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Why Is It So Hard To Be Happy ? 
Started by eKIM
23 Sep 2013, 10:36 PM
I came across the following quote, “You know why it’s hard to be happy?  It’s because we refuse to let go of the things that make us sad.”  A friend of mine who recently lost her husband, commented, “I don't think we refuse. I think sometimes we don't know how to".  Has anyone got some insights that I can pass on to her?  - eKim
 
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Reply by sickness
30 Sep 2013, 1:28 AM
That is an awesome question!!......why is it so hard to be happy?!

refuse to let things go that make us sad!!...I don't think so.....tell me ...my husband is palliative colon cancer spread to liver....is going down hill more and more each day....he is an amazing fighter to this disease.....doctors had him written off many times...but he keeps on fighting!!! 
So you tell me how I am suppose to let this go and be happy??  
Just like your friend who lost her husband...really.....how could she possibly know how to let go of that extreme loss!!     
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Reply by marstin
30 Sep 2013, 4:56 AM
Hi,

For myself I find that although things and places can make you sad, the fear of the unknown is what holds so many of us back. Although a situation isn't happy, it is what we know best. I have found this with trying to clear out my house and put it up for sale. Although there are many things that I dislike about the place, including all of the collected garbage in it, I  fear the major changes even more. I think that often we feel quite frozen after a loss and it makes it difficult to move forward or change anything that is familiar. It's moving out of your comfort zone and fearing that things will be worse, not better. This is how I see it. This is only my perception of it. Maybe someone else will have more words of wisdom.

Tracie
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Reply by sickness
30 Sep 2013, 11:53 AM
As usual Tracie...your words to me our so meaningful!
moving out of your comfort zone...to be happy!   Beautiful!   And makes sense...
yes packing and moving is a huge one....
land yes you can say I am FROZEN when watching my dear husband wither away.....
i know I need to be strong for him and the kids... But trying to get out of this slump I'm in....is really really starting to get to me!    
But today I will try your advise and when I am at work I will try to get of of my slummy comfort zone and try and be a little happier..... I can't change the situation...so I have to try it..

thanks Tracie!
xo
Nadine 
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Reply by marstin
30 Sep 2013, 10:13 PM
Hi Nadine,

Thank you for your kindness. I just reread my last line and realized how bad that sounded. What I meant was that there is probably someone much wiser than me that can offer advice also.

I remember how difficult it was when Len was ill like your husband. When I was at that point in time I found that I had to look for little things to bring a smile to my lips like the sun peeking through the clouds, a flower growing in the garden, kind words from someone or even the smell of a freshly brewed coffee.  It's a fragile time and it is so easy to feel like there is nothing to be happy about yet if you look around you, you might just notice something that never meant anything before can now bring a smile to your lips. My smile came from suddenly developing a love for working in my garden, just the feel of the soil and the sight of the beautiful flowers. I think for me it was just a way of taking my mind off of what was happening and replacing it for just a few moments, even just in my mind, with something beautiful.

Hugs,
Tracie
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Reply by sickness
01 Oct 2013, 4:00 PM
Hi Tracie

truthfully, I can't seem to find anything to smile about these days!,   My hubby is the one suffering/dying and I need to find happiness!   Nope.. Sorry can't do that..., not in a good space right now.....work , kids, hubby, all catching up to me!   So I took rest of the week off and I am camping by myself....hopefully to get stronger and less bitter to the world!    But I feel extremely guilty leaving him at home with the kids!     
 
This life is not fair and very cruel!! 
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Reply by marstin
01 Oct 2013, 4:44 PM
Hi Nadine,

We all find our own way to get through this. Although your husband is the one with the illness, you as the caregiver are suffering too. You are carrying the weight of everything. You have every right to be angry. I applaud you for taking time away to be by yourself. I too have taken a few mini vacations just to recharge my batteries so I can hopefully better cope with everything that comes at me. It seems to work for a little while to be away from all of the responsibilities. You are right, life is not fair. It pushes people to the breaking point sometimes. I hope that your camping trip gives you a chance to rest and recharge your batteries a little bit.

We're here for you.

Hugs,
Tracie
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