Hi there
i am so sorry for what you all have gone and are going through. It is difficult to know what to say to help others and what to even say to myself in order to keep going. I am really feeling depressed and the thought that I can't call and talk to my mom is so unbelievable. I am keeping anything related to her. My dad traded in her car because it was older and I had the worst reaction to it. It's ridiculous but she loved the car and me driving it wa like her hugging me. I had not gotten upset about mom in front of dad before but just broke down on our way home. I found her note in the glove comparment with my address on it and it felt like she was there. I question if there is a god because why would god who is supposed to be loving ever let this happen? I pray that he takes me soon so I can be with her if there is a god. I know this all seems selfish and immature coming from a grown adult but it's just the way I feel. I have to be there for my dad. I wasn't blessed with kids or a loving partner so I will take care of him and continue on with my job of taking care of people the best way I can...and hope these dark times pass. I cannot talk to close friends because people are already stressed in their lives and I don't need to add more. Time goes on. I do think I will think about seeing if dad wants to go away for Christmas because the thought of celebrating it is just not fathomable. Again, I am so sorry for all you have gone through and hope you feel better soon.
sleep well
Hooe