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Reply by Brayden

28 Nov 2012, 3:33 PM

Dear Nanalovesu,
Thanks for coming back to update us on your journay. So good to hear that you are making progress and manage to keep so in tune with your feelings. It is so normal to feel frustrated with not having your love there to hug and hold you, especially at this time of the festive season. Do not feel that you are alone. Should you go shopping in the St. Vital Mall, go to our Hospice Memory Tree and see the cards going up from loved ones and you will see what I mean. I hope that you will find warm friends here, inspite of the cold weather. A warm heart goes out to you.
Brayden

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Reply by marstin

28 Nov 2012, 6:39 PM

Hi Beverly and Cath1,

Your messages are so inspiring. What strength it must have taken Beverly to make a move. I too will have to do that in the spring and am so frightened by it. The loneliness...Len also was the smart, strong person in our household. When he was here I never had to worry about a thing and as each day passes I miss him more and more. I have no one to bounce my ideas off of and making choices for myself and our two daughters is frightening. I have to keep reminding myself of a childhood book and say, ' I think I can, I think I can. I thought I could'. I have to make all of these decisions and although at times I feel so strong, most times I want to just run and hide.
Last week I was reminded of how unclear I still am when I threw a bag of garbage out and later realized it was things from my mom's house that I had wanted to keep. Our 20 year old just looked at me sadly when I was kicking my own butt and said,' It's okay mom, we need to be downsizing not bringing more stuff into the house'. She is so like her dad.
As Christmas draws closer the pain increases. I accepted an invitation for Christmas dinner from my nephew and his wife and now I'm hearing from my girls that they really don't feel comfortable going anywhere for Christmas. With their Grandma and Dad both gone now, I had thought that it would be good to surround them with other family members but I'm now questioning my decision. We are all so raw that maybe it would be wiser to just stay home and create a new way of celebrating Christmas. Another decision I must make alone. I wish we could go back to last Christmas and have dinner at my mom's with all of the family and my sweetheart Len. It's so hard to absorb the loss of these two wonderful people. I feel like I have to totally rebuild our foundation brick by brick. Am I strong enough? I certainly hope so.

Hugs to both of you!

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Reply by nanalovesu

28 Nov 2012, 6:52 PM

Dear Brayden,
Thank you for the info on the St. Vital Mall. Didn't know they had a memory tree there, might be a healing thing to do. I always feel like I should be doing SOMETHING. And that's the lost feeling I have especially during the holiday season. As a Mother and Nana I feel like I have the respondsibility to be strong and hold the family together, yet another emotion to carry. Recently, my Father was in the hospital close to where I now live which was convenient for my Mother, but I had to walk the old familiar foot steps there. It seems my late husband is everywhere. In songs, his favorite food, and so many things. Sometimes I wish it wouldn't bring me to tears anymore. I'm tired of crying. Especially tired of people telling me how strong I am. Feel like a bundle of emotion about to explode yet again. Being just ME is hard.
Beverly

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Reply by moderator | modératrice

30 Nov 2012, 4:13 PM

Hi Tracie and Beverley,

You latest posts referring to the holidays inspired me to start a new thread.

Grief: How am I going to get through the holidays?

You're so right Beverley when you say "being just me is hard work". It's not easy, but you're not alone. Others in our Virtual Hospice community have faced the holidays and I'm sure they will share very useful tips on what helps them.

Most of all, I'm happy that you have found each other here to share, cry and laugh together.
Colleen

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Reply by Cath1

03 Dec 2012, 12:23 PM

Good morning, Tracie (marstin) and Beverley (nanalovesu):

Carolyn (Carriek) and Jane each lost their husbands this year. Tracie, Carolyn's husband passed away just days after your husband died. She wrote a message to you last night in this thread which I have linked here in case you may have missed it.

http://www.virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home/Support/Support/Discussion+Forums/Just+Want+to+Talk/2012_08_07_10_50_18_For+Caron+_amp;+Carriek+_amp;+others_+When+grief+is+fresh+_amp;+feelings+are+raw.aspx

I am hoping you can all find one another on the same thread and help one another as you each know how it feels to grieve the loss of your soulmate. Maybe you can guide Carolyn and Jane to this thread?

Thinking of you all this morning and sending you hugs and love.

With affection -hugs- -xo-
Cath1

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Reply by Mark99

14 Feb 2013, 1:06 AM

It has been awhile since I've posted here and if I must say quite an adventure which included a bike accident in Sept that become surgery in November to drain a bleed on the brain and time in rehab. I am back, the neurosurgeon said I've made a full recovery. Through this event my neighbors and family came to my side and gave me the care and support I could never imagine. Which makes me realize on the day before Donna's birthday how I miss her. I am sure she would have called my surgery microsurgery since she would tease me about my small male brain. But most of all I miss caring for her and helping her as everyone did for me.

I hope you are all well and doing the best you can under the weight of loss and illness and fear. I can only add that our journey is shared here with those with similar experience and emotions. Knowing you are here gives me pause to reflect on what I have and not what I have lost. Though my loss cuts me to the quick especially these next few day. Peace

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Reply by Tian

14 Feb 2013, 3:04 AM

Dear Mark99

I'm so sorry about your accident but relieved that you've made a complete recovery. I imagine that when you were most in doubt about your return to health was when you felt Donna's absence the most. But after the great support you gave her it's very befitting that you were on the receiving end of support yourself. Mark, you do have a lot but in Donna you've lost even more. I admire your attitude in reflecting on what you have. I'm sure I speak for the rest of our community here in thanking you for considering us to have been of help to you. And thank you for sharing your experiences with us and inspiring us with your love for Donna. You know you are always welcome here. Peace back at ya.

Tian

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Reply by marstin

14 Feb 2013, 4:10 PM

Happy Valentine's Day to all of those who are missing their loved ones today.

Hugs to each and every one of you.

Tracie

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Reply by NatR

14 Feb 2013, 5:51 PM

Hi Tracie and everyone reading this - thank you and Happy Valentines Day to all who have loved and be warmed by your memories and your connections - without connections and love it would be a difficult path in life.

You are all in my thoughts also
NatR

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Reply by moderator | modératrice

14 Feb 2013, 8:36 PM

What does Valentine's Day mean to you when you've lost the love of you life?

I realize that this is such a loaded question, especially for you marstin and Mark99, when Feb 14 makes very important days for both of you. But perhaps we could also share the happy moments and the strengths of love that you would like to share.

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