Since the death of my mother in September I have discovered that my method of detachment from her verbal abuse is still with me. I find myself zoning out at various times, losing a minute or two here and there. Something I still need to adjust. You see, I've had to go through all this alone. No siblings. No other half. No children. Just me and my dogs.
I've also noticed that I have no particular feeling when I think of my mother. Don't get me wrong. I talk to her regularly. There's just no feeling of anger, sorrow or the like. It's more a blankness I guess. Very strange feeling. Can't explain it much better at this time.
I'm still feeling overwhelmed with trying to straighten the house up. So much stuff between the two of us. At least the clothes are gone. most of them anyway -- 80 plus garbage bags. A couple of friends have offered to help but their idea is to give everything away. My mother has a good sized collection of porcelain and crystal. I've spent a lot of money on several of those pieces. Giving it away isn't going to happen. So i've decided that the pieces I don't want will go to auction. Other 'stuff' will go into a garage sale. And some stuff given away.
Maybe once this is done I'll feel like a human again. Maybe!
That's it for my jabber. Hope it makes sense to someone.