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07 Mar 2014, 2:52 AM

Hi Mymothersdaughter and mzmojo,

Good to see you both back.

Mymothersdaughter,
It is important to know your limit. While the support through our community is incredible, reading about so many difficult situations can easily be overwhelming. I'm glad you know when to step away. JennJilks also talked about this in another thread here.  

What do you think about using the Reflections & Inspriation section to start topics that are on "off topic"?
 
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12 May 2014, 12:29 AM

Hi everyone, 

Today is Mother's Day and I can imagine that this day may be bittersweet for many of you as you remember your moms and celebrate motherhood. How did you celebrate today? Was it surrounded by many family and friends or did you choose to keep it small and quiet?

Thinking of you.
Colleen 
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12 May 2014, 12:40 AM

Hello Colleen,

I just came back from a 3 week holiday to Germany with my husband.  I have been carrying around a lot of unnecessary guilt about things, ie, my Mom's death, did I do enough and a lot of worrying about the unknown when someone you love dies, where do they go, ect.  I decided this was making me sick and when I was in Germany it was time to reflect and let things go.  When I came home, I felt like a weight had been lifted and I was able for the second time to go to my Mom's grave sight.  I am a Mom myself to a 22 year old son but he was out working and didn't put a lot of emphasis on this day.  I went and shed a tear at the grave sight but didn't dwell and walked away.  Today was spent missing Mom but I got on with doing other daily activities.  She will forever be in my heart.

Thank you for asking 
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12 May 2014, 12:44 AM

Beautiful! Simply beautiful. 

Thank you so much for taking a minute to tell us about your journeys - to Germany and your heart.

 
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Reply by mzmojo
14 Jul 2014, 5:53 AM

Hello Colleen, sorry I didn't respond sooner.  I didn't receive any notification that a post had been made.  My mother's day was very difficult.   It was not at all how I wanted to spend the day.  My boyfriend,  daughter and myself went for brunch and then I went to my mother's grave.   I didn't really want to be with anyone.  Just my daughter.  When I came home my in laws were at my house for dinner.  I don't really get along with mother in law so needless to say this was a horrible day.  I wasn't in the mood to play hostess.   I had no issue with my boyfriend being with his mother but why did it have to be at my house. .. He was supposed to be going to their town and going for dinner.   

The weekend was also hard because my daughter's 3rd birthday was the day after mother's day.   We had her party the following Saturday and it went well.

I am not doing any better. I miss my mom so very much that I physically ache in my chest.   It has been since December 21, 2012 and I feel no different than I did that day.  I still cry.. mostly at night so my daughter doesn't know.   I think I'm still in shock and denial that this has happened.   She was my everything and now. .. I'm just lost 
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Reply by NatR
14 Jul 2014, 12:00 PM

Dear mzmojo

i saw your post and had to reply to you
i see on your photo that you are with your mom and your daughter? What a lovely photo to have - I hope that is one of many.

i understand you are still grieving and you feel so lost without your mom - but what about your little girl and your boyfriend?  They still need you so much especially that little girl... Can you find a doctor who can help you get through this difficult time of grief, or a counsellor or a support group ( in your community)

you are needed by your family - and as much as you love your mom and feel her loss - I hope you will see that your daughter esepically needs you to be strong and go on 

and I hope today you may connect with someone who can point you in the direction of support and encouragement 

here on the forum - we are listening but we aren't right there with you in person.  Sometimes a personal point of view helps you see what may work best for you - you need to take  care of you first and then your little family.

sending you encouragement across the miles
hugs
natR  
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Reply by KathCull_admin
14 Jul 2014, 4:32 PM

Hi
Mzmojo, I am sorry you did not receive a notification about the posts. Was it something we need to fix on our end?

I can understand why you wanted to be alone with your daughter and memories of your mom on Mother's Day. It can be hard for others to understand that being alone is okay. And I guess it's hard to talk about too.

NatR wisely asked what support you have from friends, other family, family doctor or other community resources. I am not sure of your exact location in Ontario but if you go to Programs and Services and click on the province of Ontario it will bring you to a list of resources you might want to check out. Bereavement Services might be a place to start. 

What a gift for you to have had such an amazing mother. How do you share memories of her with your little girl? Stories or pictures or?

Take care mzmojo
Katherine

 
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Reply by mzmojo
16 Jul 2014, 4:24 AM

Hi natR and Katherine.   Thank you so much for reaching out.   I do have some really amazing friends and family that I can talk to.  I'm also very close to two of my aunts that are my mom's sisters.   I also speak to a psychologist every couple of weeks.   I am on an anti depressant as well.  I used to attend a group meeting at hospice but it now falls on a day when I'm on afternoons. 

I am hoping so badly that my daughter  can remember my mom. We talk about her and I made up little photo albums for her to look at whenever she wants.  I put every picture that was ever taken of the two of them in these. 

I am just still in shock that she isn't here anymore.   There are these brief seconds where just for that time,  I feel like it wasa horrible nightmare - that it all didn't happen.  Then reality slams me in the chest.

I still function as I did before.   I try not to cry around anyone.   My boyfriend and I take our daughter on little trips and outings.   We are going on a family vacation in 2 weeks.   I don't have a choice, I need to act normal so that my daughter is forever smiling and happy to be with me. 

Thank you both again.
Lori 
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Reply by angelefish
01 Aug 2014, 2:36 AM

I just wanted to say I am so very deeply sorry for your losses....and that reading your posts made me feel better....not as alone as I've been feeling for the past couple months.  I lost my mom to breast cancer after a long battle in March of this year.  She was 63...and far to young to leave us.  I really feel like theres no one that understands what it is like to watch someone die.  I have the images burned in my head of the final days and moments of her life at the hospice and thats all I have been able to think about for the past few months now.  I had no idea that anyone else would understand that.  I am married and have a husband and 3 children and basically thats what keeps me going during the daytime.  I hate being alone... all i do is think...and once one memory of that time returns then they all do. I find the nights the hardest...going to bed and you lie there thinking about everything...I often end up downstairs on my computer....crying and writing emails to her about our day.....I just want to feel like she's still on the other end somehow. I feel a huge amount of guilt about those final days.....I wanted to make sure she knew I was going to be ok even if it meant being strong in that time....and leaving the falling apart until now.  There was a point when she wasnt able to talk much anymore...and she sat there and listened to our conversations....Some one had asked me if I planned to have more kids....and I said no...I remember the exact look she gave me waiting for my answer....I'll never forget it....I said no even though I knew it was probably a lie...I didn't want her to worry about missing something which I knew wholeheartedly she would.  It breaks my heart everytime I think about it....everytime I have an appointment for prenatal or ultrasound.  
 I dont know how to make it through this without her.  I made an appointment with a psychologist for tuesday of next week and I am terrified.  I dont know what its going to be like...what it will make me feel when I feel like I already feel so much.  Add in that im about 14 weeks pregnant ....not exactly the best combo right now.
 
Thanks for listening
Angele 
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Reply by KathCull_admin
01 Aug 2014, 3:36 AM

Hello Angele
Welcome to our community Angele.  It's amazing isn't it the power of the written word - especially when it's written by people who understand. 

In the article Grief Work Fred Nelson wrote, “Experiencing the death of someone significant to us can be compared to experiencing a cut. The more significant and complex the relationship, the more severe the cut will be. In order to heal from the cut, and work through our grief, we need to heal from the inside out, layer by layer. This usually requires keeping the cut open and exposed. This process can be quite painful. 


How wonderful that your mother cared so much for you and your family. Even though it may seem like a poor substitute, you will have many stories about who she was to share with your children.


Do you have family or friends who support you Angele? 


Katherine

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