If your heart is broken and you feel that the entirety of you is broken, what happens as you mend, as you put the broken pieces back together?

Outwardly, you look the same – everyone still thinks that you are the same person.

But are you? Inside, how do you see the new you? How do you present the new you?  

How do you change from "we" to "me"?  

What and who is helping you?

Any comments or reflections? 

Please share your thoughts to help others on this difficult journey. 

- eKim

These are terrific and poignant questions that I have asked myself frequently. I would venture there is no one way or path to heal a broken heart. Our hearts were broken from loving as much as we did and that love is a product of time and a slow building process. The mending and coming into our own is a process that cannot be rushed or prescribed as much as it has to happen and come from within from the place our love resides. It is an artesian well of emotion and love that needs to come to the surface to redefine ourselves in our eyes, in the mirror, and to the world.  

Hi Mark99

The fact that we are all unique is one of the most wonderful aspects of our humanity.  We all have different stories and different ways of reacting to our stories.  It really points out the futility of trying to suggest any course of action to another, regardless of one’s desire to help.  In the end, I suppose the most useful thing that we can do as compassionate souls is to listen, quietly. 

I have heard it said that the answers to our most soul-felt questions reside deep within us, sometimes inaccessible because they lie hidden under layers of emotions.   It is such a relief (it has happened to me) to hear oneself verbalize one’s answer simply because a compassionate other had taken the time to listen.

Just last week someone asked me why I am a hospice volunteer.  Without thinking, I blurted out, “From the depths of great pain comes the desire to comfort others who are in great pain.” 

I never related this concept to my own life because, I have had a blessed life ever since I first met my wife in the “summer of ’69 – and now, here I am 43 happily married years, two daughters and four grandsons later.

But then I recalled my sad childhood, surviving not one, but two dysfunctional families and realize that the aftershocks of the pain that I felt as a child were still with me today.  Ergo, my high sensitivity towards the suffering of others.  It is interesting how even at 65 years of age, one can still discover new insights into oneself.

I relate this, not to make this “about me”, but to give a personal and poignant example of the cathartic power of telling one’s story and the healing influence of a compassionate listener.

I (and the others here at Virtual Hospice) encourage you Mark99, and others to tell the story of your journey, in anonymity.  Yes, we probably will make our inane comments, so please forgive our stumbling attempts at empathizing.  This is offered in the hope that in the miracle of your own voice, you as well as others, will find your answers.

 -eKim

Hi Tracie

I loved reading your posting.  You speak right from your heart.  I had the feeling that you received some comfort from “speaking” your heart out, for several reasons.  I sensed a catharsis in your words, as though you were releasing pent up negative emotions.  Also, I sense that it is a relief to “speak” to people who are not here to judge you, only to support you.  That’s Virtual Hospice for you.

Your daughter gave you very wise advice.  It sounds as though she must have suffered through the “mean girls” syndrome at some time, or something similar.  Moving onward with your solid core values intact and leaving those who do not share your values behind, is a huge step in anyone’s personal growth.  “If you can’t change the people around you, then change the people around you.”

I love the following quote:  “Scatter words of kindness upon the world. If others cannot hear them, send them love. Not everyone will be able to receive your kindness and that’s OK. Bless their path and send loving angels to be with them. Then go focus upon the people who have words of kindness for you.”  - unknown   

You speak of feeling angry and bitter.  That is sad that people make you feel this way, Tracie.  Remember two things: firstly, their shortcomings are theirs, they don’t reflect on your character and worth; secondly, while you are feeling this anger and bitterness, you are spoiling the beauty of the moment that you could be enjoying.  Furthermore, they are happily continuing on, blithely unaware of your pain.  Don’t let people rent space in your mind.  Evict them!

You know what I love most about your attitude, Tracie?  You fully acknowledge the difficulty of your journey of grief and growth, however you already know that you will come out at the end of all this, a winner.  The prize will be a new you and a new life.  Remember, this one fact about the search for happiness:  “The bad news:  There is no key to happiness.  The good news:  It isn’t locked.” 

Keep us posted on your progress, Tracie.

-        eKim