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How to feed yourself and your loved ones when overwhelmed with grief

Started by 12

18 May 2019, 4:31 AM

Hello,

This posting is very practical, maybe it will help somone. I usually cook all the time, for eveyone, it is relaxing for me, and I love to do it.

Since my sisiter passed I am so sad that I can no longer cook for her that I cannot cook at all, I looked at the vegetables in the fridge and froze. I do need to cook for myself and my father.

I have decided that toast with anything on top is a meal. A piece of cheese,an avocado and lemon, turkey..
I have bought all sorts of cream canned soups to go along.
This is as far as I have gotten.
If anyone else has other ideas please let me know.

Thank you

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Reply by Simone Stenekes (Simone@virtualhospice.ca)

22 May 2019, 5:17 PM

Dear 12,

Thank you for sharing your very real struggle with grief that has impacted all aspects of your life…. And your love of cooking. This is a vivid reminder that grief impacts us as a whole, not only our emotions, but our entire being. The sadness can just be so overwhelming….

There is a website, http://www.mygrief.ca/ that you may find helpful as you are dealing with the death of your sister. To hear the stories of others, may provide you with some hope and also some ideas about how to try to live along with the grief that has now become a part of your life story.

Thinking of you,

Simone (CVH Moderator)

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Reply by 12

22 May 2019, 10:34 PM

Dear Simone,

Thank you very much for your very nice note.

I really appreciate it.

12 (Alexandra)

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Reply by kidboots

25 May 2019, 9:33 PM

I have never been a person who enjoyed cooking and used to hate the daily-ness of getting a dinner on the table. Now that I am on my own having lost my partner 2 months ago I have difficulty in putting a meal together. I found though that making just one dish - carrot ginger soup was the latest - I can put a salad or bread with it as the centrepiece. It doesn't seem as daunting as a meat and potatoes kind of thing. A big dish of roasted vegetables also works for me and can keep me going for a few days.
We need to eat as well as we can right now and I know your joy in the kitchen will return.

Kidboots

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Reply by 12

04 Jan 2020, 4:44 PM

Hello

To reply to kidboots, soups are a great idea.. throw everythgn in one pot, and have enough for a few days. There are so many recipes online, lentil soups, meat, noodles.

I now find chopping veg at the end of each day very soothing, takes my mind off of my sadness, its meditational. And I know I am eating well. I have been cooking every night for months, and miss it when I don't.

12

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Reply by christinarobert

18 Feb 2021, 2:24 PM

My grandmother would usually be lost after my grandfather died and she would barely have any food which made her weak. All of us started worrying about her since we wanted to see her in good shape. I thought that more we spent time with her with and did fun activities it would help free her mind which actually helped.

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Reply by Seeker

18 Feb 2021, 9:47 PM

Hello! It is good to join you on this journey. I think food is such an important way to show ourselves and others that we care. Sometimes it is the gift of someone else preparing food for us - even the simplest meal or batch of cookies can bring us to tears at the thoughtfulness behind it. I feel it is so true that when we can share food together, we are closer to those we love. ChristinaRobert says it so well; spending time with someone who is grieving can make it much easier for them to take food in, even when they think they cannot face a meal. Companionship over meals - even if it is chatting on the phone during this time of isolation for so many - can make mealtimes more of a comfort than a chore. I also find that surrounding myself with pictures of the people I love can make me feel like they are right there around the dining room table with me. I talk with them and tell them about my day, just as I used to. Even if my meal is a simple one, I feel less alone. Same thing when I am cooking or baking - I chatter away to my husband and my Mom, telling them what I am making and thinking how much they would love to try my concoction. Sure, I cry quite often but I usually feel much closer to them, as though they are in the kitchen with me.

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Reply by TrevorL

18 Feb 2021, 11:57 PM

Thank you for sharing 12; I am sorry for your loss, both of your sister and of your interest cooking. I echo what Simone says in that grief and loss can cut across out lives and effect us in so many ways. I am glad you have joined our community and there are lots of good tips shared here in terms of meal prepping large soup dishes that go for days.

I can also appreciate that we are on our own journey. It sounds like cooking for your sister was something that brought you enjoyment and I know that activities that remind of us the loss can be difficult to perform, especially if the loss was recent. I also want to recognize that canned soup and toast with toppings is an accomplishment, particularly when we grappling with difficult feelings and experiences. I hope that you continue to receive support, suggestions and feel comfortable sharing how your journey progresses.

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Reply by 12

20 Feb 2021, 8:33 PM

Dear Trevor,

Thank you so much for writing.. I am really grateful to have this group to share with.

And I apprecate what you said about the soup and toast..

My sister struggled to eat, so the cooking was my way of trying to keep her healthy. She was very grateful for this until she lost all interest in food.

I have gone in the other direction with cooking. I now chop lots of vegetables every day.. It takes my mind off of everything to focus on this. My husband sometimes wonders why I start dinner in the afternoon!

It has been 1 year and 9 months, and my sadness is just under the surface. My sisters death was traumatic on so many levels. I am learning how to live with it, it wil be a pain that I always have.

Thanks again for your message, I am afraid this message may not help anyone else, but it has been good for me to write it.

12 (Alexandra)

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Reply by AMT

21 Feb 2021, 4:21 PM

Dear 12 (Alexandra)
I experienced reading your post with such gentleness. I think your message will help a great number of people who read it. What resonates the most for me is the sincerity and vulnerability in which you offer to all of us who read your post the unadorned acknowledgement that you miss your sister.
In reading your post I think of my own grief experience, how for a long time the sadness just sat under the surface and how little it took rise up. Many years later it is now deeper under the surface, but nonetheless always there.
I love reading the phrase "toast with topping". I have spent the past day thinking of my only aunt who absoutely loved canned spaghetti on toast. It was her favourite weekend lunch.
Warmly,AMT

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