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Reply by Liticia

20 Dec 2012, 1:54 AM

Hi Lind,

I was just wondering how you are doing. You know so near from christmas. Hope you are well surronded by people you love you don t need a lot it takes one person. I have my twin sister and we live in the same home I rent the basement. You know that I do fell the pain you have. They all say it gets easier with time yes it is less painfull but after 6 months it is hard. Hope you are taking care of you. Do something you would want to do take a trip, do a manicure, a massage. I bought myself a gift that I tought my husband would have bought me. He always put is money change in a bowl so I took it and bought myself a coffee at Tim every morning for a week he new I loved my coffee andhe was happy to buy my one. I took all the little reminders of him like is last razor, socks he wear lenses is last smoke ect.... and bought a wood box ant that box was called treasure and yes evrything I would find of him would go there. For me they are treasures I have been looking at all the pictures and it reminded me of a lot of trips we made togheter the good times.

All of those things still makes me cry but thank god we get to keep pictures and belongnings, memories souvenirs and I have a 4 minute video of him I kept all is close I can t cope to give this right now when I get to be ready I will give them to people in need.

You are in my toughts Take good care of yourself it is important because we have to go on without them. If you need to express yourself do it does a lot of good

Hugs
Linda!

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Reply by Plum1

20 Dec 2012, 12:55 PM

Dear Liticia,
What beautiful examples of your journey through grief! And thank you for your concern for your companion, Lind. Yes, Lind, I, too, wonder how your are doing these days.

Liticia, keeping a "treasure box" is a very good idea. Sometimes people begin a "Memory Book" where they can record precious memories which they can return to when desired and needed. It can also be shared with other significant persons who might want to be comforted by such memories. Sometimes it becomes a wonderful record to share with children too young to have known the person.

This year, one section of my family is mourning the death of a young man who died in his early 30s of a rare cancer. He left behind little twin girls of 3 years old. Their Mom asked all significant persons/relatives to share their precious memories which she was putting in a book for the little girls so that, one day, the little girls will be able to read about their father. The little ones remember their Daddy but they would not have known his story as it was experienced by the adults who knew and loved him.

Preparing a "treasure box" or a "Memory Book" may bring lots of tears now, but it is also healing to your heart, I am sure. In your case, I am sure that you will know when it is time to give away some of the objects in the box. And you may decide to keep some as a sacred and tangible piece of your life with your husband.

With reference to your comment on the statement of others that the pain heals with time, it is very difficult to believe when you are immersed in the pain even 6 months later. While it is true, there is no telling how long it will take for the pain to become less acute. As time passes, if it does not seem to be less bearable, someone might need the help of a grief counselor. I hope, for you, that the love and presence of others, as well as the gift of time and your own inner strength, will lead to a lessening of the acute pain.

Will you be with your twin sister on Christmas?

Plum1

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Reply by Liticia

20 Dec 2012, 7:26 PM

Hi Plum1,

I will be with my twin and ion he 25th at my sister in law and my twin will be with me. We are like an old couple you can't seperate Thanks for corresponding to me. It is actuallly nice to explain or express are amotions it is easier here even if it is virtual.

Thanks again.

Linda

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Reply by Plum1

21 Dec 2012, 2:33 AM

Good evening Liticia,
Old couples can be very beautiful and inspiring in their fidelity. I am sure that you and your twin have loved and supported each other through many moments in life. This is a very powerful time to be together as you share sadness and loss.
May Christmas hold special gifts which heal and strengthen your heart.
Plum1

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Reply by moderator | modératrice

21 Dec 2012, 1:20 PM

Hi everyone,

I saw this quote today and thought of all of you, especially Lind.

"Often grief, especially early grief, feels like a fog, a mist. It's often hard to concentrate and frequently easy to forget things. Life has lost its clarity. Your brain is flooded so be especially gentle with yourself."

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Reply by marstin

22 Dec 2012, 4:41 AM

How true that quote is. I remember that even about a month ago that I was doing the garbage at my mom's and threw out a bag of things of hers that I was keeping. I didn't realize it until the following garbage day. I was sad that I had done it but went easy on myself because it was just one of those foggy things. My daughters have learned that they have to write down what they are doing because my brain will just not absorb it, not yet. For the most part the clarity comes and goes.I believe it comes in waves like this to keep the grief from overwhelming us.
Tracie

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Reply by Plum1

24 Dec 2012, 3:24 AM

Dear Marstin,
Thanks for sharing so courageously the example of your foggy behaviour. I am glad that you can be easy on yourself. What a wonderful lesson to us all - to be easy on ourselves as we walk the path of grief. And I am very glad to hear that your family has learned to understand your foggy days, accomodating them in a loving and practical way.

And I appreciate your acknowledgment that the depth of loss is so great that the brain can only handle and absorb so much. Yes, our bodies can be so wise. They protect us when we are in greatest need. Little by little, you will be able to take in more of the reality of your loss. You seem to be understanding that you can only take small steps while being gentle with yourself.

Let us hear how Christmas goes for you. I hold you in my heart and prayer.
Plum1

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Reply by lind

25 Dec 2012, 3:57 AM

Hi All

Just a short note to say Merry Christmas. I'm at my brother's house with lots of friends and family. I am trying not to think of much except the moment and trying to appreciate what I have. I miss my husband every second but that being said its's better than being alone.

Lind

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Reply by Liticia

25 Dec 2012, 3:29 PM

Hi Lind,

Me too I was with my family and friends we has a moment for my husband spoke about him and said I much he was miss but it went better than expected.

Today is the hardest going tois sister in Montreal He ad one sister and we want there every christmas but hey better than being alone.

Thinking of everybody that is greiving it is not easy but ww will get threw it with pain.

Merry christmas everybody! xox

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Reply by Plum1

27 Dec 2012, 12:03 AM

Dear Lind and Liticia,
Thank you for checking in on Christmas Day and sharing how you were faring. I can appreciate that the day could not possibly be as you would wish, and as you have experienced it in the past. At the same time, I am so happy that both of you have family and friends with whom to gather. Yes, it is definitely better than being alone. And being with such loved ones will be important as you live other sensitive days in the future.
I am touched, Lind, that you say you were trying to focus on what you do have. Not easy, but such a gift if you can be aware of what and who are part of your life, offering strength, safety, love.
And how is this day after Christmas?
Being aware of you women who are grieving, certainly opens me to all who are alone and greiving at this time. You are in my prayers.

A very Blessed Christmas Season!
Plum1

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