Thanks Colleen for reminding us about this thread, looks like I lost this thread about a year ago and should have responded to Tracie - so sorry Tracie. I have a lot of trouble keeping track of threads and notifications, not sure why.
anyway, life has changed for all of us this past year. Christmas, thanksgiving, all are different when you have lost a loved one.
the hardest part is trying to fill holes in the routine, those friends and family we have lost.
personally I am trying to keep my focus busy and see what I can do for others, despite pain in my heart.
its not easy, And it doesn't freeze the pain away - but for me it helps to try and make the day and holiday season a happier and less lonely time for others.
i lost my mom this year, I lost close contact with a another beloved family member - which is both heart ache and relief - it's an odd way to describe my feelings but I know in the case of my mom, that she isn't alone, lacking care or company ... She had long ago lost all her memory of us but we still tried the best we could from a distance - to make sure she got gifts, flowers, new bathrobe etc. tried to make sure she got a smile or felt warm and cozy.
My mom no longer is isolated, in pain, or hungry or lost. She is at peace. I feel that and have to accept it.
sure it still hurts. Sure I wish I could have done more, visited more, etc, etc. but I have to let those feelings of guilt and anguish go. I have to move on.
the other caregiving job I have done for 4 yrs for a vulnerable family member came to an end this year. It's a daily thought about how she is, who is with her, what does she need etc.
that won't go away easily for me. But I am lucky I can visit any time and see for myself how she is.
the one thing that many people don't understand about Caregiving is that it comes from the heart - it's not a uniform you can take off at the end of a shift, or leave the loved one in a safe place and stop thinking about him/her.
its all consuming. So many people do this type of care for spouses, parents. Special needs or very sick children or others. It's ongoing for them all.
so for me, it's good to ease back on my caregiving, but to reach out to try and help someone for just a moment. It's helpful to respond to letters on the forum, it's helpful to take soup to my neighbour who is alone, in her 70s and recovering from surgery - its helpful to stop and assist a stranger who is struggling to cross a snowy intersection with a walker, so caregiving never ends. The feelings of loss never end - but if we can help each other, and do it in memory of our loved ones - then I feel that's all we can do.
sorry if this got off topic a bit - but it's how I do it. Keep busy, feeling loss but trying to make each day matter for me, for others, if that makes sense.
thanks for reading and thanks to everyone for sharing on the forum.
natR