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Reply by KathCull_admin

05 Mar 2014, 3:46 PM

Hi Lynne

Your nickname has stayed with me – I find dragonflies quite beautiful and rather serene. Plus they eat mosquitoes!

I was wondering how the last month has been for you. I know that it’s only been two months since your mom died, plus you were recovering from surgery in one of them. A social worker once told me that people may begin to feel the full impact of grief a few months after the loss – it’s like the cotton balls that have been to some degree protecting us are removed one by one. How have you been?

Have you seen lilbear’s thread, Will I ever really get my mojo back? I know that no two situations or people are ever the same, but there seem to be some similarities in your stories.

Take care

Katherine

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Reply by dragonfly4

07 Mar 2014, 1:55 AM

Hi Katherine,
After my surprising need for emergency surgery, I returned to work only a month ago. March 1st my Mom was gone 3 months. I find I am coping ok. Keeping busy certainly helps. I changed jobs before my surgery but hadn't had the chance to be in my new classroom yet! Being at home healing left me with free time on my hands. I had a lot of questions about my Mom's death so I did what I do best! Research. I applied to obtain all of my Mom's medical records from her many hospital visits and her file at the Doctor's office. I went through them and photcopied everything I felt was important. My Mom's autopsy report had also come back, 3 days after my release from the hospital, so that certainly was overwhelming. Atleast my family now has the answer as to WHY. Most days I try to stay positive and keep my children and myself at an even keel. Then, some little thing will pop up and I will break down. For the most part, I've held it together. My family and I are also planning the burial service for my mom. As she died December 1st, there was no way it could be done. Life is moving on, I am moving forward. I laid in bed last night after waking up and I couldn't go back to sleep....I thought about my Mom's attitude in life and how she kept going and never let anything or anyone bring her down. She did her best and made much out of the nothing that we had growing up. Such a wonderful role model! It was only at the end, when her pain was so severe and no one could find out why that she choose to let go. She told me privately, she was done, she didn't want to do it anymore and she missed her family that had gone before her. She expecially missed my brother who died in 1984. I pray every night that they are together and that he is looking after her now. What happened to her the last 14 months of her life, certainly wasn't fair but she did her best at preparing us for the what she knew was the inevitable. She always told me, she didn't understand what all the fuss was about dying. She said God gives us 2 gifts in life, being born and dying and entering his kingdom. She was positive of her path there and lived her life as she choose to. She lived and loved with all the compassion and love she could give. In the end, it was her heart that couldn't beat anymore. It was almost as if, her heart had no more love to share. Now we remain and try to find a way through the fog that is our grief. But, as my mother taught me, keep your head up and keep moving forward every day. Just put one foot in front of the other and don't look back! I am so thankful that I got the mother I did and that she taught me all she did. Blessings to all who read this. If you are on a grief journey, love yourself and be patient. Feel your grief when you need to and laugh when you can!
Lynne

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Reply by KathCull_admin

09 Mar 2014, 8:54 PM

Hi Lynne, Your mother sounds very much like mine - she too was 'ready to go' and left her children with they knowledge that she loved them and was proud of them.

These are lovely memories of your mother -those can never be taken away from you. It sounds like those words she said to you privately - although perhaps hard to hear - could give you comfort.

Maybe your recovery from surgery had a silver lining - giving you the chance to look after those important questions - especially the Why. It can take so much time to get everything together and combined with working - especially at a new job. How is working in the new classroom?

Take care Lynne
Katherine

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Reply by NatR

09 Mar 2014, 9:53 PM

Dear Lynne

First of all the overwhelming experience you have gone through is absolutely incredible.

you have gone through incredible loses and now you have gone through surgery and oh so much happened to you - the same journey of your mom- the nursing staff - the same rooms - the stress of pain fear and the unknown! It all is almost more than someone can bear to go through all that again!

you are an incredible person, daughter, an exceptionally sensitive and devoted family member !
I am not sure that many of us could do what you did a shining example of love andunderstanding .

i hope that you are now finding your path through the hopefully more regular and ordinary routine of work and life .

your sharing of your story is a brave inside look at crusus and how you filled the gap!
thank you for sharing with us and hoping that you are feeling better yourself - and that things are okay with you
having said that - I realize that losing a loved one feels like things will never be okay again - but I hope you know what I mean.

sincerely
NatR

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Reply by KathCull_admin

10 Jul 2014, 8:34 PM

Hello everyone,
A new member Collette888 posted to the thread Loss of Mom today.Her father died a few years ago and her mother is now close to death. Could I ask you to consider responding to her?
Katherine

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Reply by jaidey

09 Feb 2015, 5:03 AM

Hi dragonfly4. I'm new here too. I know exactly how you feel. I just lost my mom on Jan 14. After she had been so sick for a year. Spending 7 months in the hospitals only so she could come home for two months then go back to die in the very place she didn't ever want to be again! I wish I had some "kind" meaningful words that would take the raw burning sorrow out of ur heart but I don't. All I can say is your not alone. And I'm not even sure if talking help but I'm willing to try anything. I miss my mother too. I hope your pain lessens over time

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Reply by jaidey

09 Feb 2015, 5:18 AM

I guess I really am new...I just noticed the year of your first post dragonfly... My bad! I hope the past year has gotten better for you! Watching your mother suffer is the hardest part. They are so sick and they fight fight fight to get better...for what? For the illness to finally win. I'm having a little trouble dealing with my mother not being here physically....and it hurts so much! I feel like a fish out of water. There's no daily routines anymore.. I can't pick up the phone and listen to her laugh...or kick her butt in a game of crib... She's gone...and now the hard part begins...I just hope it doesn't get worse....I have no idea what to expect....its only been a few weeks...life without her really didn't start yet...and that's what scares me the most!

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Reply by oldbat

11 Feb 2015, 2:06 AM

Hello Jaidey,

I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. Obviously she was a very important part of your life. And, also obviously, you were a very good and loving daughter. Hang on to that, Jaidey. You did everything in your power to help and support her, right to the end.

Do you have family and friends who can give you some support now? If so, and I really hope you do, let them help you. Do whatever seems right to you right now. Cry, laugh, scream, let all those emotions out into the air. People will understand. Most, if not all, will have walked your road and will be happy to care for you along the way.

But it's also important that you take time for you. Just to sit, perhaps where you used to sit with your mother, and cherish those memories of the happy times you had together. The laughs you shared. Tears, too. This way she will never leave you.

Don't be scared, Jaidey, the feelings you're having right now are natural after such a catastrophic loss. Experience them. And, remember, all of us are always here to help you through. We know the sadness and despair you're feeling now. Let us help you grieve. We do care.

oldbat

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