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Reply by Cath1

30 Jan 2012, 8:21 PM

Thanks for posting the link to the article, Colleen!:)

In context to talking about what not to say to someone who may be dying, I found it ironic that the first paragraph in the article could be construed as what not to say: "Being diagnosed with a terminal illness is traumatic. But sometimes, what people say in an effort to offer comfort is equally distressing." I think the writer should have chosen "also" instead of "equally" as I cannot imagine that what anyone says to a dying person could be possibly match the distress one would feel about being diagnosed with a terminal illness.

I could relate especially well to the last paragraph of the article and I feel so fortunate to have had the opportunity to be with my Mom when she was dying. I have excerpted here from the article the beautiful advice shared: "Letting a patient know how much they are loved, listening to them and offering a hand to hold are perhaps the three greatest gifts to give to the dying." I would only add these are the gifts that the dying person gives to their loved ones as well.

VHcath

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Reply by moderator | modératrice

22 Feb 2012, 10:55 PM

I found another article about this from Dr. Kuhl a palliative author and family doctor who answers questions on ShareCare.com.

How can I have an intimate conversation with a family member who is dying?

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Reply by Cath1

25 Feb 2012, 8:39 PM

Hi Colleen (moderator)

Thanks for posting the link to the above article by Dr. Kuhl via ShareCare.com. I have shared the link via Twitter as well, I especially appreciate number 8. "Provide opportunities for the other person to speak as well. As you listen, suspend all judgment."

At end of life honest communication is more important than ever and part of its importance is the ability to listen to what the dying person needs to say. Usually people focus on what they need to say to the dying person. I love the emphasis on suspending judgment as we listen. That's never easy to do, but so worthwhile.

My Mom couldn't say much verbally in her last few days, but she communicated clearly with her eyes and her smile and her demeanour, to which I paid great attention and actively "listened" for the important messages she wanted to convey.

VHcath

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Reply by moderator | modératrice

26 Feb 2012, 4:45 PM

Hi VHcath,

I'm glad you appreciated the resource and felt it worth sharing to a wider circle. Listening is a skill that can easily get lost if not practised. As you illustrated above, there is more to listening than just hearing words. We have to remind ourselves to not rush to fill the silences with words.

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Reply by Cath1

28 Feb 2012, 4:20 AM

Hi Colleen (moderator):

So true and so beautifully said.

Have a great night!:)

VHcath

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Reply by gabrielvl

29 Nov 2017, 3:38 AM

This guided expérience maybe interest for you and for others who follow this site.:
http://www.nuovastradaonlus.org/expeguid/guidexpe/death.mp3
My best regards,
Gabriel Vergara(Quebec)

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