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Reply by Wingman
30 Mar 2016, 12:42 AM

I love your image of us. It is exactly so.
Hard times demand a degree of sanctuary, and my sweetest pony never fails me. My mother had a heart attack 3 days before Christmas, never saw it coming. My grandmother died 2 weeks ago, never saw it coming. . I have seen my friends decline in health coming for 2 years, amd have struggled with that and yet am am strangely now, more than ever, unprepared. I spent hours with my grandma in the final days- to understand and be present and to feel she was safe, as best as I could. I don't always feel safe...but my pony continues to allow me moments of peace. I hope I can return the favour.
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Reply by linda*
30 Mar 2016, 1:43 PM

thanks for the positive words, wingman.   I needed that.

I know the doctor has rules & protocols and he's doing his job.   I plan (?) to die at home and I know it would be upsetting for my kids if they had to deal with police when the time comes.  so I'm glad the paperwork is done.

I have no illusions about mortality, we are all mortal, but I do get a bit weepy sometimes when I think about leaving my kids.


and I will be leaving a house full of stuff for them to deal with.  

rural Manitoba is bright & sunny this morning.  if I had a pony, I'd go for ride.
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Reply by linda*
31 Mar 2016, 4:54 PM

so it is a bright sunny morning; barely a breeze.  good neighbor Bob's flag is just ahanging long-side the pole.

the heavy snow that fell overnight is dripping away; footprints are slushy.  six inches of snow will soon be gone.

air smells fresh.

lots of birds at the feeders.

geese overhead.

it's all pretty nice.
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Reply by Wingman
31 Mar 2016, 7:19 PM

Sounds like a peaceful day there indeed. Here in southern Ontario the rain hasn't stopped.for a minute. Windy, rainy but mild. Better than the ice rain that fell last week- lower at the farm was out for 24 hours. Troublesome indeed when there are 50 horses to feed and water! 
Enjoy the stillness.
In my thoughts.

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Reply by linda*
03 Apr 2016, 5:26 PM

 hello wingman woman.

I am interested in what's involved in tending to 50 horses in a power outage.
are they stabled?   
mild weather is distinctly more bearable than any of the extremes altho extreme weather makes for better stories.  we've been enjoying an extended spring this year.  I am a total un-gardener, known for my organic horseflowers, but lately I have been enjoying being out in the yard with my three pronged rake-y thing, pretending.  it is peaceful these days.  
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Reply by Wingman
08 Apr 2016, 2:48 AM

They are stabled. We have a 50 stall barn. In a short power outage we outfit ourselves with headlamps for early morning feeds. The waters we can now hook up a generator if we need to, but last year we had no such luxury and the fire department became a good friend:). They were able to fill our mobile water tank in minutes and we could fill all the buckets by hand. 50 buckets...three times a day. It is indeed a choice of lifestyle- it is important enough to get up at 5 every morning with a smile and a readiness. 
I am not familiar with a horsepower, as familiar with horses I may be. What is one like? I have no gardening skills or knowledge whatsoever.
Thinking of you Linda*
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Reply by linda*
10 Apr 2016, 1:57 PM

you must have quite a team to tend to so many animals.  I would think you've a good reason to get up at 5.
I usually have a pretty good crop.

how's your friend?
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Reply by Wingman
11 Apr 2016, 1:12 AM

Third attempt to reply. ServerError..........grrrrrrrrrrrr.

My friend is doing OK. Third line chemo and while x-rays say tumours somewhat smaller the symptoms contiue to worsen. (lung) and side effects limit her days.
Perhaps the decision to contnue is crystal clear to her but to me it is foggy at best. Selfish I know and I do.always support her choices. Will you see your family this week? Do they help you with your choices or do you make them.on your own?

Never heard them called horse flowers before, and here I have a bumper crop. My pony likes to eat them:)

Sun is working hard to warm us this week so perhaps you can get to tending your crop.
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Reply by linda*
12 Apr 2016, 2:19 PM

wingman woman:

about your friend - quality of life is the big thing to my way of thinking.  not being dead is the big thing for some.

medications have side effects and the effects they have on our brains & thought processes seem

to be considered secondary but they're powerful.  I think maybe sometimes the foggy brain

makes decisions the clear brain would not make.  part of the vicious circle.

I make my own decisions; my kids are supportive.  back in 2011 I chose to let cancer run its course.

my kids have known all along and everything's legal for them to take over.   the problem is a distance thing.  my son & his young family live on the other side of the mountains.  I'm in the heart of the prairie.

I'm quite excited now. my son is coming home for a few days later this week.  way back, in the beginning, I had chosen to be a single parent so he & I were alone for the first few years, until we adopted a sister for him.  we are very close and it will be so nice to have him near for a bit.

it's survival of the fittest in my yard.  horseflowers are a hardy lot.
horseflowers & creeping charlie.
I love the smell of crunched up creeping charlie.

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Reply by linda*
23 Apr 2016, 1:52 PM

it was good to have my son close.

I feel better about saying goodbye now.

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