Hello everyone,
I am so sorry for everyones loss, i can relate to each and everyone of you. Dec 18th will be 2 yrs since i lost my husband, soul mate, lover and best friend. Like a lot of you my husband and i did everything together other than work. May i suggest reading about grief, a support group. Alan Wolfelt is an awesome grief speaker, his books are amazing as well. It is true time does soften our emotions, i am meeting new people now, learning to live a new life. There will always be a hole in my heart for my husband, but i have allowed my heart to grow to allow new beginnings in. I made a private page on my face book account where i can write things to my husband, share my joys, my sadness, how much i miss and love him etc. I invited only close family to my private page, where we can monitor and care for one another during grief bursts. It is a very long lonely road and yes holidays are horrid, we did not celebrate Christmas, we did celebrate Ron's birthday, and we released balloons with hand written notes to him at the waters edge. Cancer is a horrible disease, i have watched 7 family members pass from this including my husband, all in less then a year. I laid in bed a few nights ago after talking to an very old friend i had lost contact with ( my brother from other parents) he asked me to think about where i want to be in 5 yrs from now, that blew me away at first because i have been living day to day as it comes. I am 52 yrs old where do i want to be in 5 yrs? I know i sure do not like being alone, even with my son and his girlfriend living with me * i am alone* Other things are springing up for me like nieces and nephews weddings, buck and doe's, life is still happening all around me. It is hard to go to a celebration alone, but i have an internal need to be a part of the living, because honestly just living in a fog and day to day is very lonely. Tomorrow (Tuesday July 26th 2016) i am heading to Windsor to see that brother of mine from other parents, i am so looking forward to seeing him and getting that hug he promised me. He is 5 yrs into his loss of the woman he thought he would spend the rest of his life with, we have a kinship so to say, or yes a membership into the exclusive club (widowhood) neither of us wanted to be a part of. No one can tell you when to stop grieving, everyone does so at their own pace and time, just never give up hope, have some faith in yourself, push yourself only when you are truly ready to take them steps forward. I read here that someone breaks down in public, that is ok, it's understandable, i did this as well, i cried to the cahiers at the grocery stores, i let it come, it is form of release, by doing so it helped me to talk about my husband. ( i do not cry as much now when i mention his name, or remember a memory) I was blessed to have had such a wonderful man in my life, i was blessed to have shared in his legacy (our children) I was honored that he chose me to spend the rest of his life with. I wish i could give you all a hug and let you know it will all be ok. Love, Light and Virtual Hugs to each and everyone of you..
Look after you please!
Dar