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Reply by marstin

21 Nov 2013, 6:19 AM

Hi Nikki,

It's amazing isn't it how our bodies have a way of telling us to care for them. Sometime's you just have to take a break from everything and do some self care. All of the stress can sure play havoc with your entire system.

I hope you and your Mom have a great time at bingo. My mom and I used to go all of the time and loved it even though we rarely won. Lol! When our bingo place shut down we traded it in for a once a week trip to the casino. Even now I go there on Tuesday's by myself, like we always did, just to relive the fun times we had. When I see an older lady go by with a cane that clicks it brings a smile to my lips. Memories cannot be taken away.

As this will probably be the first Christmas that your son will even notice the sights and sounds, it should bring you alot of happiness. Try to take each day as it comes and enjoy it. No one know's what the future will bring and I guess that it's better that we can't see too far ahead.

Thanks for the compliment, although I know at times this past year I'm sure that my daughter's would disagree with you. It has been tough to be the one leaned on when my entire support system has been taken away and I don't have anyone to turn to. That's where this site has been such a gift. Having people who are there at the stroke of a keyboard to bring support and understanding has helped me to keep moving forward and not feel completely alone. I'm also attending a group for widow's and widower's and it's good to be able to at least share that loss with other's in similar situations. Talking makes things so much more bearable.

Hugs to you,
Tracie

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Reply by Nikki99

25 Nov 2013, 7:25 PM

I lost my Mom this morning....I am still in so much shock. I am never going to hear her voice again, never feel her comforting hugs. I lost a piece of my heart today. I can't believe she is gone, I miss her so much already.

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Reply by NatR

25 Nov 2013, 7:44 PM

Oh Nikki,
my sincere condolences to you. You are so young to lose your mom. It is a horrible loss for you, for your family, your young son.

thank you for taking the time to let us know. Keep posting if you have things on your heart to share. About your mom, about your feelings.

I am sending my thoughts your way.
Be comforted in knowing that your mom is at rest, right now that probably doesn't help much.
peace,
NatR

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Reply by marstin

25 Nov 2013, 10:12 PM

Nikki I am so, so sorry for the pain you must be feeling. This all happened so quickly for you. I wish you were closer so that I could give you a big hug. There are no words that can that can ease your pain but know that we will be here when you feel the need to talk.

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by moderator | modératrice

26 Nov 2013, 3:15 AM

Dear Nikki,
I wish we could take away the pain. As Nat and Tracie said, we are here whenever you want to talk and even when you don't have the words to express what you're feeling. Just let us know you need to know that someone out there gets it. We're here.
Colleen

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Reply by GirlWithTheBlackBeret

26 Nov 2013, 3:04 PM

Oh Nikki, I'm so sorry to hear your Mom has passed. My thoughts are with you at this unbearably sad time. The next couple days will probably be very busy for you, when things settle down be sure to reach out, we are still here to support you. Sending you a big virtual hug, Camille

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Reply by Nikki99

26 Nov 2013, 3:13 PM

thank you everyone for your kind messages. This morning I have to go to my Mom's and Step Dad's and I am so scared to go there. It is going to be so empty without her. I am still in shock and it doesn't seem real but going there will make it more real and I don't want that. It's going to hurt so much. I keep thinking of all the things I will never be able to tell my Mom and hear her reply and all the things she will miss and I will miss. WHy does it not seem real? How am I going to get over the holidays? I was already not looking forward to it but my Mom was the person that got me in the mood and now, i could careless. The only thing I want to do is buy my son some presents because he is all that matters now. I had started buying gifts but I am returning those now becase I cannot bear to be around ppl and celebrate. Do you know what I realized this morning? I have lost a person every 2 years for the last 7 years. This year being the absolute worst loss of all. The other 3 were grandparents and more understandable-this is not. It's ironic that it wasn't even the cancer-my Mom had COPD as well. she just could not catch her breath. It makes me so mad because we had so much fun last week together and she seemed to be doing pretty good and she had said the cancer was just sitting there and had stopped growing. I felt hope, only for it to be shattered a few days later.....

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Reply by NatR

26 Nov 2013, 4:32 PM

Dear Nikki,

thoughts are with you as you deal with the things you need to take care of.
somehow the strength comes for you, and yes you are right nothing is fair about losing your mom so very young.

you are right about making sure your son has his Christmas, as he doesn't know what just happened to your world.

You are so young to have dealt with so much loss over the years
No wonder this has hit you so hard. It's a lot to deal with. It makes me realize just how strong you are as a person. Strength is one thing, grief is another. Grief is something we all know.

I send you my thoughts today as you do what you need to do. Keep focused and tackle it, knowing that you are stronger than you think.
sending a cyber hug,
NatR :)

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Reply by marstin

26 Nov 2013, 4:36 PM

Hi Nikki,

This truly is a difficult time for you and no words can bring you much comfort but know that you are in the thoughts of many. However you choose to spend your Christmas is your choice. We spent our first Christmas surrounded by family members and wished that we were at home by ourselves. This year we will do just that.

It's hard to know why life can be so cruel. The last week you had enjoying your mom will be something that you will be able to relive for many years to come. Memories of her will be what gets you through all of this pain and help you to keep moving forward.

How did things go with your visit to your mom's house today? I think our bodies have a way of protecting us when we are in so much pain and it's like being surrounded by a fog when we aren't able to accept what has happened. I hope that while you are there that you are able to still feel her spirit and her love surrounding you.

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by Nikki99

27 Nov 2013, 3:00 PM

Thanks ladies for being here for me, I really appreciate it. So I have all this support around me and I really doo appreciate it but I still feel so alone and empty. I was wondering why but my Mom was everything to my brother and I so it makes sense.....doesn't make it any easier but I think it makes sense. Yesterday was so hard being at her place. My step Dad and I broke down together and my poor husband did too, not as bad but I realize this is not easy for him. He has really been there for me lately and I am glad. Being at my Mom's was hard because everywhere I turned I saw her, all her decorating and such. My Step Dad has his few touches but my Mom is just everywhere in her house. it hurt me so bad, more than I thought. Also, I found out that she was running out of breath and she told me step dad to call the ambulance but it was too late. knowing this hurt because she said when the time came to not ask her to stay, so she was not ready to go yet either. :( I wanted her to go in her sleep where she wouldn't know it and this was way worse. That hurts me. I wish I could feel her around me because it would make it so much easier but I don't. Why can't I feel her around me? :( I desperately need this....

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