Dear charliebrown63
Now that was a letter you wrote...a lot for you to deal with, and what a wonderful caring person you are despite the heartaches, the hurts and the mixed feelings...to be doing what you are doing. Not many could do it.
Being a caregiver yourself - and taking on the full time care with your dad - is quite a feat...and to leave your own home, your partner, your pets, your comfort..for someone else - someone who put you through so much mental anguish...well, I have great respect for you.
I am sorry that I didn't reply to you immediately - I wish I had...I want you to know that your message is important to me, to others who read it, and that through stories we share we encourage others.
I certainly understand that when you are at work, you certainly care and report changes in your clients, residents, and care for them with a portion of your heart...but yes, you go home and hand them off to others...and trust that all will be well when you return...and you have a home life and some balance.
Like you..I get what it is like to get totally involved with a family setting...as personally I retired and moved to help care for a family member....its not at the end stages like your dad...but it is quite a complex situation for me...for my grandchild, and for the other members of my family.....just to have me move in and help...doesnt mean it was an easy adjustment for us all....I believe I am not the easiest person to live with...(smile)...but I mean well:) - and things have a way of settling into a new normal.
I hear your concern about where you are in all of this...what you will be when you are finished and your dad no longer is there to need you. I hear your loss of focus, purpose, direction, who are you now? Am I right?
I feel that way right now. Different circumstances...but definitely...where do I go from here, what should I be doing? did I do the right thing? Did i make a mistake? did I let go of things I should have stayed with? Am I going to be okay when my presence is no longer required? What is my value? Does it sound like you? These are the things I think about.
If I am going in the right direction and you are identifying with all I have said, let me know. If I am wrong..then lets keep the dialogue going.
I have a feeling...that you are travelling the path that is totally meant for you...and will add to the journey of your life. I am feeling that way about me..I just cant see the fork in the road yet.
In the meantime - I believe that you have connected with this website...and that I have too...in order to have this talk, to allow others to see that it is possible to give yourself up to something and come out the other side a better person.
For me...for you...we have felt driven, passionate about the situation we find ourselves in. It is like trying to avoid destiny...it just cant be done. I am more of a spiritual type of person...not following any religious viewpoint, but I think we all have a soul, something that makes us unique...and for all the faults your dad had, and the things he put you through...he is your family - and you are doing what you see as your
So who is your support? your significant other? I know your sister is removed from you..by distance etc...but do you have other friends, family to talk too? I have a couple that I call when I am crying, or happy, or confused...and they let me pour it out.
This is that forum too...just to pour it out and to know that you are not alone.
I would be happy to keep the conversation going but I want you to know this is not the end of you;) this is part of who you are and you are going to continue to make a difference for others. I dont know how or where...but your opportunity is going to come up. Believe it, expect it, and keep sharing your feelings.
I hear your concern about where you are in all of this...what you will be when you are finished and your dad no longer is there to need you. I hear your loss of focus, purpose, direction, who are you now? Am I right?
I feel that way right now. Different circumstances...but definitely...where do I go from here, what should I be doing? did I do the right thing? Did i make a mistake? did I let go of things I should have stayed with? Am I going to be okay when my presence is no longer required? What is my value? Does it sound like you? These are the things I think about.
If I am going in the right direction and you are identifying with all I have said, let me know. If I am wrong..then lets keep the dialogue going.
I have a feeling...that you are travelling the path that is totally meant for you...and will add to the journey of your life. I am feeling that way about me..I just cant see the fork in the road yet.
In the meantime - I believe that you have connected with this website...and that I have too...in order to have this talk, to allow others to see that it is possible to give yourself up to something and come out the other side a better person.
For me...for you...we have felt driven, passionate about the situation we find ourselves in. It is like trying to avoid destiny...it just cant be done. I am more of a spiritual type of person...not following any religious viewpoint, but I think we all have a soul, something that makes us unique...and for all the faults your dad had, and the things he put you through...he is your family - and you are doing what you see as your
So who is your support? your significant other? I know your sister is removed from you..by distance etc...but do you have other friends, family to talk too? I have a couple that I call when I am crying, or happy, or confused...and they let me pour it out.This is that forum too...just to pour it out and to know that you are not alone.I would be happy to keep the conversation going but I want you to know this is not the end of you;) this is part of who you are and you are going to continue to make a difference for others. I dont know how or where...but your opportunity is going to come up. Believe it, expect it, and keep sharing your feelings.
Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful."--Joshua J. Marine
I saw this quote today and thought it kind of fits for us all.
Know that you are doing what is meant to be and it does make a difference. and that tomorrow the sun comes up with new opportunities and fresh starts!
Sending best wishes..
Natrice