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Having a hard time coping 
Started by Beck66
23 Jun 2014, 12:34 AM
My brother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer on April tenth.  He is now very sick and I expect will pass within the month.  He is living at our mom's and she is providing all his care.  Hospice does visit every day to help her out but she also needs help from us, the siblings, as well.

Although I was never really close to my brother I am finding it very difficult to cope with his certain passing.  I try to visit daily and help with his care but when I leave I am so depressed and upset that I hate to visit.   I can't stop crying and have little motivation for anything in my own life.  I need some coping strategies.  Please help.
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Reply by jorola
23 Jun 2014, 3:44 AM
Hello Beck

I cried all the time, either slept 14 to 16 hrs or did not sleep for days and just sat there a lot when my fiance was diagnosed with cancer in April. I was just so scared and could not cope at all. COming onto formus and talking to others really helped me. I could say whatever i needed to say and not worry biut upsetting a loved one - i could speak of my fears openly and hear back from others and know i was not alone. AND yes I got help from my dr with some medication. I have chronic depression but I have been stable for years. News of my fiances cancer sent that all to hell in a hand basket. WIth some counseling again and some mediations i am getting back on track and managing again. The thing to rmember is that your brother is here now and to treasure each moment. We all need to learn to do that don't you think. hang in there. Remember to taking moment to care for yourself because if you are run down you really won't be able to help much.

Jodie

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Reply by Beck66
23 Jun 2014, 1:10 PM
Thanks Jodie.  I am sleeping way more than usual and like you, I have suffered with depression in the past.  it scares me to think that I am going to head back into those super depressed days when I can't even function.  I try to bury the grief because I don't want others to need to worry about me as they are very worried about buy brother...as they should.  Perhaps I need to contact my dr and see about mess again.  I hate the thoughts of meds as they da make name gain weight.  

Thanks for sharing your story with me.

Beck
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Reply by KathCull_admin
23 Jun 2014, 2:18 PM

Hi Beck
Welcome to our community. One of the things I like most about this community is that no matter where you live, there are others out there, like Jodie, who can walk beside you, online - they really get what you are saying.  You might want to check out her thread so scared but somehow i need to find a way to be strong, where you will meet Marstin, NatR and Xenia and Mary M.


I am glad you found us and that you can talk about your great sadness.  Do you have a regular physician, healthcare provider you could see? Someone who could help figure out what could help you the most as you help your family?


Knowing that your brother doesn't have very much time is really tough and people often have a hard time knowing what to say and do. What Do I Say? is an article that others have found helpful when spending time with people as ill as your brother. 

Take care Beck
Katherine 

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Reply by jorola
24 Jun 2014, 3:53 AM
Hope you are having a good day Beck.
Ya the weight gain is a possibility and is sucks.
I even have my wedding coming up in a month so the last thing i wanna do is gain weight. But for me it was getting so bad my fiance was more worried about me and more focused on me than himself. Gave myself a severe kick in the butt and said that was enough of that! You just gotta take care of yourself, you just gotta. If you are strong then, you can be there for others. You can do this!
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Reply by Beck66
25 Jun 2014, 7:18 AM
The last 38 hours have been the hardest houses of my life.  My brother is at the end and I am doing all I can to be strong and be helpful.  I am not sure how much longer this fight will last.  I want him to fight forever so I won't lose him, but I want him to give in and be at peace.  Pray for my brother Steve.
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Reply by KathCull_admin
25 Jun 2014, 2:09 PM
Dear Beck,
What a tough time for you and your family. I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you all today.

Katherine 
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Reply by jorola
25 Jun 2014, 4:48 PM
Thinking of Steve, you and your family.
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Reply by Beck66
27 Jun 2014, 6:01 PM
My brother passed away June 25th at 7:30 am.  We were all with him when he moved on.  I have moments when I feel like I will be okay and other moments when I just don't feel like I can cope.  my brother wished not to have any callings hours or funeral so we have not.  We had a family gathering last evening that I just did not want to go to.  I went, but it took all I could to keep it together.  Everyone else seemed to be just fine.  They laughed and joked and carried on.  I fought back the sobs that were trapped inside me.  I was told I should seek counseling and I look offense to this.  only ad only been gone for less than 36 hours.  I feel my pain is justified.  I cannot just turn it off, although I wish I could.  

It is now Friday, June 27th and presently I feel nothing but anger.  I am mangy with my spouse for thinking I should be over this.  I am angry with my family for being able to laugh and carry on.  I am just plain angry.  I so wish there were a place where I could go where others would understand,  although it is helpful to have this support virtually, I really need to be physically in someone's presence....someone who understands.  Please pray for peace for me.
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Reply by moderator | modératrice
27 Jun 2014, 6:06 PM
Hi Beck,

I'm so sorry for your loss. Anger is an emotion often associated with loss. I'm glad that you recognize that you need support in person right now. Do you have a hospice in your area? They often have counselling and support groups that you can attend.

Thinking of you.
Colleen 
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