Hi KCBJ:
I was thinking more about your last response, and it occurred to me how insightful and realistic was your reply. Your Mom is 98 years old and seventeen years ago you had made a conscious decision to commit yourself to caring for her despite the challenges it would entail. In the past five years your Mom's health has worsened with her dementia and along with it her moods have become increasingly more difficult to manage, and yet you remain committed to caring for her out of your deep sense of obligation. These days not many people would make such a self-sacrificing decision, but I do think you deserve to be admired for trying desperately to stick to your family values, and you have my admiration. I know I could not cope with such a demanding and disheartening situation for so long.
I hope you will continue to communicate with us here or with others while you're going through this arduous journey with your Mom because whether by choice or not, you have a lot on your plate to contend with alone. It is near impossible for you to maintain a healthy state of mind and a peaceful heart without the perspective of others because so much of your life is ruled by the needs of your Mom. Her moods are not rational and as long as you realize that her behaviour is not your fault you will survive this experience. Please write when the pressure builds because at least that will help to defuse some of your frustrations and sadness,
I understand that at this point, after having devoted so much of yourself to your Mom's care that you are reluctant to give up the course you have taken to try another plan. About a year before my Mom died, after a particularly trying day with her, I wrote about how I would feel to see one relationship in my life through to the end. By the time I finished writing I started to recall the softer side of my Mom, the way she could thrill me with her laughter, the way only her eyes could console me, the way she loved to be needed by me and to hear my voice at the end of the work day. We spoke on the phone every day. She was lonely but would never admit it. She was dependent upon me but too proud to admit this even to herself. My Mom was by nature a quiet and gentle person. She was in her earlier days until her dementia progressed highly independent and self-sufficient. She was not overly demanding of my time, and yet at times I felt she intruded into my own psychological space to fill a void in hers. It was not easy for her or for me to accommodate one another's differing needs but we managed to do so, imperfectly, yes, but we succeeded.
I just want you to know that however you choose to proceed insofar as reaching out for assistance to help you cope, I respect your decision. I am here to listen, and to laugh with you at the funny side of life where dark humour can lighten the painful reality of living in challenging times. Not many people could - or would - cope with your circumstance with so little support and I hope one day in the future you will have many more opportunities to focus on your own needs as you kick up you heels and enjoy life, You sure deserve a break and I hope you take one every rare chance you get!;-)