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Reply by NatR
19 Dec 2015, 3:42 PM

Dear Princess Peace and Katherine,

I hear you both....I am not in your shoes...but despite that...holidays are hard for so many.  I also think its a good idea that Katherine and her daughter have, about being away for the holidays.
It is a difficult thing to create new pathways when the old ones were so important and are in the heart.  I know the loss of your dear ones will always be in your heart, but holidays like Christmas universally celebrated - just seem to intensify the feelings of being alone, missing the one you loved.

I struggle every year at this time...I think of my mom, whom I used to send presents too, flowers and visit when I could...and so many other things that have changed in my life....It is hard to forget those distances and losses at a time when the whole world seems to be grateful, thankful, having parties, special events, and visits from family at great distance.

Nothing takes the hole away...the one in your heart that you feel so strongly.
No medicine or treatment can fix this hole - its a very slow process to just be able to deal with it, never mind ever really stop the caring and loving.

I hope this doesnt come across as too negative - but I just wanted to say that I also feel your pain, your sadness, your need for comfort and cheering up - and from my little living room today, with my coffee cup, the cold snowy scene outside, the passing children and adults with parcels, the traffic zipping past - I am sending you my thoughts...and wanting you to know you are not alone.

You aren't wrong to feel feelings.  You are loving partners, family members, friends.
We are all here for the same reason....we need to get it out, we need to share it and be heard...and I hear you.  I hope you hear me back.  I hope you know that your notes help - all of them...even the sad ones, the hard ones to write.  It makes me feel part of the human race - a group of people who are being honest and yet getting through the toughest times together.

This year, I cannot even bake.  I did make a small batch or two of shortbread, but ordinarily I make loads of it, and I share it out by the baggies, by the gift bag, etc....and share the warmth of some home baking and a hug.

This year...I just feel like it is too much.  I feel like its time for me to just take care of me...and not worry so much about everyone for a change.
Maybe we all need to just give ourselves permission to love ourselves...to be a bit needy and not feel guilty about it.

so what do you say?
Lets just take on one hour at a time - and get through each one.

I wish each one of you...from the west to the east, the north to the south...I wish you peace, and I want you to wrap your arms around yourself...and give yourself a pat on the back...you deserve it...and so much more.

If I got a small smile from this...then I will feel happy.  If it helped you...just write back and say so...or tell us about your day today.
I must go out and buy a few small things for the children in my life.   They need us to keep on being the same....and so I do it for them.

My favorite way to fight the blues is to knit or crochet...and at least share warmth and comfort with others.  I was trying to figure out how to send an image..but today that seems beyond my skills...lol

Surprised  If I figure it out...I will let you know:)
Hugs to each of you...thanks for your endless kindness, strength and honesty in sharing with each other.  Today is ours.  Go and embrace today and dont feel guilty about enjoying it.
Our loved ones would want us to...
much love,
NatR


 
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Reply by NatR
19 Dec 2015, 4:03 PM

here is my second attempt to write a note.  Hello Princess Peace, and Katherine and many readers.

It is sunny in my northern Ontario community, with piles of white snow, wind blowing the green branches of evergreens...light displays here and there with the inevitable blow up lawn ornaments waving in the breeze.

Olaf is most popular...one of my granddaughters very favorite characters.  There are so many other puffy Snowmen and women, Santas, and strings of lights.
The new lighting effect this year in the stores are white icicle lights that have a downward streaming light effect that looks like the icicle lights are melting...and dropping water drops into the snow....

But inside so many houses bright with lights, warm living rooms, candles and trees - there are so many who feel the pain of loss and distance from those they have lost recently, or also as real...the loss of living members of their families who are distant because of other reasons.

Personally I know that feeling.  I know the sadness of distance loved ones - and for whatever reason it happened, I dont quite understand - and I feel that loss just as strongly as if that person had passed away.

We all support each other here - and feel the encouragement and kind notes.  I do...for sure.
Just want you all to know I am still here,   We are all taking it one day at a time.

From my snowy corner of Canada to your corner...whereever it may be....just take care of yourself...and write when you feel the need.
Sending thoughts...
Nat R. 
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Reply by Carlyn
20 Dec 2015, 5:49 PM

Heartwarming posts Natrice. I didn't realize how you were feeling this year; been keeping to myself and I guess hiding within my own feelings, which oddly enough are very much like yours. Thanks so much for sharing how you're doing.  It helps a lot to know I'm not alone in certain circumstances.

I am so sorry for everyone's losses, deaths of loved ones, and my heart goes out to all because it's a tough time of year for being in grief.

Katherine, your idea of going with the flow and seeing what you and your daughter feel like each day is inspiring to read. I did the same and it helped a lot. One day at a time during the holidays.

Where I live, there should be snow but there isn't this year. There was a little bit the other day but it has blown away or melted. I grew up in northern Ontario and a white Christmas makes every emotion easier to bear and process for me. I don't know why snow is comforting exactly but it is. So I hope it snows. 

Thinking of all of you and sending peace and comfort.

Carlyn 
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Reply by Carlyn
20 Dec 2015, 6:02 PM

Princess Peace,

I'm very sorry, I intended to answer your question and ... well, in the same boat as all of us here I guess, things are muddled and I'm distracted.

I wanted to answer your question if what you feel like this year is normal - yes it is. The first year following death of a loved one, all the major dates - holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, annual events etc. - are typically very difficult for many. Of course there are exceptions but it's not unusual is what I mean to say for all of those dates in the first year of loss to be especially hard.

Be gentle with yourself, allow yourself to honour your feelings as best you can and try to just go with what feels comforting and peaceful if that helps. If you need a party though, do that also. It can change from day to day is what I found.

My thing was ensuring I could go with the flow - that meant no commitments unless it was understood and acceptable that I could leave early if needed, that I not lean on anyone so that (again) I could leave to cry or whatever if needed without inconveniencing anyone, no *shoulds* - Not telling myself "I should..." anything. Not even "I could...". I just floated and it worked best.  This was just my way. I'm extremely independent sort of person. Also lost a sibling in 2000 when she was 47. These days, I keep my life and commitments as light as possible. 

Sending peace and comfort to you.

Carlyn 
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Reply by Princess peace
25 Dec 2015, 5:07 AM

Thank you everyone for all of your words of kindness and support.  It means a lot....

 
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Reply by NatR
25 Dec 2015, 2:06 PM

Good morning princess peace 

sending you a virtual hug and wave from my corner to yours
best wishes
thanks for writing your thoughts
sending wishes of peace and love this holiday season
natR 
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Reply by Princess peace
04 Jan 2016, 1:25 AM

Thank you for the virtual hug...and sending one back.  
Well I must be honest...I am glad that the Christmas season is OVER.  Yesiree, I admit it was harder than I thought.  All sorts of emotions came out at all sorts of different times.  I could not explain any of it so I will just let it be.  It was like I had a different personality at times...just being honest and admitting this to the fullest.  Didn't feel like doing much and didn't feel festive and YES I had cranky moments.  This is not my usual personality.   
 I appreciate my family but things were just different.....
Wow that felt good to get off my chest....
Thanks for listening.  I feel better already.
 
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Reply by Carlyn
07 Jan 2016, 3:41 PM

This is going to be odd but i'm happy for you Princess Peace. Letting yourself float in grief without blaming yourself is no easy feat.

Mostly i'm glad the 2015 holiday season is over for everyone's sake. One foot in front of the other...

Carlyn 
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Reply by KathCull_admin
15 Jan 2016, 5:54 PM

Hello everyone,
I was re-reading this thread and wondering what resources there are specifically for people who are grieving the death of a sister or brother.  I like words and poetry and found a poem by Belinda Stotler that I have copied and pasted a few of the lines and offer them to you here. 

“I find it so very hard to believe, That you have gone and I must grieve;……..

Where is the laughter and talk of childhood reflection?…….Where are the bonds that were there from the start?

Looking back on my life's assorted scenes,…..You were my trusted confidante and best friend,

I look at your smiling face in all my photos;
Memories flood my mind as I touch the mementos

Now I look down at your name on a cold hard stone
That says little of the loving light you have shone;
It tells nothing of the wonderful person you were,
And only serves to remind me of the painful loss I endure;
But I know your kind soul wants no tears or pain,
Instead you'd want warm memories and love to remain.”

Thinking of those of you who grieve the loss of a brother or sister, Harmony, Mark’s sister, MsKBK, Princess peace, BettyH, Carlyn.

Katherine



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Reply by Carlyn
16 Jan 2016, 3:04 PM

Katherine, thank you for this. I find comfort in the poems and excerpts you share.

I hope everyone is finding January a healing time. Thinking of you too Katherine. 

Carlyn 
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