Good morning Colleen and thank you for the nudge. Greetings to all.
Mom passed away on the 1st of March. She died surrounded by her three children, peacefully and painlessly.
Indeed, it has been awhile since my last post here. Things got pretty intense as we rolled in 2013. By the beginning of February, mom's mobility became much more of a concern and challenge. With her left side so compromised, she became (half) a dead weight. My dad, who had been doing the night shift with her, was no longer able to manage her care. The decision to bring her to hospice became evident to us all, but in the end, it was mom's decision.
It is an emotional struggle to revisit the events of the hospice experience at this moment, but let's just say it was a mixed bag of frustration and gratitude. For the most part, the staff was exemplary and treated mom with compassionate care - however, the administration was a nightmare, full of contradictions and way too much ego. When she was 'actively dying', I realized how difficult the end would have been if we had attempted to let her stay home until the end.
On the day before she died, I arrived at the hospice around 12:30 in the afternoon. My dad had spent the morning there and a priest came to visit mom and give her the last rights. My sister had spoken with her around noon. I arrived to a closed door, and gently slipped in and approached her bed. She looked at me and said "I'm busy"...she was on the bed pan. I smiled and said, ok mom, I will give you a minute, to which she replied "give me five". I stepped out of her room and went and sat in the chapel. I gave her ten minutes. During that time, she finished with the bed pan, the personal support workers had removed it and cleaned her up. When I came back in however, she was in full seizure - so I called the nurse. Mom slipped into a semi comatose state and was no longer able to swallow, or speak. Her breathing changed to a horrid rattle which signaled that she was actively dying.
I called the family and within hours most of us were there. Several of us spent the night at hospice, by her side. The next morning, her condition was the same. We took turns going home to eat and shower and then my brother, my sister and I decided to spend the night again.
I got there and had some time alone with her. I took the moment to express my heart to her, because even though she could no longer talk, she could hear me. I told her what an honour and privilige it had been to spend the past year caring for her, getting to know her more deeply and how grateful I was for her. I thanked her for being such a great mom, amazing woman and how very much I loved her. By this time, her right side was as limp as her left side, and she could no longer squeeze my hand to let me know that she heard me, but in my heart, I know that she did.
For the next couple of hours, it was just me and her and the staff. My brother arrived first, then my sister got there around 9:15 pm. I was in the room with mom, and they were settling in on the cozy chairs in the living room....just around the corner from mom's room. Just after 9:30, my mom's breathing changed. I hit the call button, and shouted to my siblings - they heard the urgency in my voice and came running. She took her last breath about twenty minutes later.
:-(
Phone calls were made and the rest of the family made their way to the hospice to be together. By midnight, she was transported to the funeral home and we quickly packed up her things and vacated the hospice.
We celebrated mom's life on the 9th of March. It was a cherished experience. Between her death and her celebration of life, we teamed up and organized photos for a memorial CD, made calls and visits to family, friends and acquaintances to let them know.
On Sunday, the family came around her place and gathered up some of her things to remember her by. The whole process has been amicable and peaceful....because I am the one with the most freedom of time right now, I'm organizing and packing up,making arrangements to disperse, throw away and donate all her things. My sister is taking care of the legal and financial details.
We hope to be finished by the end of this month and we will consecrate her ashes on the 6th of April.
We began to grieve for mom the moment she was diagnosed as terminal, but the grief seems to be just beginning afterall.
Thank you all who supported this journey with me. My gratitude is infinite. May you all be blessed with God's grace.
Sincerely, TrueHeart xoxo