Not success. Not growth. Not happiness. The cradle of your love of life... is death.

Hi Dale, Shelly, JennJilks, others

I am learning so much from this discussion!  I have been a resident support volunteer for 3 years, but I have always felt that at a minimum it’s a 10 year apprenticeship.  I do appreciate your guidance so much.  I wish I could have had this resource when I first began.  I wonder how many others there are out there like me.

Dale, you suggested that we might consider a separate “discussion thread”.  I whole-heartedly agree.  I am a sponge for information, in my life-long quest to become the best that I can be in palliative care volunteer work. 

I wonder if Colleen would have some ideas on setting this up and maintaining it?

Thanks so much again.

- eKim

Would someone else start a new thread on this please.  I just want to sit way in the back on this one and raise my hand once in awhile.  I am the student here.  Jenn, Dale, you both have so much to share, here.  You have no idea how many people that you will help.  Thanks,  eKim

mzmojo

I read your post and it touched my heart.  I wish I could say something profound, but I cannot.  I do not know what to say.  I cannot help you.  Perhaps someone else who has experienced something similar can give you some guidance.  I can perhaps share with you some “life experience” of my own.

I have spent a lifetime trying to figure out why people do what they do or why they don’t do what I wish they would do.  The natural outcome of this train of thought is sadness.

We perceive their actions (or lack of actions) to be directed towards us, in order to hurt us.  Nothing can be further from the truth.  While we fret and fuss, they are blithely continuing on with their lives, barely giving us a thought, never mind thinking about our distress.

Being a very simple person, I went looking for a simple answer.  Very simplistically, I coined the following phrase, “Most people, most of the time, are mostly going to do what they mostly see to be in their immediate self interest.”  I know this is an over-simplification, but it sure seems to answer a lot of unanswerable questions for me about human behaviour. 

Also remember that we can wish that people would love us more, but the truth is that someone can only love you as much as they are capable of.  This has nothing whatsoever to do with your worthiness – you are worthy.  It is entirely to do with their personal limitations.

Like I said in the beginning, I cannot help you.  But please remember, you were created in perfection, precious and loved.  Your Mom is looking down on you, is there by your side in spirit.  Look to her for the validation that you are beloved.  The opinions and lack of concern by others are nothing in comparison to this sacred truth.  

I have a feeling that your problem will be your solution.  The extraordinary love that you and your Mom shared will be the unstoppable force that will help you heal.  Trust in the process.  I hate to spoil the ending, but everything will turn out all right.

-eKim