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Reply by NatR
16 Mar 2016, 1:09 PM

Hi MelissaAnn,

notes like yours are wonderful to read anytime.
it's really good to hear that a message for one person resonates with other readers on the board.

 Keep going, keep writing, it helps to know others read the posts and most of all lessen the feeling of being alone.

sending you good wishes for today!
NatR 💐👍🏻❤️ 
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Reply by NatR
16 Mar 2016, 1:14 PM

Message to Carlyn,

wanted to to say I wish you well Carlyn in your upcoming move
I have had to clear out whole housefuls of stuff, memories, furniture and I know how overwhelming it can be, not to mention memories of days gone by, loved ones no longer with me.

sending you energy to complete the process and wishing you a spring and summer of better times with peaceful days.
i know it's often more than enough just to deal with illness on its own, never mind. Accomplish a move.
hugs NatR 💓 
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Reply by Carlyn
16 Mar 2016, 7:04 PM

Thanks so much Nat, I'm glad i've popped in today. It's good to see you :-) Not been myself well at all of late for additional reasons I wasn't expecting. Sigh. You definitely do know what it's like. I appreciate the hug and ((Hug)) back. Thank you for thinking of me and connecting. 

Linda*, it's good to see you too :-) the only treasure I found, or at least what i valued most about sorting through my parents papers, was that I got to know them better as individuals and about events we experienced as a family.  It's been very healing but also hurt a bit... wished they were here so I could hug them. I don't know how they survived what they experienced and never ever let on the emotions of it.  At the same time it feels like that's how it was supposed to be for all of us I guess. 

Linda*, have you tried reconnecting with your friends again? You are all dealing with a lot individually. Do you think they're doing as you are, aware you have a lot on your own and not wanting to add? It's tough sometimes when we're all in similar places I've found, with friends I mean. Or how do you feel about that? Are you in your own zone and honouring that.... maybe that's best... it's very personal time. 

MelissaAnn, NatR says it well. I'm glad you're checking in here and there. Please know there is no pressure here. I'm glad it helps you to read messages here :-) I'm sending good thoughts to you and your family.

Wingman, I just saw your new thread and posted a reply. I'm thinking of you and hope you feel supported in coming days.


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Reply by Carlyn
16 Mar 2016, 7:12 PM

Oh no, I can't figure out how to edit and this is for Katherine. Defeats purpose of my intent to ask you to edit Katherine so posting separate to you what I wanted to say to you in my post above :-)

Katherine, I just wanted you to know I keep you in my thoughts as well. I wondered how you were finding the arrival of spring happening and how you were in general? While I was sorting my parents papers I thought of you and the position you're in and it's all ... a lot. So just wanted to say to you I hope March is keeping the healing going and send a supportive note to you.

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Reply by linda*
23 Mar 2016, 1:38 PM

so, yesterday the physician did the paperwork for NOTICE OF PLANNED HOME DEATH.


that looks pretty final.

and still I feel good?

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Reply by KathCull_admin
23 Mar 2016, 8:56 PM

One of the things I appreciate about you linda* is your  honesty in words and feelings. You allow me into an intimate place. Thank you. I am trying to imagine how I would receive them - but don't know.... 
Those are stark words - and although I hope and think that there were kind, gentle words that preceded them - they are still stark.

The words may look final but as you say - you still feel pretty good. So I think as with many thing in life they are words but they don't necessarily hold power to make things happen. 

MelissaAnn - sending you warm thoughts and thinking of you as you (like many of us no matter what the age of our children) strive to be loving parents, children and siblings. Courage to you.

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Reply by KathCull_admin
23 Mar 2016, 9:52 PM

Wingman - I realized when I signed off that I had not included the message I had intended for you. It is a lovely day here in the middle of Canada and I have to say I am thinking about you flying along on your pony.  With wind pulling your hair and rosy cheeks.  Not sure if that is accurate or just my imagination, but I hope your pony continues to fuel your peace.

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Reply by linda*
24 Mar 2016, 3:56 PM

K.  thank you for the reminder.  I was indulging in some self pity which is uncalled for. 

my life is good.  sigh.  really.  I have some awareness of what total suffering other people are enduring.   

I am blessed to be pretty much where I want to be in my life,

except for the cancer.   and the awkwardness of dealing with enquiries about my health, yes I have lost weight.

carlyn - good luck with your move.

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Reply by linda*
27 Mar 2016, 8:23 PM

I think
the doctor just wanted to get the paperwork out of the way.
I've declined treatment for advanced cancer and  I want to die at home.
there. that's it.

thing is, I ain't down yet. 
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Reply by Wingman
30 Mar 2016, 12:31 AM

You inspire me.
You remind me of my friend, who fights the good fight. She has long outlived the expectancy the doctors gave her. I have learned, altilought at times difficult lessons, to listen to her instincts. I hear the doctors, I read the studies- but she knows best. She is on her own- no family.
There is procedure and policy and it follows its own timeline, that of the system, but you have strong spirit and I admire you. You are like my friend- she also inspires with her attitude and her instinct.
And so I continue to learn.  
And I thank you for sharing.
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