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Reply by Cath1

08 Nov 2012, 5:33 AM

Dear SharonMarie:

It's wonderful to have you here with us on this thread for CarolynMarie! I'm glad you didn't give up when having trouble logging back on.

I can feel your hurt as you are grieving CarolynMarie's illness and all that it has robbed from her. You've known and loved her for a very long time and I imagine your friendship and loyal support means so much to her! We treasure the unbreakable bonds we are so fortunate to have with our close friends. Whenever you feel like you need a place to share your feelings we are here for you!

Wishing you hope and peace on this one night, SharonMarie!:)

With affection -hugs- -xo-
Cath1

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Reply by SharonMarie

10 Nov 2012, 1:14 PM

Thank you Cath1,
She is a very special person and I miss her already, so very much. The Hospice is a lovely place. Filled with warmth and love and I think she is very comfortable there. Her children and friend have made it very homey. I pray for her everyday, I pray that it will happend soon and peacefully, with all her family there to hold her hand.

It is hard sometimes to go there. I wonder how I would feel in that position, would I want all those people there looking at me? How much does she understand? Does it make her uncomfortable to see me cry? She should be the one crying, I never want to make her feel anything but comfort, love and peace. Her family always makes me feel very welcome when I go, but I don't want to interfere with their time either. I guess there are no rules for this.

I have shared your beautiful poem with her husband and friends. I know that it means so very much to them.
Thanks again,
SharonMarie

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Reply by Jimmie

11 Nov 2012, 4:57 PM

SharonMarie:

AS you say, there are no rules. We stumble numbly through such times of staggering grief one heavy step at a time each one comforting the other as best they can and being comforted in return. At such times, at least for me, words themselves can become burdensome for both the dying and those keeping loving vigil. Conversations strangled by grief, uncerainty, or exhaustion ebb eventually into silences. At such times, gentle, loving touch, a hand placed upon hand, a loving embrace, a soft touch on the cheek convey,our love, dissipate the loneliness more readily, more eloquently, than the tenderest of words.

I hope you have a chance to comfort Carolyn in such a way, and I hope as well, that there are others who will comfort you in similar fashion as you care for your friend.

There are no rules - just the stumblings of our broken hearts to hold, to love, and eventualy, achingly - to yield. She is in good hands, Sharon - yours and all the others. It will always be so.

JM

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Reply by SharonMarie

11 Nov 2012, 9:08 PM

Thank you Jim, your words are very wise and comforting. The phrase "there are no rules-just the stumbling of our broken hearts to hold, to love, and evenetually, achingly-to yield" touched my heart. I believe you are right (a light bulb just went off in my head) I don't need to talk to her, just to be with her.
With much appreciation,
SharonMarie

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Reply by Tian

11 Nov 2012, 10:50 PM

You are right about the shortcomings of words Jimmy, nevertheless your words are exceedingly eloquent and tender. And SharonMarie, as physically small as Carolyn's room may be, I hope she can sense that all of us at Virtual Hospice are crowded in with her.

Tian

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Reply by NatR

11 Nov 2012, 11:44 PM

The circle of support, love and friendship surrounding Carolyn - even at a distance, not knowing her or any of her support circle...I can feel the caring, the love, the tenderness and the deep wish that Carolyn's comfort and care come first.

Each note written back and forth shows amazing support...from the group on the Forum, to the group in person surrounding Carolyn and letting her know the circle is even bigger than the caring people in her room

Jimmie, Tian, Cath1, SharonMarie, and all others who are not named here...but supporting Carolyn...you are all sending positive energy to Carolyn's spirit, and lifting her up, letting her know arms enfold her, hands touch her and minds reach out with caring thoughts.

It is a rare and wonderful thing to know that those of us at a distance can offer caring and support to those who are living through it a minute a a time.

And the comments from Jimmie and SharonMarie, about just "being there" - says it all...just holding Carolyn up with all our strengths, hands across the miles, caring hearts who would if they could...be there in person.

I hope that one day I will be as fortunate as Carolyn to have the same love and support around me when I need it.

Thank you all for sharing your innermost feelings
Sincerely,
NatR

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Reply by Cath1

12 Nov 2012, 12:43 AM

When the opportunity to touch and comfort CarolynMarie with our hands is not possible, we reach out to her with all we have: our hearts. Our hearts are translated in our words, music, thoughts and prayers. Sometimes all we have to offer is silence. There are no rules and therefore there are no rules to be broken.

I believe CarolynMarie and her family and friends feel our presence and the intentions of our hearts. Whether we show our care publically or privately, in sound or in stillness, near or afar, what matters most is that we care.

We do care, CarolynMarie. You are not alone, sweetheart. You are virtually surrounded by love.

With affection –hugs- -xo-
Cath1

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Reply by Cath1

13 Nov 2012, 12:08 PM

Dear CarolynMarie, SharonMarie and Carolyn's dear family and friends:

I am watching the sun rising in the sky this morning. It's a new day. I am wishing you all a hopeful day filled with peace, love and courage.

We all embrace you in our hearts. You are not alone.

With endless affection -hugs- xo
Cath1

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Reply by NatR

13 Nov 2012, 4:37 PM

as Cath1 said, we think of you all,

To CarolynMarie, SharonMarie and the circle of support...
I send my thoughts and prayers your way today as you hold each other and treasure each moment.

My best wishes,
NatR

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Reply by MeggM

14 Nov 2012, 1:19 AM

Hello to all of CarolynMarie's "Virtual" Angels.

My name is Megg and I'm another of Carolyn's "in real life" friends. I must first say that I belong to a wonderful number of online groups, but one specifically with 7 other women who I would consider some of my best friends yet I have never met them in person. I tell you this to help you understand that the bond you all have with Carolyn, albeit a short one, is a real one and I fully understand the connection that can evolve through such relationships.

If any of you are on CaringBridge, I am the one who is updating it, also known as the "Director of Communcations", primarily being Carolyn's husband's voice so that he need not repeat things over and over again. If you are not on CaringBridge and would like to be receiving regular updates, I would be happy to share the site with you or even copy and paste my updates there for you all here so that you are current with the state of things.

Your words, your prose, your love. It all means so much to the family. I wanted you to know that. I plan to put together a binder of relayed messages so that the family has it. It might be hard to read some of it now but in time, it will be wonderful for them to have these words to read and remember their mother, wife, sister, cousin, neighbour, friend.

I get the impression that you all understand what kind of woman Carolyn is but not having known her personally, I wonder if you truly understand the magnitude of her presence. Her unending love for others. Her joie de vivre. Her smile. Her open door. Always. Her warm hugs. Her twinkling eyes. Her love of chldren. Her love of learning. Her teaching. The list is never ending. I could go on and on about all the little things that I guess you would imagine about Carolyn but maybe never have known for sure. I want you all to know it.

Being here, on Virtual Hospice, is something I've struggled with and joining you all is a more than a wee bit emotional. But I already feel safe, and loved, by all of you and I thank you for that.

I would like to ask if I can publish your words on CaringBridge? Cath1 and Jimmie, some of what you've wrote would resonated with many of Carolyn's friends and family and if I have your permission to share I'd love to. Also, how would you like to be acknowledged for your writing? With your screen name? A proper name? No name at all?

Thank you, everyone.
Megg

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