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01 Jun 2012, 8:49 PM

Dear Carrie,

I'm so sorry that you lost your post. I tried to retrieve it, but it was no where to be found on the administrative side either. Cath1 offers good advice about writing in Notepad or Word and then copying and pasting your post in the forum thread, especially if you start writing and then have to leave the computer for a time. We extended the timeout period, but your session will time out after a couple of hours. 

Please post again. We are all anxious to hear from you. 
Thinking of you and your family.
Colleen 
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Reply by Cath1
07 Jun 2012, 7:06 PM

Dear Carriek:

You have been on my mind since you last tried unsuccessfully to post your update. I am wondering how things are going and hope you will find a moment to let us all know.

No matter what is happening in your life in the present moment, please know that you never need feel alone and we are here for you rooting for you all the time!

Alway close at heart you are Carrie and ever cared about. Wishing you and yours courage and strength.

-hugs-
Cath1 
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Reply by nanalovesu
08 Jun 2012, 6:04 PM

I still can remember the horror when my dying husband stopped eating and drinking. There was nothing I could do, except swab his mouth and spray a moisture spray. He too had moments when he was very frightened by something. It might have been a combination of medication and the body slowly poisoning itself.  His kidneys has shut down and was in a dominoe effect. There is information you can read on what to expect during the final hours of life.  The most important thing to remember it to reassure your loved one that you and the family will be ok.  That you are there for them and everything will be alright.  As hard as the words were to say, in a way, repeating this made it easier for me as well.  This experience was very difficult, tuged at the heart, and turned my world upside down.  I am a better person because of this life experience.  Sending my strength and prayers to you.
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Reply by Cath1
09 Jun 2012, 1:36 PM

Hi Carriek, Caron and Nanalovesu:

The messages Nanalovesu contributed here go to show us that we are part of a very special virtual community where we can openly share our feelings and fears, our thoughts and experiences, our advice and information, and very importantly our support and empathy for one another.

Perhaps, as Tian once said in another thread, listening is the skill most needed at end of life. Listening has deep value and it makes a difference to the person to whom we are listening. We can listen even when words fail to express feelings. We can listen to the silence and to the tears as they are sometimes the most powerful communication of sorrow. Listening has the potential to comfort the person dying and their loved ones. The fact that someone in the world is listening to us is the most important thing about our virtual connection. I am listening. We are listening.

As difficult as life is especially for those courageously facing its end or those watching loved ones do so, there is hope that we will learn how to cope with death - eventually.

Acceptance is a long and painful process and no person arrives at it precisely the same way and there is no specific time frame for it to happen. I am thinking of everyone here in this thread and on our Virtual Hospice discussion forum this morning and reminding you all how deeply I respect and care about you.

We hear you. We feel your sadness and remain in awe of your resilience and the hope your give to others. You are not alone. 

With affection,
-Hugs- xo 
Cath1 
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Reply by Tian
09 Jun 2012, 4:16 PM

Yet again I agree with Cath1. And Carriek, it's unfortunate that your last post didn't go through but take as much time as you need.
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Reply by Carriek
17 Jun 2012, 4:30 AM

I am going to type and post every so often so I dont lose my post this time........
Today was my husbands 47th Birthday.... he spent it in hospital...
I went early and decorated his room with flowers, birthday banner, balloons and lots of enlarged pictures... friends and family came and had cake and we sang happy birthday to him.
He is so absolutely weak, he can barely lift his head.

To watch the love of my life, cry and look so sad is pure torture. To look into his helpless eyes and know that our life together is coming to an end is so sad.
family and friends surrounding him and sharing our pain.
          

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Reply by Carriek
17 Jun 2012, 4:39 AM

I have a problem that I am dealing with and it has become such a burden, such a weight of stress....
My husband's family have never been close to him... his sister he saw maybe once a year (and we live in a small town) his Mother.. we had to our home every sunday for dinner and made an active part of our lives, his son from a previous relationship (we saw maybe two to three times a year)
When my husband was diagnosed... I was sure to call the son and tell him what was happening. After every cat scan I would phone him with results and always kept him updated... I begged him to come and spend time with his father but he rarely came. The mother and sister came maybe once a week for a 5-10 min visit.
I was the way I have always been, welcoming...
In the past 7 1/2 months I have been with him every single day and night, through tears, pain, sleep and sleepless nights. 
Once he b  
    

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Reply by Carriek
17 Jun 2012, 4:45 AM

My husband has been hospitalized three times recently... the first time I really hadnt noticed any change in his family... the second I was blindsided with "THE SILENCE"
The looks of resentment and hate, are obvious... the whispers, the obvious dirty looks and  scarcasm (if they do speak) are causing such a huge stress.
His Mother will not speak to me or our daughters. at all !!
We have sat in his room for hours without one word between us...
He does not hear anything bad said at all... (nor would I ever let him hear anything that would cause him to get upset about, as he does not need upset)    

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Reply by Carriek
17 Jun 2012, 4:51 AM

but the silence is terrible... if I am sitting in the room with him, they walk in sit down and do not say one word. Its like this secret between them that is about to explode.
His Mother brings His son.... who is 22.... with her every day, she drives past our street to get him, and past our street to drive him home.. but has never offered to pick up the twins and bring them. I said to her once that I wish she had picked them up and she said "I never thought about it" that was the last word said....
The twins have asked me why their Grandmother is no longer speaking to them, as it is very obvious.
When I am there and the 3 of them walk in..... the room feels so uncomfortable.... I feel as though Im not wanted there ... as if I am expected to leave.  

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Reply by Carriek
17 Jun 2012, 4:56 AM

I am afraid that my lat days with my husband are being robbed of any privacy to hold him, love him and sit with him.... as when they are there glaring at me the uncomfortable feelings.. take away from all else.
Im not sure what is going on....
some have said they believe that there will be an all out war when my husband passes....
Im just not sure what to do
if I should confront them or remain as I am.... not wanting them to walk in the door...
When I get up early in the morning, I cant get to the hospital quick enough... but as I walk down the hall...all I can think of... is dreading seeing them in the room when I get there... as they look at me like Im in the wrong room.      

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