Hi cmcaht,
The life of a teenager is such a stressful thing. It's worse these days I think with social media and I often overhear my daughters talk about how someone said something to them by text and reading into it that it was something vicious. For your poor daughter, she is already so vulnerable and now with losing her Dad it is ten times worse. It sounds like you are doing everything that you possibly can to help her but there is so much that our children do not share with us. You said that her teen grief class is finished, does that mean for the summer or for good? I know that here in BC, to my way of thinking, there isn't enough resources available. Even my widow/widowers group was only bi-weekly and that there was big gaps between one session ending and another one beginning. Then of course summer comes along and there is nothing until early fall. My guess is that so many people fall between the cracks and do not get the help that they so desperately need.
Don't worry about sounding doomy and gloomy, it is understood here. I have found that sharing that weight even if it's just by typing it out brings a sense of relief. You've gone from sharing life's issues with your husband to having no sounding board to figure these things out. I so understand that feeling. My family has been less than supportive and with few friends that live locally, I have found my support on this forum. Here we can just say whatever we feel and not have to worry about any kind of judgement.
How wonderful that your daughter put that outfit together to pay tribute to her Dad. I'm sure that your heart just about burst with love for her. She is finding ways to cope with her loss and this is one of them.
Things have been a little different in our household than yours. In the beginning we all vowed to work together through things and we did initially. We have had the added stress of trying to clear out our house, get some finishing done in it and get it sold and this has caused so many battles. Neither of my daughters has gone for councelling and my oldest is such a mouthy, angry girl who carries the most pain. I know she cries alone in her room because she can't allow anyone to see her agony. My youngest will sit with me and pour her heart out and we both talk and cry together. Since they lost their Dad and their Grandma, who was like a second Mom, within weeks of each other it has made it doubly bad. I think they feel like they have nowhere to turn because when we needed our other close family members to step up, they all backed away and carried on with their lives. They see the heavy load that I have trying to deal with the mountain of paperwork, learning to take over the work that their Dad would normally do, and dealing with my own grief of losing my two closest people. Even though it's been nearly 2 years, we are still consumed by not knowing what the future will bring. For us the grief has been a very long journey.
Just a thought, do you have the option of getting away from your house for a few days with your girls? To go somewhere quiet and away from the lure of the internet and cell phone service? Len's family (and myself if I ever get the paperwork done for it) own a cabin on the lake. We went there last year for the one year anniversary for a few days. I used to hate going there, the travelling, the bickering etc. but last year was phenominal. We were able to connect with each other without the intrusion of cell phones and computers, just the quiet of the cabin and the peacefulness of the setting. We did not want to come back home and were able to bond in a whole different way. Sometime's you need to get away from reality just so that you can recharge your batteries for a bit.
I hope today finds you with something to smile about. It's a long road but I found that taking pleasure in some of the smallest things, brings a bit of relief.
Hugs,
Tracie