I understand the roller coaster of emotions posted here. Only 4 months into grieving/learning to carve out a new life it isn't easy. In fact, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. i have learned everyone walks their own path. So far, I have decided to stay in our long time family home. i am looking at a condo this week and will decide over the winter whether to make the move. We have two kittens, they are 17 years old, which I need to take into consideration in any move. This fall I will deal with some of the clothes, his tools, and the car. I have made plans to go back to Pilates, my volunteer job at Cancercare, and back on my healthy eating plan. I am doing all this not because I am motivated to do it but because I know I should. I envy the support posted from inlaws. Mine has been almost non existent. Both during my husbands illness and after his death. In the end, it is best as they come with a lot of emotional baggage. This post was a bit of a ramble but there are so many feelings and situations I can identify with. This past week I experienced a moment of happiness. Brief but it was there as my daughter and I took the boat out on a perfect summer day. Swimming under the blue sky, listening to music and feeling the warmth of the sun after a swim. The reason behind the boat ride was to scatter ashes in a lake we all loved so much. Thanks for listening and hang in there everyone.