Part 2!
i posted the first part, fearful I would lose all my typing...lol
so Razz, I hear you, and I also feel the same pain. My am retired and not working, living on a pension, and no longer caregiving for my loved one....
but the thoughts are there 24/7.
Who has her today?
Did she eat?
dI'd she rage ?
did anyone know she was frustrated?
Did her worker call in sick, and did an unfamilitary worker get called in...?
That complicates things for my loved one.
I no no longer care for her around the clock ( which I did for almost 5 yrs...sleeping near her, waking with her, addressing all her needs, speaking for her etc)
so, I just say all this as I want to encourage you that we - I - understand your stress.
i want to close by saying....rest when you need to.
try and do one thing each day that is Just for you! Watch a favourite show, read, walk, visit with friends, vent if you need to, but Know you are not alone, that your mom is in a place that is watching over her and try to let go of the worry....just for 1 hr a day.
no one should feel totally drained and empty because of caregiving but it happens all the time.
i even vent saw nursing students who came to work in nursing homes for summer jobs who quit, who went home crying, who were overwhelmed by the enormity of the job of caregiving.
sending you hugs and I hope you know I said all this to let you know you are surrounded by people who "get it" and understand.
Your mom is lucky to have you.
you are being the best daughter. Not everyone can or is close enough to do what you are doing.
I want you to feel comforted and supported. I hope I helped in a small way.
once a caregiver, always a caregiver
hugs from me to you.
(PS I am going to an air-conditioned theatre with a grandchild and his mom to see the second Minion movie - hoping the dark theatre will be cool, and the sound will be loud enough to drown out my ever present loop in my head - that keeps alerting me to make sure my loved one is safe ano happy). We deserve moments that matter too;)
natR xx