Hey Barb (KCBJ):
You have come up with a brilliant idea and I hope it works out to give you the break you deserve. Never mind Rolaids, your idea will surely spell for you: R E L I E F!:-) lol
Yours is a new start that says you are recognizing that you too are important and deserve some time to yourself. Your first step to emotional freedom is taking you in a much healthier direction! I hope you will realize that with some creativity and planning you will be able to devise a strategy for co-existing with your Mom that you can both live with. Since your Mom is already adapted to your usual work day routine, I imagine that your "escape plan" will work out without arousing your Mom's suspicion.
Ideally, I think if you could take Brayden's advice and contact a local social worker to discuss either in-home care for your Mom so you could get away for a bit - or - respite in a care facility - short term - the little bit of space put between you and your Mom might restore your perspective and after a week or so apart you may be able to see her in a new light and she may view you with fresh eyes as well. Even if the time away from one another proved not to have the same healing effect on your Mom, you would know that there is nothing you can do to change her illness but you do have the power not to allow her illness to defeat you. You have been so focused on your Mom's needs for so many long years that you have lost sight of your own, but you have come to a turning point in your life, Barb, as you can no longer ignore your need for personal space which is a real need crying out from your soul. Keep trusting your own inner voice and it will guide you to the courage you will need to stand up for yourself and to make it a good habit!
You have made a very positive decision and you are about to take action and by doing so in your own and your Mom's best interests, you are no longer immobilzed by fear or an overly developed sense of obligation. As Natrice supports you with her dynamic, living wisdom throughout her post, I especially love how she says that you as a caregiver need to put on the oxygen mask first! Take a deep breath, Barb and believe in yourself as we all do!
I hope during this vacation that you will rediscover some more of the wondrous world you've been missing and will have a chance to indulge in a few carefree moments of joy! Keep us posted as to how things are working out. You're walking in unknown territory, but remember we are all here with you to listen, to help you and cheer you on as you define this hopeful and exciting new path that will lead you right back to a stronger and happier you - the you who loves your Mom but who also knows you need and deserve your own life! You can do it, Barb!:-)
With affection -hugs -xo
Cath1