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Reply by KathCull_admin
06 Feb 2016, 4:17 PM

Hi Linda
I am hoping this will be large enough for you to see. I have found that by typing my message in a Word document and then cutting and pasting to this 'reply' box I can make the font the size that works for me. 

I am glad that you are feeling 'fine' now too. Your sense of humor has continued along with those afghan squares:)  Do you ever find that if you look at words long enough or at a certain time they look strange? Afghan is doing that to me right now.


Have you taught music linda*? Piano, voice? which were your instruments of choice. And one more question…. Have you been adding to your recipe box of worry cards?

I am looking forward to spring - even though winter has not been too bad so far.
Katherine 

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Reply by linda*
06 Feb 2016, 5:55 PM

hello katherine.
are you sometimes just K?
I'm using my notepad for this.  good idea.

 

afghan - maybe it's the way the 'f' hovers over the lowly 'g', or the way the f,g,h,& n all look to the right while the 'a's look to the left. 

I've taught music; mostly piano because that's mostly what I play.  at present I have one piano student, a delightful young girl who just entered high school.  I enjoy working with her.
and at present I work with a young man who will graduate high school this spring.  he's a singer with a gift.  I enjoy working with him.
I used to say my favourite instrument was the choir but it's been a long time since I had a chance to work with one.
and I love the sound of the flute but I don't play.

I'm going to see if I can move this over to the discussion page.  here goes.
ah!! it worked.
to be continued
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Reply by linda*
10 Feb 2016, 11:49 PM

I feel as if I've started spinning my cocoon.
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Reply by KathCull_admin
13 Feb 2016, 2:53 AM

Hi linda*
Yes sometimes I am just 'k':)
I started singing with a choir last month. It was started for those who had been told 'they cannot sing'.  I have always enjoyed singing and was able to take lessons and sing in choirs. I find singing so therapeutic for the body and soul. Music is like that though isn't it. 

I am interested in you 'spinning a cocoon' - can you tell me more.....

'eyebrows raised'......

Katherine/K 
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Reply by Carlyn
13 Feb 2016, 4:05 AM

Dear *linda and K,

You two are a calm oasis here for me which sounds really odd. I enjoy your conversations but I have nothing to add really.  You've both been in my thoughts and I hoped you were doing okay, well, all things considered. What is OK anyway? I am never sure. 

Anyhow, keeping good thoughts for you both. Selling my house. I'm tired. I hired lots of healthy people to get it ready mostly. Still... i'll be glad when it's over. Told my agent, the condo we're looking for me to buy is "basically I'm looking for a place to die".... honestly sometimes I say the stupidest things to real life people too.

I'm in and out here because of this. Plus, this is a house of grief...where I lost nearly everyone I loved the most so ... selling it and all that has gone with that has been an intense cathartic few weeks. Selling it almost to the day we bought it 12 years ago. It's been a weird time. You both know what weird times are like so that's why I'm sharing it. Also wanted to explain my absence.

There are some freaky synchronicity things being posted on this forum by different people. It helps bring it home how we all go through these phases of life and it's so much easier when we share the time and experience.

Keep having your interesting conversation. I'm so glad you two have these things to share. I feel happy for both of you because of it, if that makes sense.

Will check in again when I can. 

Carlyn

 
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Reply by linda*
13 Feb 2016, 3:23 PM

aha.  I knew someone was in the process of selling their home.  what a big job.  you're smart to hire help.   smart to leave your house of grief.  by the time you check in again, you'll likely be settled and starting over in your new place, deciding where to put things.   good luck.

I expect I will remain in my old ramshackle house until I die.  that's what I'd like.

and then my kids will have to deal with all the old toys, books, keep-sake stuff I've held on to over the years. 
I'm a pretty nice person but I have a mean streak.


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Reply by linda*
13 Feb 2016, 3:51 PM

a few months ago, I started taking regular daily doses of morphine.  at the time, as my body/mind adjusted to the medication,  my thinking was that I was passing thru a veil, some sort of  mystical metaphysical veil that brought me closer to to my last breath. 

I've  expanded on that thinking. 
I'm thinking  seven veils, seven levels of consciousness, seven dimensions. whatever.   seven veils.  I've passed thru one.

so,
I shared the reality of my imminent demise with three people, other than my family, and I was disappointed (hurt?) that two of the three immediately distanced themselves.  I don't blame them at all but I was hurt nonetheless.  I don't want to waste energy feeling hurt  so I decided to start working on a magical mystical cocoon.   I've started by just thinking about it.

wuh. 
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Reply by KathCull_admin
20 Feb 2016, 3:37 AM

Hi linda* I have been thinking about your friends who were not able to stand with you - and to take a page from your book ....sigh...  I thought you might be interested in a thread Failing Friendships  started by lindseymarie. I know it is talking from the perspective of a caregiver but I think it is also relevant for those who have been diagnosed with serious illness. 

I am most interested in that third person... Were you surprised that he/she has 'stayed'? Has she/he talked further with you about that reality in your life? Sounds like a keeper.

Have you talked with your family any further or in any more depth?

Thinking about the veils....I need to think a bit more.....
Katherine
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Reply by Wingman
21 Feb 2016, 1:32 AM

Hi Linda. I am Wingman. I find your posts resonate with me. I myself am not sick- my friend has a terminal diagnosis. She has some family but none of them know. I go to as many appointments and treatments with her as I can. It is road both rough and at times golden. The hard times are just plain that- they are hard and nothing if only bearable at best. Other times have a changed perspective- I am a stronger person, I am a sadder person.
 

I enjoyed your description of the old Reed organs. I am from a small town and also play. I have played at the odd cathedral where the pipes reached to the rafters and the stained glass.shook while the keys and pedals pressed on. I played my grandparents funerals also. To appreciate song and tune is truly a wonderful gift and you must feel reward to be part of instilling it in young people. I treasure the memories of my early teachers. Glad you have a place to escape to. 

I escape to my pony. She brings me peace and safety. 

While I realize my perspective is completely different, I do share some of your experience regarding friends becoming distanced. People react in unpredictable ways when dealing with difficult circumstances. I felt.angry at first, and have at times felt very lonely while I travel beside my friend on this path. You mentioned one friend who is supportive- I hope you are able to share with this friend and can find some weight shared. I have found a woman who I refer to as my earth angel. She has lost a friend to cancer and has become a rock a provides a sense of balance. One good set of ears can make the difference.

I hope you keep writing- there is a remarkable sense of understanding here and the ability to share the weights can inspire.

WM
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Reply by linda*
24 Feb 2016, 3:51 PM

wing man.   your refuge is a pony?

katherine.  I'm thinking that cocoon is the beginning of a conscious withdrawal.  sighx2.
sort of like passing thru a veil.
sigh3.

carlyn.  hope you're getting settled in your new abode.  another new beginning.

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