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Should I make myself cry?  
Started by Pmo
14 Apr 2019, 4:46 PM

Our family lost my mom in December. She didn't want a traditional funeral. Almost four months later, our family had a Rock and Roll themed party which was what she had wanted. She said she didn't want a bunch of tears, she wanted laughter and fun. We hosted this party, everyone dressed up and it was fun. It was overwhelming because we had almost 200 people there and they all wanted to talk to my sister, my dad or I...a few tears came that night but mostly the tone was light and fun... Like she wanted.
Yesterday we held a small memorial service in Saskatchewan for my grandma who can't travel and our Sask relatives and moms childhood friends. This was a bit more traditional but again....overwhelming. I have found that I have allowed myself tears to come when they come... But usually it is a feeling that gets stuck in my throat...I let it come, but it passes quickly. One or two sobs and it's gone. 
One of my friends, who had lost her mom years ago said every now and then she will take a day by herself and watch a sad movie or two and just ugly cry all day.... I haven't done that and am not sure that I could.. Not sure that I should. 
What if I can't stop?
Has anyone else ever done this?
Is it helpful? 
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Reply by NatR
15 Apr 2019, 8:11 PM

Hello pmo,
thank you for your note to the message board
first of all, i send you sympathies and condolences on your loss.  To lose your mom is a painful and difficult thing, for everyone.

to honour her with a party full of music as she wished was a remarkable way to mark her passing.  I am sure it was hard no matter how you honour her, it is still your loss - and that Won’t end with a particular event. 

in my personal opinion, I don’t think you need to make yourself cry, I think your heart  ❤️ will tell you when.  Crying is something you will do - probably when you least expect it.  Something that you smell, hear, recall, will touch off emotions.  

Give yourself permission to grieve and let out the pain. It’s hard, it hurts, and it helps you heal.  
I hope you write again to let us know how you are doing.  There are many who will read and gain strength from reading your experience.  We all learn to lean on each other - and I hope that your story shared here will give you another way to let out the pain.

i wish you the best, I wish you comfort, and I send you a virtual hug.
please write again and let us know how you are doing
sending you best wishes
natR 💐 
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