Recently, I found out that my "boyfriend" has cancer. I say it like that because I am not sure if that's what we are anymore. We started dating in May, and everything felt like a fairy tale, like we fell instantly in love. Then about mid-summer, he started getting distant. It was almost over night, and I couldn't figure out what was wrong. As a social worker and counselor, I know this can happen in any new relationship, but this was different. When we were together, he kept saying thing like one day, you walk away for good; wouldn't talk to me about his kidney disease etc. Finally, in October, I had had enough and we broke up for a month. In that month, he was in and out of the hospital, very sick. I didn't find out about that until we started talking again at the end of October. I thought it was his kidney disease. Then finally after another period of avoiding me, I text him and told him he wasn't who he seemed to be in the beginning, that that's what hurt the most. He texted back that that was before he knew he had cancer so of course he is different.
He won't discuss this with me at all. He called a friend of ours because she's had a life threatening illness, has told her that it's bladder cancer and they're still running more test. He doesn't want to think about it or talk about it right now and he knows I am going to want to, which is part of the reason he's avoiding me.
He's an isolator, it's how he deals with things. Normally, I have no problem respecting that. But this is not something you can isolate yourself with. Also, what do I do? Do I hang in there and hope he comes around, or do I walk away and start again? Although we haven't been together very long, I love this man very much. If it weren't for him shutting me out, I wouldn't even think about walking away. I know this is his illness and he has to deal with it, but I love him and not being able to be there for him is hurting me. I don't know how to deal with this at all, I've had a friend and a mother with life threatening illnesses, who have since recovered, but this is different. I feel so alone right now, so unsure. I am a solutions focused, strength-based social worker in my professional practice, and in this situation, I am helpless.