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Reply by NatR
06 Dec 2012, 10:09 PM

Dear Carl,

my heart goes out to you and your wife.  You have come to a great place.  Not only will you find people ready to listen, but also professionals who can offer their expertise.

I cannot imagine how you cope day to day with the load of caring, meal prep, trying to find ways to encourage your wife to take in some nourishment - and you have certainly been a rock for your wife.

its good to know you have supportive friends and family who you can lean on - but sometimes it helps to have a neutral place where you can just say it like it is, vent

I want to welcome you - and encourage you to ask anything - there are several who post on the forum and I am sure will have some ideas for you.

Considering your wife's lack of appetite etc. have you tried boost or other fortified nutrient drinks?
That is one idea that comes to mind right now.
Sincerely,
natR
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Reply by Brayden
07 Dec 2012, 3:07 AM

Dear Carlbird,
I can understand your troubled situation somewhat as I have visited Yellowknife and know how isolated you must feel. It is bad enough to go through the journay with cancer but to not have resources close by is unreal. I really feel for you. You will find that your love will not respond to good food like she did in the past, as you have said, her taste buds are gone. Do not feel that it is your cooking. She may also not have much of an appetite anymore, nor does she need as much intake because her body does not require it. I am sure that it would be hard to smile and laugh much after what your love has gone through. Again, do not take it personally. Please keep in touch with this site and feel free to ask any questions you may have and also use us to unload all your feelings. Peace
Brayden
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07 Dec 2012, 2:40 PM

Hi Carlbird,

Welcome to Virtual Hospice. You are among very supportive people here, many of whom have walked a similar path or are on the same road now. I encourage you to post a message to this thread:

Caregivers: Can we talk honestly? 

When you post a message, Jimmie, Mark99, KCBJ, Cath1, Tian, NatR, Plum and everyone else who is taking part in the conversation will receive an email that a new message has been posted. 

We have had a couple of community members who take part in CancerChatCanada and our forums at the same time. They each provide different types of support, both extremely useful.

I'm glad you found us.
Colleen
 
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Reply by Glasslady001
07 Dec 2012, 4:19 PM

Hi Carl, 
i am truly sorry to here of your situation. i am originally from Yellowknife and all of my siblings still live there. I will see if they know of any local resources for you.
my thoughts are with you, Anne. 
 
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Reply by Glasslady001
07 Dec 2012, 4:32 PM

My husband finished the last of the scans and we nshould finally get results next week. I am just petrified...
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Reply by marstin
07 Dec 2012, 5:27 PM

Hi Carl,

Welcome! I have found that this site has brought me much peace of mind. I lost my husband to bladder cancer in July and for his final month with us, we took care of him at home. I understand the frustration and helplessness when it comes to trying to feed your wife. My husband Len lost his interest in food too and it was so upsetting. We used drinks like ensure and nova source to try to get something into him as time went on. Ultimately though, it appears that the lack of interest in any kind of nourishment is a normal part of the progression of this disease. I also know how difficult it is to make your partner smile. Please don't take it personally, medications and the disease can cause this, in addition to outbursts of anger. It is a difficult journey to travel with someone you love so much but it is also rewarding in it's own way. You will probably find a side of you that you didn't know existed and hopefully that will bring you to a calm accepting place so that you can just focus on your time together. The grieving process begins long before your loved one passes away and you need to be kind to yourself. It can be a real juggling act with all of your emotions coming into play. My husband's passing caused a domino effect in my life and my mom passed away 7 weeks after he did from the stress. Please take care of yourself. It is important to do that as we as caregivers forget that we need to do that. We are all here for you, please lean on us.
Tracie
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Reply by marstin
08 Dec 2012, 3:50 AM

Hi Glasslady001,

I have been reading your postings and my heart goes out to you. The waiting game is so difficult. I have walked that road as many others on this site have. Please know that we are here to support you.

Tracie
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08 Dec 2012, 11:14 PM

Hi,

As our community grows, I am encouraged how welcoming everyone is. It is especially amazing to see people joining the forum in time of need, such as marstin and glasslady001, and then turning to offer help to others.

Thank you everyone.
Colleen 
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Reply by eKIM
18 Jan 2013, 4:15 AM

Hi Jennifer (highlanddancermom40),
 
I am happy to see you here on virtual hospice.  Your obvious compassion and empathy will be welcomed by so many.  I am an occasional contributor, myself. 
 
Because of the volume, it is not possible for any single contributor to respond to everyone.  That is why it is important that there are many “support contributors.”  As well, some stories resonate more with a specific individual.  The “matches” might seem to be random, but I believe that somehow, just the right connections are made.  Don’t ask me how.
 
I have been a Resident Support Volunteer at our local hospice for almost 3 years now.  I have grown to appreciate the wonderful, amazing contributions of all the medical staff.  My favourites are the PSWs.  Whenever I “fill in” for someone in the kitchen, I always try to bake something tempting for them.  My sister is a PSW.
 
If you want to talk about your sister, we are all “here for you”. 
 
I liked your comment:  “If anyone should have any questions, I would be happy to share what I know”  You can be a valuable resource for many.
 
I have a question for you, Jennifer (by the way, that’s my daughter’s name).  Do you feel that there is a need for a forum for PSWs and volunteers to share? 
 
I am specifically concerned with helping caregivers and volunteers deal with and perhaps prevent burnout.  I went through a “burnout” myself and have learned how to cope and prevent future incidents. 
 
I have seen amazingly compassionate and skilled PSWs and volunteers that I know, quit the profession that they loved so much.  I wish I knew where a “virtual support group” existed and still hope that Virtual Hospice will open such a forum

-eKIM 
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08 Oct 2013, 1:27 AM

Are you new to the community? Find out more about some of the other members in this thread and feel free to tell us a bit about yourself too.
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