Discussion Forums

Reply by Plum1

02 Mar 2013, 1:53 AM

Good evening Marstin and Liticia,

Just want to remark on what amazing women you are! As you move through this painful time of grieving, you courageously face all your feelings, your hearts are open to love and loss, and despite the rollercoaster of ups and downs, you do keep getting up each morning, and walking into the unknown. I am very glad that you have family and friends with whom you can share this journey. And I am humbled that you bring your most beautiful and vulnerable selves to this forum.

Thank you for taaching me, each in your own way, that every moment is precious, as our time here on earth is short - sometimes too short! Most precious of all is the love we expereince. Despite your great losses, I am so very happy that you were married to such loving partners. Their love is now part of you, and gives you strength.

No doubt your weather has been similar to mine over the last few days. Today was to be cloudy and snowy. And yet, we were treated to the surprise gift of sun this morning. So much like life. When we least expect it, sun breaks through the clouds. At the end of this day, and at this beginning of the month of March, I wish you little gifts of sunshine to give you the energy to go on.

Plum1

Report this post

Reply by marstin

07 Mar 2013, 3:52 AM

Thank you Plum1 for your kind words. I often beat myself up for not being strong enough or doing enough to move forward that I forget how far I've come. The knowledge that has come through all of this is incredible and I hope that in time that I can help someone else who is dealing with not only the loss of loved ones but the everyday issues that can feel like mountains. When I conquer something I think of my Mom and how although she appeared weak in some ways, she was a smart lady who could figure out just about anything she put her mind to.

The sun came out this past weekend and was actually warm enough to work a bit in my flowerbeds and clean out my planters. I remember last Mother's Day when Len sat in a chair outside with me and we filled the planters with beautiful flowers. Even in his weakened state his love came through as we talked and worked together. It was his last gift to me. Yesterday I went outside again and was so excited to see that my crocuses had popped up and begun to bloom. I felt a glimmer of hope for the future. I will miss my beautiful gardens when I have to leave them behind and can only hope that my next home will give me a space that I can plant anew.

My nieces friends are ready to start working on my home tomorrow. They lost both of their parents to cancer and are very considerate when it comes to my feelings on things. They appear to be kind and gentle men so I hope that things go smoothly. I must admit that I'm a little bit excited to see what our home will look like with a badly needed face lift.

Today marks the 6 month anniversary of my Mom's passing. It's hard to believe that so much time has gone by. I try very hard not to dwell on losing her, not yet, I need to continue to focus on getting through all of work that I have to do to relocate my girls and I. I'm not sure that this makes much sense but I'm just not ready to feel the pain of my losses.

I might finally be able to manage to get away for a few days next weekend to see my best friend. I haven't seen her since the day that Len passed away, (she was here for the wedding that didn't happen) although we talk weekly. I have a few other close friends that live not too far from her and they also are getting excited at the possiblity of at least meeting for lunch. Although it's only a four to five hour road trip there, I'm a chicken and don't like long distance driving so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it all works out and I get a ride there and back. I could sure use a break away from all of this stress. My fingers are crossed.

Report this post

Reply by nanalovesu

18 Mar 2013, 3:09 AM

A stack of love letters my sweetie wrote to me before we married tell the greatest love story of my life. Tied together with a satin ribon, they are a true symbol of love...... perhaps I will read them and remember again this wonderful man who rests forever in my heart.

Report this post

Reply by moderator | modératrice

19 Mar 2013, 12:35 PM

Hi Everyone,

Nanalovesu, it's good to hear from you, especially with such a lovely memory. Have you been able to read the letters again?

Tracie, I'm jealous that flowers are poking up in your gardens. No such luck in my part of the country. We just had a fresh snow fall again yesterday. Did you enjoy your getaway to your girlfriend's? How are the preparations for moving going? Did you know that Nanalovesu went through the same thing?

Liticia, Are you back from Cancun yet? Please bring some warm weather back with you.

Lind, How are you doing?

Plum, Sorry for the loss in your extended family. I read about it in another thread.

Did you all see this new thread that I started a couple of days ago. How to accompany someone who is grieving? It would be great if you could add your thoughts there.

I'm going to go back to crossing my fingers for Spring now. Talk soon.
Colleen

Report this post

Reply by Liticia

19 Mar 2013, 10:55 PM

Hi Coleen

I got back sunday from cancun It was great know I need to be around the right people this is what I have learned out of all of this. My co-worker lost is dad.

When he told me is dad was a stage 4 I told him to take the time off to be with him because after it is only pictures and souvenirs that he will have and he did. Went to the service this morning it was hard but I felt the need to be there to comfort him and espacily is Mom to let her know that it will be rough and to let her tears go when she needs it So when I left she told me that she understand what i was living. It was hard for me

But we need to move on. The pain is still there Going to Cancun reminded me of the good times me and Jocelyn had over there Even walk one hour on the beach to go and I have a look at the hotel we were last and I could see him in the stairs for a few moments

It is good souvenirs. But spring is coming soon Is sister will be coming down and helping me to give is clothes away this is the last step of cleaning is stuff. She will come down then have a good supper sleep over and talk about him and life what is happening in our life this will be good He only had a sister and she is the same way he was

Thanks for taking news from us and I hope everybody is getting a little more better day by day

Take care all!

Linda

Report this post

Reply by moderator | modératrice

19 Mar 2013, 11:30 PM

Bonsoir Linda,

I didn't realize that the Cancun visit was retracing a holiday you had with your beloved Jocelyn. It must have been very emotional with as many waves up and down as the ocean. It sounds like it was a very good trip and one with comfort through the sadness.

It is incredible how through the pain you are still able to share knowledgeable compassion. I'm sure your co-worker was very comforted. For wo many people, it is hard to know how to help someone who is grieving. Did you visit the other thread I talked about? It is exactly about this. Tracie wrote such an incredible message there.

Click here to see it and write your comments: How to accompany someone who is grieving?

I send you strength for the job ahead of the last step of sorting through the clothes. I'm glad your sister-in-law is coming to support you. If I remember correctly, you get along well.

Puis un petit mot en français aussi. Je t'embrasse et te donne du courage. ça me semble que tu en as beaucoup, mais un peu plus ne fait pas tort, n'est-ce pas? Merci pour partager en anglais et d'ajouter ta voix à notre communauté.

Colleen

Report this post

Reply by marstin

19 Mar 2013, 11:53 PM

Hi Colleen,

I'm sorry that your flowers aren't popping up yet but here on the 'wet' coast everything grows fast. I hope I move before I have to mow the lawn. Lol! My little getaway was fantastic. I had so much fun with my girlfriend. I met up with two other friends for lunch, one of them I hadn't seen for 25 years. So much reminiscing. I even ran into one of my old next door neighbors that I hadn't seen for about 40 years. That was a strange occurance. The sun shone most of the trip and on the way back through the mountains we ran into a bit of snow but not too much. A few hours later I was bombarded with phone calls since the roads up there had gotten so treacherous that they had to shut down the highway for hours. I guess my angels made sure I got home safe and sound first.

My mini trip was a good relief from all of the strain and I got back to pulling all of Len's income tax papers together and finally have found all that I'm going to. I'm chipping away at getting rid of stuff so that when we move, we will be a lot less overwhelmed by 'things'. I have guys working on my house who met someone who is extremely interested in purchasing my property. He's so sure of it that he has told the guys to stop fixing the house. I haven't yet met him but I guess if he shows me the right amount of money, I will sell to him. For now I will keep moving ahead on the work. I'm not quite ready to let go of my home.

I did read a bit about Nanalovesu but I'll have to go back and read some more. I know that once we have made the transition that things will feel lighter but it's the getting there that's so stressful.

Hugs,
Tracie

Report this post

Reply by Liticia

21 Mar 2013, 12:48 AM

Hi Colleen,

I think grieving is now part of me for the rest of my life. I will never probably find that great love again. We can still be smiling but inside it is not as smiley. I do express myself a lot and if I need to cry I do. Loosing my husband as change my life in so many ways. I have done a clean up with friends. I think we do need support or at least one person or two you can count on My twin sister is my biggest support if I need to talk cry or just talk about Jocelyn I know she is always there.

She makes me go out of the house. Working helps. The hardest thing is when you are just looking somewhere and remembered someting he said or done.

Summer will be coming and I am returning to the campground alone this year it is so hard just thinking of doing that trailer openning without him. I will be positive that it will all go for the best. He will probably come as a butterfly to see how I am doing

Now greiving is part of me and I do understand what we are feeling we all live it differently. But being invloved with people greiving is confortable to me because around greiving people you can cry and laugh easily with them they understand

I am a strong person but have to admit that there are days that are harder than others and days I wish he would be just beside me but it won t happen. So I always say he is walking just beside me and being proud of me. I have to say that all the love we had for one another is still there I still feel it so much

But as I say life goes on and we know how long we have so I try to enjoy every minutes of it Crying everyday is also part of the routine pain is less violent with time it as been 9 months.

So thank you for taking the time to read waht we write.

Linda

Report this post

Reply by lind

21 Mar 2013, 3:29 AM

Hello All

Just dropping in to say hi and let everyone know that it sounds like everyone is doing well. I know you will all have difficult times and those waves will continue for some time.

I'm doing very well but like all of you I have waves of grief that can be small or quite difficult. I'm back at work full time and have finished two courses - one Photography - my passion and on work related. Those really helped me.

I'm continuing to get grief counseling and have joined a grief support group which is in week two of a six week process.

Take care everyone. I wish you all the strength to grieve. Sometimes the only way to fell good again is to go through the grief process.

Take care,

Lind

Report this post

Reply by marstin

30 Apr 2013, 3:17 AM

Hi all,

Just wondering how everyone is doing? It's been very quiet on this thread the past month.

nanaluvsu did you bring out your love letters to read? I just came across a journal that Len wrote on a sailing expedition when I was pregnant with our first child. Our love was so new and fresh at that time and it made me smile.

Linda you are so fortunate to have a twin sister to lean on and who pushes you to keep going. Sharing this load is so important and makes it just that little bit easier. Opening the trailer will probably bring some sadness but you know that he will be right there with you when you do. My daughters and I will be going to the family cabin in July to release some of Len's ashes in memory of the day that he passed away. He loved that place so much, I know that he will smile down on us. Thankfully his brothers have allowed us to keep his share of heaven.

Lind, how's is your councelling going? I start mine finally tomorrow and am a little bit nervous about having all of these emotions coming to the surface. There is a bi-weekly group starting on Thursday for widow's and widower's that I will probably take part in. It would be nice to meet others going through the same thing and possibly find new friendships but it truly scares me too.

Hugs to all,
Tracie

Report this post

Enter your email address (the one you used when you joined Canadian Virtual Hospice). We will email you a new password right away.

Email Address:

Become a Member

As a member of the Canadian Virtual Hospice, you can ask a question confidentially on Ask a Professional and contribute to the Discussion Forums. Join for free now to connect and share with others.

Discussion Forum members receive a monthly newsletter. You also have the option to sign up for the Canadian Virtual Hospice monthly newsletter.

Please fill in the information below.

Nickname:*

You will be known to other users only by your nickname. You do not need to reveal your identity by using your full name, real name or email address. Choose a nickname that is easy for you to remember.

Email Address:*

Your email will not be visible on the Virtual Hospice website. We will NOT sell, distribute or misuse your email address.

Password:*

Confirm Password:*

Country: