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Reply by Jimmie
03 Apr 2012, 9:19 PM

Hello Cath, Tian, Carolyn:

Cath, I really appreciated your reflections in your last post.  In particular, I found myself nodding in agreement when I read "Every act of giving must make the effort to consider first the actual needs of the person before deciding that another knows best what someone else needs. Sometimes the best thing we can give is space".  Excellent advice and hard one wisdom given the difficulties you experienced while caring for your mom.

Tian, to answer your questions:  My wife was diagnosed in the years between my two cancers.  She was obviously ill at the time of my first cancer, but refused to consult a specialist stating that one critical illness was enough for our family to deal with.  When it looked as if I had recovered from the first cancer, we went to a specialist.  The diagnosis was a shock and the fact that our kids were involved was devastating.  Then I relapsed, each of our kids over a period of two years decided to be tested, and as a family we entered several years of mourning with each new diagnosis. 

You know,  though I have my days of despair, and anger, it's important for you all to know that most of the time - at least for now - we are relatively happy in our own semi-reclusive way.  I am not one or the other, I am both think of the two drama traditional masks).  AS Cath insinuates, I believe the trick in caring is to allow people to be complex and not insist, however subtly or benignly, that they conform to a simplistic model you might consciously or unconsciously hold of them.

Take care and thanks for your companionship!

Jim
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03 Apr 2012, 9:54 PM

Here's the link to Jim's story on video. A Story About Care
We are very grateful to Jim and his family for sharing this with us.
Colleen
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Reply by Tian
03 Apr 2012, 10:27 PM

Jim - I actually am a scientist but I am prouder of my palliative care volunteering. Sometimes I am with a patient just to provide a presence. That's kind of tough over the internet. I want let you know that it will be a priviiege to read anything you write. And even when there is nothing for me to read..I stand with you Jim, I stand with you.

Colleen - I cannot describe how fortunate I feel to have come across Jim and Carolyn Marie in this chat.
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Reply by Cath1
04 Apr 2012, 12:22 AM

Hi Jim:

Thank you for sharing your story with us. 

I was moved deeply the first time I heard your story, but tonight I know why I felt too overwhelmed to respond to your post as I wanted to before, as in your writing as well, you have the ability to silence the noise of the world while inviting my heart to listen and to simply reflect. Silence is sometimes golden.

So much of you and your family's story resonates with me and touches me in every sense of the word - there must be more than two! :-) It is as if you have found the secret passageway from the virtual world to so easily reach safely my heart. It is open.

You express yourself so similarly to my high school Theatre Arts and English teacher when writing, it's uncanny. Yours is a familiar-to-me and captivating type of expression. Your brilliance is evident to me and it makes me feel happy to notice the resemblance between you and my teacher who remains one of my most favourite people. He changed direction later in life and is now a minister. A perfect profession for someone gifted in the art of oratory and healing both.

I am rambling, perhaps because I have so much inside of me I want to say to you and yet again words fail to say what my heart feels. Be patient, the words never escape me for long!:)

Your story is truly about care and the grace of those equipped to give and to receive it. The way you share your soul, your fears and your gratitude, your tenderness and desire for acceptance, your spark and your spirit, your attachment to life and to your loved ones shows real vulnerability as you are so achingly and humanly honest, which is rare.

I know it could not have been easy to describe for others in a snippet of your lives the magnitude of yours and your family’s situation, but your contribution to the conversation about the importance of caring and all that really means to a person is a mighty and worthy achievement!

How many people, hopefully many in care-giving roles, whether professionally or in some personal capacity, will see your video, take your incredible message to heart and will follow you to that special place of enlightenment which you so humbly occupy? Countless, I’m sure. Reforming attitudes begins within one good heart but once the cycle of change is in motion it creates a lovely life of its own. Thank you, Jim, for your seeds of experience that are growing a new garden of gentleness through understanding. What a lovely garden you and your family have planted – and I mean that in every sense of the word!:-)

I know I am walking in your shadow, learning about the beauty of life and the pain of loss as I pluck from your wisdom new blooms to repot in a garden of my own. I, like Tian, and everyone here in our community stand with you, and your wife and your children. You are all exceptional!

While I know you would give anything to be restored to an ordinary status we all kid ourselves with regularity is the natural state of our lives, your destiny is taking you, like it takes us all, on a journey of which no one completely comprehends. Here’s to the mystery of life and love – here’s to our being human and having the courage to live with our truths.

Thanks as well for your comments to me in your last post, Jim!:-)

Cath

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Reply by Jimmie
06 Apr 2012, 9:19 PM

Carolyn:

It is a bright, clear but decidedly cool Good Friday.  The streets are quiet.  Our neigbou is raking last fall's leaves from his lawn.  I have been wondering how you are and hoping this holiday weekend has been kind to you.

Jim
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Reply by CarolynMarie
06 Apr 2012, 10:05 PM

Hi All of You Lovely People,
Just a few quick thoughts... I sit at my kitchen table, sunshine pouring in and warming the entire room, my head nods trying to resist the sleep that my body seems so desperately to need.  Yes, Good Friday.  My 16 year old son drove to Brantford and around and back, in preparation for his upcoming driving test.  

It never ceases to amaze my how much sleep I need!  Wow!

I have so many thoughts I want to express to you, Jimmie, Cath and Tian, but my brain is barely functioning right now, I am so incredibly tired.  I'm sorry...  Hopefully later I will be alert enough to write something productive and meaningful.  

It was 3 years ago today that I found out I had breast cancer. (age 45)

In the meantime, I want to wish you, and all the lovely people on here, a  peaceful, and fulfilling Easter weekend and a vry happy Spring.  
Hugs & Love,

CarolynMarie xoxoxoxoo
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Reply by Cath1
07 Apr 2012, 12:37 AM

Bless you, Carolyn Marie!

Never ever must you apologize for not having the energy to respond or to write to us here.  

It's great that y
our son completed his road trip and I am wishing him the best as he prepares for his driving test. I’m sure you are so proud of him!

I will dedicate this day to you and your indomitable spirit, Carolyn Marie. Sleep well and let your dreams be a reflection of the love you so naturally manifest in the waking world.

We will connect again when you feel more rested. Thank you for your thoughtful Easter and Spring well-wishes.

Happy Easter to you and Jimmie and to both of your families!

You are all and ever in my heart, my thoughts and prayers. xo xo

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Reply by Tian
07 Apr 2012, 2:02 AM

I'm sorry that my eloquence deficit brings the eloquence average here way down. Oh...I take that back. No one here needs to apologize for anything. Peace to all.
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Reply by Cath1
07 Apr 2012, 11:46 PM

Eloquence, humour and humility make quite a nice list of qualities. Tian, you own them all! ;-)

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Reply by Cath1
13 Apr 2012, 1:04 AM

Every act of giving must make the effort to consider first the actual needs of the person before deciding that another knows best what someone else needs. Sometimes the best thing we can give is space".  Excellent advice and hard one wisdom given the difficulties you experienced while caring for your mom.

Tian, to answer your questions:  My wife was diagnosed in the years between my two cancers.  She was obviously ill at the time of my first cancer, but refused to consult a specialist stating that one critical illness was enough for our family to deal with.  When it looked as if I had recovered from the first cancer, we went to a specialist.  The diagnosis was a shock and the fact that our kids were involved was devastating.  Then I relapsed, each of our kids over a period of two years decided to be tested, and as a family we entered several years of mourning with each new diagnosis. 

If you wish to get a better "picture" of our story, you might want to check out "A Story About Care".  It's a short documentary that was made about of story at the request ond with the support of the Canadian Virtual Hospice and the Canadian Association of Schools of Nursing.  You can find the film posted on the Virtual Hospice site, or on You Tube.  I have checked with Coleen, to see if it would be apropriate to suggest the film to the three of you and she has given me her blessing to do so.

You know,  though I have my days of despair, and anger, it's important for you all to know that most of the time - at least for now - we are relatively happy in our own semi-reclusive way.  I am not one or the other, I am both think of the two drama traditional masks).  AS Cath insinuates, I believe the trick in caring is to allow people to be complex and not insist, however subtly or benignly, that they conform to a simplistic model you might consciously or unconsciously hold of them.

Take care and thanks for your companionship!

Jim


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