Hi Katherine and everyo r on here that has helped me through this . The site was not letting me on and i think it was my computer cause i recently got a new one and here i am again. I am surviving. I ended up putting up a wall and i let out my emotions when i am alone sometimes or listening to music in the car and alone. Like when i recently took my daughter back to college and had to drive home alone. I cried for the two hour drive. I have also been dreaming lmost every night of my mom and other loved ones who passed away prior . I miss my mom and lately i feel like she is going to call me but then i realize that wont be happening. Its even hard for me to type things about her as well. So hard and no i didnt get any family support still and thats ok. I realize that wont happen and now if they tried it would be too late. That was my mom and they didnt even check to make sure i was ok. My daughter has not grieved yet she said cause it has not hit her she said. Maybe it takes time but every day i am in pain at one point or another. I just miss her so much. I have voice messages she left on my phone but i cant listen to them again at least not yet. But I will forever have them i hope. I wish i could listen to them. I would love to hear her voice again. I have not seeked help because i cant talk about it or i will cry. So where i go from here i dont know. My job is going well. I am living day by day and i go out and do things ...take walks with a friend and look around at nature or go to the mall..maybe a movie. I look forward to my dreams and i sleep well at night. Much better than before. I go right to sleep actually and i have been doing that since i moved actually a month ago. I miss my dog too and i have his ashes right on my dresser next to me. I have him as my laptop screen saver and say hi to him often. I talk to my mom in the car on my way to work . You must think i am losing it but this has been my way of living lately . I did go through an anger stage recently about a week ago. But that has passed. Think i am ok now. I realized thats not me. I look forward to when i will someday be with my mom someday again but i want to be here for my daughter right now. I just wish i could hug her again..talk with her and see her face. I wish there was a miracle and she would come back. Anyway i wanted to let you sll know i am here and you all have been in my thoughts even though i was unable to communicate with you over the internet. Thank you all for the support you all have given me and the many hugs shared :-)