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Reply by NatR

18 Oct 2013, 7:27 PM

Dear Lilbear ,

Tracie said what I would say, hugs for today. You are doing such a terrific job of being in one day at a time.

one day you will look back (as we all do) and see things do much clearer. Unfortunately we can't see how it all plays out til much later, but I am rooting for you on your plans to transform your business into the new workable fit:)

i send you my thoughts today, I feel your heart ache, we all do:( - it's hard to do what you are doing - walking through the tunnel, watching for that beam of light where you can feel once again on the clear path.

Because we all feel scared, we all need to lean on each other.
i am so glad to be part of a forum like this, a website made for people in crisis,that is doing exactly what is needed, connecting, sharing, supportive!

keep posting;) keep taking care of you Paula
NatR xo

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Reply by LOSTHEMOJO

29 Dec 2013, 10:33 PM

Hey Paula,

Sorry, I'm sorry to read what you are mentally going through, but I'm glad there are others whom feel the same way I do. Since the passing of my parents, I have seemed to have lost my mojo for life. Even though, I try each day to make it positive, some days are harder than others. I'm lost as to how to get it back. Though most of my worries are financial on-top of the whole no family idea, it just too much sometimes. Some days I do not even feel like getting out of bed, even though I must because of work. On the weekends I just lay there and watch tv from bed.

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Reply by moderator | modératrice

29 Dec 2013, 11:40 PM

Hi LostTheMojo,

Welcome to Virtual Hospice. I'm so glad you found this thread and wrote to connect with Lilbear, as well as Marstin, NatR, Bizzy and others. It is hard to make such a step when you feel like you can't do anything.

Perhaps you could tell us a bit more about yourself and your parents. How long ago did you lose them? Do you live by yourself?

Talk soon.
Colleen

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Reply by marstin

30 Dec 2013, 4:16 PM

Hi Losthemojo,

I echo Colleen in welcoming you. Loss is a very painful thing and so often the financial impact can cause twice as much pain when it's the last thing you need to deal with. Having lost my partner of 23 years and my mom just weeks later was extremely difficult. Although it has been just over a year, the financial complications have made it difficult to concentrate on anything except them and move ahead in life.

Do you have any close friends to help you through this? Any extended family? It's truly tough to go through these things alone. I have a brother but we do not communicate very well and my closest friends all live at a distance. The people I have met on this forum have become a huge source of inspiration and support. I hope that you will continue to share on here and allow us to help you through all of this.

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by marstin

30 Dec 2013, 4:19 PM

Hi Paula,

Just wondered how things were going with you. Haven't heard from you for awhile so I hope that things are moving ahead and that you are feeling a bit stronger.

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by lilbear

03 Jan 2014, 3:02 PM

Hello all,
I am sorry for being away for so long. As you know, I have had a lot to deal with due to the business. I am happy to report that I have made a huge step. I have closed the store and am moving it to a different location that is better set up for me to now take the business in a new direction that will hopefully be more fitting to me and my family. I am excited and very overwhelmed at the same time. It is a lot of change and work and I find myself really missing the encouragement of my parents.
I hear them in my head...telling me to believe in myself and go for it. We all know that is not the same. What I wouldn't give for that hug and to be able to bounce my ideas off of them. My mom was great at this business and my mentor. I want to do her proud.
Iam fortunate in that most people I have come in contact in the store are very encouraging and supportive of this new venture. Unfortunately, I am the type that can be brought down by one person's negativity and it takes a lot for me to let it go. I keep telling myself..."nothing ventured, nothing gained". That is my new motto. That's pretty telling in its3lf, I think, since it used to be "this too shall pass".
Losing my parents was the worse thing that ever happened to me. But, I do feel like I am getting stronger. That said, I am constantly surprised by how quickly emotions can change. You just never know when something is going to "get" you. I just let it come and have my moments. The holidays were very hard. I actually found New year's eve hardest. It felt very permanent some how. Even though it has been months without them, starting a year knowing they aren't here just seemed harder. I hope you know what I mean.
LOSTTHEMOJO, please allow yourself the time to grieve and even get mad. The situation does suck! But, you will find your way back again. You made a very important step in reaching out here. This forum and these people have been instrumental to my ability to move on. I am still working through it and even though I may not come on as often at times, just knowing that this support is here whenever I need it, is a comforting feeling.
Don't give up! Keep reaching out...talk to anyone that will listen...it is important to express. Perhaps

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Reply by lilbear

03 Jan 2014, 3:10 PM

Sorry, computer cut it off.
Perhaps, even journal your feelings. Some people find that helpful too. I know it is easier said then done...just don't be afraid to ask for help. That was one of the hardest things for me.
Please stay in touch.

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Reply by marstin

03 Jan 2014, 3:42 PM

Hi lilbear,

It's so good to hear from you. Sounds like huge changes in your life and that you are feeling good about your decisions. Sometimes you have to let go of things and just trust that you are making the right choices. I'm still working on that but feel like I'm getting closer to making a huge decision on whether to fight my brother on my parents estate or just accept what has happened and let it go. Either way, I will be free of him and a huge stress factor in my life.

When you mention New Years, I know how hard my first one without my family was. Christmas that year was okay but when New Years came I fell to pieces. This year was good even though I feared it. I guess I had healed enough to accept it.

It seems like along the way you find so many people that will come out of the woodwork and be so supportive. Some, as quickly as they show up, disappear almost as fast but they have made an imprint on your life. I see them as angels that swoop in and make things make sense. Yes, then there are the negative ones that can easily crush your spirit but you learn I think to sidestep them. They have no use in your life.

I don't think the emotional moments ever really go away. I have some major highs followed by major lows when I just don't know if I can take one more step. Saying that, I get up the next day and get back to work so I guess it's all part of the rollercoaster effect that comes with grief.

I'm sure that your parents are proud of how far you have come. You are a fighter and it shows in all that you have accomplished in such a short time.

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by NatR

03 Jan 2014, 4:06 PM

Hi lilbear

i second Tracie's words - such a roller coaster ride - getting through days, getting through holidays - looking back and seeing that you have made it through some bumps - it's good to see that your business plans are coming together for you too!

its great that customers and friends are supportive - that means a lot.

its good to know you are doing okay and it's lovely that you let us know;). Thank you
keep in touch and good luck with your business ;)
i think everyone is happy to have the holidays over and move on into the beginning of a better year
Spring will be welcome - this is the coldest winter I can remember - it's still -47 this morning with windchill brrrr
sending you a warm hug
natR ;)

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Reply by Mark99

06 Jan 2014, 2:15 PM

Lost:

For me I see that it was not only the mojo that was lost but I was. And 5+ years after Donna's dx and 2+ year following her passing there are moments when I am not sure who or where I am. The interstitial periods between the feeling lost is expanding but the pain is still there but, in a different fashion. I know it seems like I am relating how it never gets better. No that is not my goal. It does get better but relative to who we are and what we have seen and lived. There is something called Post Traumatic Growth which is what occurs in many following trauma or loss.

I have written a long winded piece on it and my story. "Caregiving, Loss, Grief, and Recovery: A Journey" it may give you some new ideas to consider. Here is the URL:

http://bioc.net/blog/2013/11/11/caregiving-loss-grief-and-recovery-a-journey.html

There is a quote I open with "The sun comes up even when the curtains are closed" it is from Brandy Clark a singer song writer. Kind of sums it up for us.

Be well and keep speaking to us here.

Mark

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