Discussion Forums

Reply by jorola

27 Jun 2014, 11:51 PM

I am very sorry Beck. I wish you peace and I hope you can find the support you need to make it through this.

Report this post

Reply by KathCull_admin

28 Jun 2014, 2:15 AM

My sympathy to you dear Beck.
Katherine

Report this post

Reply by NatR

29 Jun 2014, 5:27 PM

Dear Beck,

i am so sorry for your loss - and late to comment on your posts.
i also have lost a brother and you are entitled to your grieving and crying.
we all handle things in our own way, some of us take longer than others. No one can tell you how to feel.

i encourage you to keep writing to the forum, it's a good way to release and vent your feelings. Each of us are going through something, and we all support each other.

take one day at a time and if you feel the need to speak to a dr or counsellor please do so. I also take meds for depression and although I hate to depend on them, they help.

I think it is incredible that your family and mom were able to keep your brother at home and with hospice support helping, he was with loved ones.
sending sympathies and a big hug,
NatR

Report this post

Reply by missie

29 Jun 2014, 10:38 PM

Sorry for your loss,Becky...I know what you mean by anger, and yes it is a normal reaction. Its the feeling of frustration at not being able to control and/or stop something
so you scream at it. When someone suggested counselling, yes, that was too soon
to say that to you, remember people don't know how to react to this, and can come out
with things that really shouldnt be said. I had at least 2 big-time unbelievable and
insensitive comments that should never ever had been said, but you have no fight
in you left to say anything back. I am thinking the person that said you should get
counselling was not saying she/he thinks you are a basketcase,,just trying to be
helpful in a wrong way...
in the meantime, do what you feel you want to do. Myself, I either collapse on the
couch with my dog and stare at the tv, then at times I force myself to do something,
like scrub the floors by hand, just to keep occupied. I admit Im happy with my floor,
so its little things like that. Dont hold back the tears,myself I do it in private, but
really let it go.

Report this post

Reply by Beck66

30 Jun 2014, 1:07 AM

Thank you to all for your support. i have also found much support at church today. Sometimes are harder than others but at least I am not falling apart all the time anymore, I was actually able to talk about my brother at length today and was okay. I think what hurts most is the obvious. I think about events for which he will not be present. I think about how I won't be able to lifetime the phone and just call him again. I am afraid I will forget what his voice sounds like. I will forget his wonderful laugh. Oh how I wish I had broken out the video recorder more often...and for the small events...not ceremonies.

Report this post

Reply by marstin

30 Jun 2014, 5:26 PM

Hi Beck,

I think that loss affects each of us differently and that as Missie said, people sometime's say things that cause us to want to lash out at them in anger. I remember my brother thinking he was supporting me on the loss of my partner by telling me that he was glad to see at Len's memorial that not everyone thought so highly of him. I just looked at him in stunned disbelief and later my anger boiled over when I was away from him. I don't know what he thought he had heard at the memorial but I do know that he was talking to the wrong person about it. People can say some of the most insensitive things without meaning to.

It's good that you are able to find support through your church. Any kind of support that you can find truly helps you on this journey. You will never forget how special your bond was with your brother and in time that will bring you comfort. For now it's okay to feel whatever emotions are going through your mind whether it is sadness, confusion or anger. It's how we deal with grief and loss. For some people they will laugh just to keep the pain away for a few moments and to not break down in front of others. It's a personal journey for each of us.

I hope that today brings you some sense of comfort.

Hugs,
Tracie

Report this post

Reply by KathCull_admin

21 Aug 2014, 8:46 PM

Hello Beck
I was wondering how the summer has been for you. It's only a few short months since your brother died. Did you decide to check in with your family doctor?

You might be interested in this article on Grief. I am linking to the second page. Working through grief

Did you decide to check in with your family doctor?
Katherine

Report this post

Reply by Beck66

31 Aug 2014, 11:47 PM

Hi Katherine,

The summer was a challnge for me. I did speak to my doctor, but decided not to take any medication. I have been okay and have learned some coping strategies. Losing my brother seems to have casued me to lose a great deal of self confidence which makes no sense to me but I am working to overcome that. I took the summer off from my job due to this and will return to work tomorrow. I am very nervous but I am certain all will be fine.

I visit my brothers site almost daily and I speak to him several times a day. I still feel this huge hole in my heart and look forward to someday not feeling that ache quite so strong. Each event where I would normally expect to see my brother makes me miss him. I know that is normal and I expect until I make it through a year's days I will feel this again and again.

I am grateful I was able to find this forum as it has helped me to know that I have an outlet available to me.

Thanks for all you do to help all of us who need that support.

Becky

Report this post

Reply by KathCull_admin

01 Sep 2014, 12:43 AM

Hi Becky
So good to hear from you. I am glad you have found help on the forum .

Others too have talked about the hole that's left with the loss of someone loved. I think it's so wise to see that how you feel is normal and grief takes time.

I wanted to tell you that I will be thinking of you tomorrow. I look forward to hearing how the first week goes.
Take care Becky and again thanks so much for touching base.
Katherine

Report this post

Enter your email address (the one you used when you joined Canadian Virtual Hospice). We will email you a new password right away.

Email Address:

Become a Member

As a member of the Canadian Virtual Hospice, you can ask a question confidentially on Ask a Professional and contribute to the Discussion Forums. Join for free now to connect and share with others.

Discussion Forum members receive a monthly newsletter. You also have the option to sign up for the Canadian Virtual Hospice monthly newsletter.

Please fill in the information below.

Nickname:*

You will be known to other users only by your nickname. You do not need to reveal your identity by using your full name, real name or email address. Choose a nickname that is easy for you to remember.

Email Address:*

Your email will not be visible on the Virtual Hospice website. We will NOT sell, distribute or misuse your email address.

Password:*

Confirm Password:*

Country: