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Reply by NatR

23 Dec 2013, 12:51 AM

Hi Nikki and Tracie,

as I just wanted to wish you a peaceful Christmas. I hope that as this year comes to an end and you are both grieving and remembering your lost loved ones, that you know you have added to your extended family by joining the forum here.

I think it's really helpful to have a corner where you can pick others brains as we all deal with our feelings and grief...
it also is an oasis of sorts..a place where you can ask anything, vent and express your sorrow and struggles....without offending anyone or being judged....and that helps....it's like phoning a friend...but writing it out on the keyboard....and being heard.

each of us are different, from different parts of the country or even the world. It's helpful, from a personal point of view to listen to you, read your notes, hear how you are doing...and watch as we each pick up our lives, learn how to keep going, even with loss.

We we all help each other.
sending you best wishes....
Natr

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Reply by Nikki99

23 Dec 2013, 2:40 AM

Thanks for your kind note Nat! It's definitely going to be hard getting through Christmas this year, I feel I can't stop thinking about my Mom and wishing so badly were here as the days get closer. To think that I have to live the rest of my life without her is almost unbearable. The pain is so deep and I wonder if it will ever go away? Tr acie, hope you are doing ok, I know you said you were busy with company but if you can, send us a quick note. Hope your company keeps you busy for the holidays and that it helps you through.
Colleen, thank you for deleting my e-mail, I realized later that just anyone could send me one. That's me, act first, think later. Oops....

Tracie and Nat, I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me and always sending encouragement and advice. I don't think I would be handling things very well if I didn't have the support from both of you. So thank you. Hugs to you both :)

Nikki

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Reply by NatR

23 Dec 2013, 2:46 AM

Nikki! You are welcome! ;)
natR

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Reply by marstin

23 Dec 2013, 6:15 AM

Hi Nikki and Nat,

Thanks for thinking of me. My company has left and although it was nice in many ways, it was tough to have someone here for two weeks straight. Saying that, I am so glad to have had her here when family deception concerning my mom's estate reared it's ugly head. I have been struggling this year as it is to bring Christmas into our home and this really hit hard. Tomorrow we will finish decorating the tree and put some decorations up and celebrate that we have each other. I am blessed to have two beautiful loving daughters.

The holidays are always the tough ones. As this will be your first I know that it will be extremely difficult . Your loss is so new sweet NIkki and my only advise is to close your eyes and remember the happier times. It will not ease the pain but might bring back fond memories that you were blessed to have had. For you Nat, it will also be your first Christmas without your mom in your world and I send a great big hug to you. I find myself crying and smiling as memories come sweeping in this year. I miss the big family dinners and the laughter and love that surrounded us.

I know that our loved ones are just out of sight and that they will help us make it through this time.

Merry Christmas and big bear hugs to you,
Tracie

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Reply by NatR

23 Dec 2013, 3:59 PM

Tracie, Nikki, and all viewers of this post,

Merry Christmas, Happy Memories, be warmed as Tracie said by the love and warmth of past celebrations - and give that warmth and love back to the ones in your circle, your family, your children, your friends, whover shares this holiday with you.

Tracie I admire your brave face forward despite the loss, the financial stress, the complications and worries. I send you hugs and wanted to say that this Christmas season I am focussing myself on others around me who are alone - for the holidays. I have one friend my age who is isolated and we are planning a meal together. Another neighbour who has hardly anyone to check in her, has become one of my extended families, popping in to give her a hug, bring her soup or cookies - or just a smile.

We we all hurt with our losses, challenges, and now we can relate to many others right in our area who need us to add something to their lonely world.

Frankly I enjoy every hug I give because in so doing I get a hug back! :)

grief and loss is something that we all learn the feeling of, if we don't know it - then we have not yet lost a loved one. Love matters, love hurts, love is missed, and I don't say that lightly.

i think of my mom daily, now that she is gone. I miss her and I learned from her. No one went hungry or thirsty from her house. No one missed having a hug or having heard a prayer of support as they continued their day, or journey.

i am not really religious but I am spiritual - I know we all have something inside that lives on - and that spirit is with you, each of you that mourn loss.

Be happy for the time you shared and the warmth that love brought you... And yes, never forget...but remember those loved ones, mom, husband, wife, chikd or young adult - and what they gave you in the name of love....and pass it on.

sending each of you big hugs today and through the next week....
i know you are going to make memories this Holiday Season too;)
with thoughts and encouragement,
NatR :)

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Reply by moderator | modératrice

30 Dec 2013, 1:23 AM

Hi Nikki,

I've been thinking about you these past days. How are you? How did the holidays go?

Did you see that a new member joined our Virtual Hospice community today. Dragonfly started a new thread Dealing with my mom's death! I wonder if you would like to welcome her and let her know she is not alone.

I firmly believe that it is because of messages like those in this thread that others have the courage to share.
Thank you,
Colleen

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Reply by Nikki99

30 Dec 2013, 2:39 AM

Hi Colleen,

Thanks for thinking of me Colleen. The holidays were really hard and I am so glad they are over.

I did not see that post by Dragonfly until you mentioned it and I will definitely post something on her thread. Thanks for letting me know!

Take care,

Nikki

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Reply by dragonfly4

30 Dec 2013, 10:14 PM

Hello everyone,
I lost my mom on December 1 and Christmas has come and gone. It's still very unbelievable that she isn't with us. The week before her funeral was very surreal, decisions to be made, the service, etc. My family and I were totally swamped with love and condolences. It felt very strange beingin my parents house with my dad and family, but she wasn't there. Everytime I walked down the stairs or turned the corner into the kitchen, I expected her to be there. It's so hard to not see her! I think I am doing ok, it's very comforting to know that others out there have lost a mom and know how I feel. I really appreciate the posts you suggested I read, they have helped. So, I decided to post on the thread. I am having a hard time, explaining and trying to find some sort of comfort for my 3 children. They are 20, 17 and 14, and were so close to their grandma. They were there touching her and loving her up until the moment she died. How do you explain, her pain is gone and she is better off, when you just would do anthing to have her here? I would give anything, to have those last 2 days with her again, to tell her that I love her and that I always will and how much she meant to me!
Lynne

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Reply by marstin

31 Dec 2013, 4:23 AM

Hi Lynne,

Your loss is so new and I think when you have to deal with so many issues after someone passes away that you tend to just go into auto mode. I somewhat remember some of it but a lot was a blur. It is never easy. I can still remember walking into my mom's house after she passed away and touching everything, smelling her scent,sitting on her deck where we shared our daily coffee and missing her so much. Not much has really changed except we have since sold the house but the memories are etched firmly in my mind.

My daughter's were 20 & 22 when we first lost their dad to cancer then 7 1/2 weeks later we lost my mom. As a very close knit family, it was devastating for them. We spent the last week of my mom's life sitting by her bedside in the hospital and although she slept most of the time, we sat and chatted quietly to her and the girl's would talk about school and work and old memories. It was an incredible time of love. I think your kids understand but it will take time to accept this loss. They probably all have different types of personalities and each one will find their own way to grieve. Even now, just over a year later, it doesn't take much to bring tears to our eyes when an old memory pops up. One of my daughter talks about it but the other one turns away and disappears into her room.I don't think you ever stop missing them, you just learn to live with it.

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by NatR

01 Jan 2014, 6:42 PM

Hello to each person who reads this thread, especially nikki99, Tracie, dragonfly4, and of course each one of our supportive team, including Katherine and Colleen.

i wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year.
for all of us who have lost a loved one,there is no way to fully recover from the feeling of loss. Everything in our world changes. Celebration and holiday time is particularly difficult.

suddenly life changes, our loved ones are gone without us being able to say, Hang on, wait a minute, we aren't ready for that, we will never be ready for that ( speaking these words in my head) but feeling like they might be helpful to share these thoughts today.

i know where my empty holes are in my heart, I know almost everyone has an empty space too...we can't live in this world without experiencing loss sooner or later.

it always happens too soon, we are never ready.
i just wanted to send out hugs to each of you, thanking you for interactions, for sharing your world, for letting me share a bit of mine.

we are supports for each other. thank you for giving me opportunity to reach out, to ease my pain by understanding loss in others - and reaching out to them.

the forum, the staff behind the scenes, the professionals - they all give us a Vurtual Hang out!
Thank you!
take care of yourselves today...and hugs to all,
NatR

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