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My dad has stage 4 metastatic esophageal cancer and it has spread to his brain, again.  
Started by Miss. Fortunate
15 Sep 2017, 8:11 PM

Hi, I joined this site because the little description really got to me. Im dealing with anxiety and depression and I live in a very isolated town in Labrador. My dad is 50 years old and was diagnosed with esophageal cancer about two years ago. Treatment has stopped as it has spread back to his brain. At this point he's starting to have a hard time remembering and expressing his thoughts. He's also become very slow and weak, but is still able to take care of himself. Him and my mom divorced about 3 years ago, leaving me and my brother (who's here half the time when he's not at my moms) to live with my dad. I'm 23 years old and I hate being home.. I love being close to my dad but living here is so hard sometimes.. and i know it's just going to get harder as this progresses. I feel so alone.. my mom is very passive, my brother is only 15 so he doesn't fully understand, most of my extended family live about 6 hours away, my friends here are occupied with their own lives (they're there for me but baducally just say they're sorry). I'm angry at everything, Im sad a thing everything and I have no motivation to do anything. I'm definitely going through anticipatory grief and it's making me hate myself because I just want the last time with my dad to be meaningful. Im so zoned out and emotionless when im with him because it's either that or I would just be crying the entire time. i really hope this group will help with my loneliness and fears. 
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Reply by KathCull_admin
16 Sep 2017, 12:49 AM

Welcome Miss. Fortune
i am glad the little descriptor was meaningful for you but I am sorry life for your family is so difficult.  my experience is not the same as yours but I remember being very angry when my husband was very sick and after he died. Thinking about it now I think I was also very afraid.

Are things or people that help with anxiety and depression?   Being physically isolated makes it hardI am sure. Are you studying or working?  Do you think this might be the time to talk with him about those important things? Would crying be more upsetting for him or for you?  do you have opportunity to speak with health care professionals or a counsellor to help you deal with grief and sadness and anxiety?

i know others will join me in support you here.
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