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So glad I found you all. 
Started by Pooka
22 Jun 2012, 3:16 PM
I was crying out on another board, and someone recommended this site. I am so glad I found you all. You know exactly where I am! My husband is 43 years old with stage iv breast cancer mets to every bone in his body including his skull. Recently we received news that it had spread to his liver. Everyday, I am overwhelmed. Like so many stories I have read, I am overwhelmed and lost because it seems my husband is dying a slow death. At least 3 times we have been told this is it, but he bounces back. Sure, it is a blessing! but he bounces back just enough... I am his only caretaker. I get no breaks. We don't have hospice, but we do have home health agency to come out once a week.  A little over a year ago, I lost my mother to colon cancer and non small cell lung. Before it was over, the cancer had overtaken her heart and pancreas. The last few weeks were detrimental. My siblings and I were her caretakers and it was draining. The whole time, I was going through with my husband--thinking he would die before my mother because his pain was worse than hers. He would be in one room crying, and my mother was in the next dying. I came to this site because I wanted to read similar stories, and maybe I could see my situation. Just maybe, I could identify with someone.
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Reply by Cath1
22 Jun 2012, 4:01 PM
Dear Pooka:

I'm so sorry to hear that your husband is facing the end of his life and I feel for you deeply in how facing it with him, and how all the ups and downs and uncertainty leaves you feeling overwhelmed. Thank you for taking a chance on us here at Virtual Hospice. I just know you will find many people who will relate to your experience and will support you. You are most welcome to write whatever you are feeling and you can trust that you will be heard and cared for.

When thinking of connections for you, first comes to my mind, Carriek, whose husband is dying and she, like you is his main caregiver. Caron, who started the tread :Husband is dying" where Carrie posts, had cared for her husband in similar circumstances to yours, until his death on June 2nd this year. I hope Carrie and Caron will read your post and be able to respond to you.

I send you my heartfelt condolences on the loss of your Mom. My Mom passed away a year and half ago and you will find many posts that describe how I feel about her loss and my life since then.  There are many others here as well who share some of the same experiences that you are going through.

You've been through so much hurt and pain in the recent past with losing your Mom while at the same time coping with your husband's ongoing illness. My heart is here with you, Pooky. Please keep in touch.

-hugs-
Cath1 
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Reply by moderator | modératrice
22 Jun 2012, 4:04 PM
Hi Pooka,
I'm glad you found us too! I'd like to connect you with CarrieK. Like you, she is young and taking care of her husband who has stage IV lung cancer. You can join her on the thread Husband is dying. I will write to her too.
You're not alone.
Colleen 
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Reply by NatR
22 Jun 2012, 4:22 PM
Hi Pooka, you certainly have had a load on your heart and your energies.  I am glad you found this forum, and both Cath1 and Colleen have already given you tips on who to get in touch with.

I have worked as a caregiver for the elderly and presently care for a family member waiting for long term placement.  I am not in your stage of crisis, but I certainly feel for you and empathize with your situation.

So sorry that you lost your Mom as well, and now face the loss of your husband.  All I want to say right now is keep talking, take one day at a time and I hope you will find valuable support and encouragement with the people within this website and forums.

Sincerely,
NatR 
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Reply by Pooka
22 Jun 2012, 5:15 PM
Thank you so much for your immediate response and show of support. I will continue to read and find Carriek. I think I had started to read hers.  I am praying that this connection will help me to sort my feelings and help me deal with the crisis that I have faced alone majority of the time. I know that people have prayed. I can only imagine what so many others have gone through. Just reading one post about a young lady being her mother's caretaker. Her mother has an illness that surpasses a lot of what I voice my concerns about. Bless her heart!  Nevertheless, everyone storm is their own. Thank you, for allowing me the time to vent.
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Reply by Cath1
22 Jun 2012, 5:20 PM
Thank you Pooka for checking in and responding to our welcome posts!

I know Carriek wanted desperately to hear from others that could relate to her situation and I'm sure you will find in each other a wonderful source of mutual support.

Wishing you a wonderful day and letting you know I admire your courage to reach out!:-)

With affection
-hugs-
Cath1 
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Reply by moderator | modératrice
29 Jun 2012, 8:30 PM
Hi Pooka,
How are you doing? I forgot to mention that you may also want to share with Bizzy on the thread "Trying to sort through". She too is caring for her husband with advanced cancer.

Take care
Colleen  
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Reply by Carriek
02 Jul 2012, 2:28 AM

Hi Pooka
I am Carriek- My husband who just turned 47 is dying of small cell lung cancer. He was diagnosed 8 months ago and his disease is very advanced. He has completed his chemo and radiation and is hanging onto life with every ounce of strength that he has left. He has been confined to bed since May 1st, he too has had the Dr's say this is it..and he bounces back.
Im so sorry that your husbnad and you are going through such a terrible journey...No one should have to experience this . 
I am glad that we will now be able to talk, Ive so desperately wanted to be able to really talk to someone that is going through this.
I too am the only caregiver for my husband. Its lonely, sad, heartbreaking and exhausting.
Not sure what your hours awake are like but mine are long and lonely.. I truly hope that we can get to know each other, and in some way help each other. 
Know that I am here for you.. Lets try and comfort and learn from each other, lean on each other
cause I know we both need it. I hope to hear from you soon
Love Carriek          

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Reply by Carriek
02 Jul 2012, 2:32 AM

Hi again Pooka
My husbands small cell lung cancer is in his:
Lungs, lymph nodes, liver, shoulder blade, neck, spine, left hip, thigh, below knee and brain.
Carriek     

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Reply by Pooka
09 Jul 2012, 2:49 AM
CarrieK, How are you? I apologize that it has taken so long. I am sure you knw about all the things to do. I am so glad that I have someone to talk to. I have been so busy with my husband. My husband has stage 1v breast cancer with mets to all of his bones, including the entire spine, hips, shoulders, sternum, ribs, both femurs, knees, pelvis and recently the liver. He has a tumor pressing against the trachea and some nodes in his lungs with involvement. I don't full understand the nodes in the lungs. Well, I have been trying to figure out what to do, because i don't know what to do. He has gotten worse in the past month. We have home health, not hospice. I feel like it may be time for hospice. He is extremely weak.  Lost a lot of weight, and now he has bowel and bladder incontinence. he can barely stand now. I just finished cleaning him up. He has no control over urinating. We just had an mri, and we will get the results tomorrow. I don't think he needs chemo again. He is too weak and has lost a lot of weight. I am praying that the dr would just let it go, but my husband has some fight in him. I am so scared because I don't really know what to do now. I lost my mother to cancer a little over a year ago, so I know some of the symptoms and I believe I am going through the same with my husband. So unsure, because I have seen him bounce back quickly. This time I don't know if he will. Lost a lot of weight.
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