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I can't go on 
Started by sickness
06 Dec 2013, 4:46 PM

OMG!!    I have this terrible black hole in my heart!   its been 40 days since my hubby has passed away!  I miss him sooo much!  I have to put this strong face on for my kids... 18 and 16... Cause they see me upset then there twice as upset and I don't know how to help them, if I can't help myself!  I am by myself He left me!!!!! I can't do this!  What the hell did I do wrong to become a widow at age 46!!!!!!  I see everyone around me happy....shopping for Christmas...and just being a normal family!   NORMAL?!?!    I will be never be normal again......how do I find strength To carry on?  I can't stop crying today...... Yes I have a great family support....but I can't be whining on them all the time.... They have lives they are living and then along  comes me....Debbydowner..... So I out on my face again!    Ahhhhhhhh
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Reply by moderator | modératrice
07 Dec 2013, 2:52 AM

Dear Sickness,

Your pain is so raw I can almost see it. How I wish there was a magic wand I could wave, but we both know there isn't. Perhaps it is because of your message that I found this quote today -

"The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next."
---Mignon McLaughlin 

Ask yourself to manage only one step at a time. And you can whine here - anytime and as much as you need too.

Let's get you on a thread of messages where others who have been there are talking. If you post a message to one of the links in the list below, the other people sharing on that thread will get an email notification that you posted a message and they will join in.
You can simply copy your message into one of these threads rather than write a new message. If you have any questions, feel free to email me at colleen [at] virtualhospice [dot] ca.

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Reply by NatR
08 Dec 2013, 8:47 PM

Dear sickness, 

my heart goes out to you.  I have responded to you on the threads listed above
you are not alone, please keep sharing
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Reply by Razz
09 Dec 2013, 4:51 AM


" Grief is the price we pay for love. " - Queen Elizabeth II 

The deeper the love the deeper the loss is felt.  And that loss you feel is what we call mourning and in deep mourning our pain feels so raw and at times unbearable.  But we do bear is everyday simply by putting one foot in front of the other.  Do not try to hide it but instead go with it and allow your soul to release that sorrow.  It will get better but not yet, not now, maybe not for a long time; but it does deminish with time to a bearable ache.  

Allow your children to share your grief with you.  They too must work their way through this process and it's important for them as well to not try to push it away or stuff it down.  They feel their loss just as acutely as you do and their is comfort for all of you in a grief shared.  It's OK and very normal for them to be upset.  Don't be afraid of that but instead be let them know that what they are going through seems totally unfair but is all part of this cycle of life.  We often tend to label emotions as good ones or bad ones but really they are neither.  Emotions are simply a response to an event and how that event effects us at the time.  Expressing those emotions as we feel them is the best way to come to understand just what it is we're feeling and eventually it will help find ways to cope with them easier.  

I'm so sorry for your loss.  He was a young man and now you are a young widow but as you've noticed life does continue on around you.  Do not expect to "get over" your grief any sooner than it takes.  But let in small amounts of that life around you in.  Each small piece that you can let in will help you to get back into that "flow" that you are just watching now.  

be good to you - Razz  
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Reply by sickness
11 Dec 2013, 1:15 PM


thank you for those words!   :)

Yes one foot in front of each other -slowly......will probably be the way!  
It's going to be soo hard this Christmas season.... I don't know how we will get thru this, my youngest is already saying she does not want Christmas to come!  But then I reply and say..."you know your dad would want you to be happy and celebrate Christmas for him!   Great advice...I know..but I can't seem to take my own advice!!?

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Reply by missie
29 Jun 2014, 5:56 PM

How are you doing, sickness. My b/f died 13 days ago, and Im wondering how you are
pulling through, I feel like what you do. How have you been coping? 
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