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Reply by Brayden

20 Mar 2013, 9:31 PM

Dear Trueheart,
I too wish to pass on my true condolences. You have been such an inspiration as to what it means to be a great caregiver. You have expressed yourself so honestly and I am sure that the many people reading your threads will have learned from them. You should always feel proud of the way you were committed to your Mother. That is what true love looks like. I hope that your spirits will be lifted by the smell of Spring and new life on the horizon. Thank-you so much.
Brayden

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Reply by Tian

20 Mar 2013, 9:59 PM

Dear TrueHeart

I add my condolences to you on the passing of your mother. The grief may overwhelm it now but you should have no doubt that when your mother needed you most you came through. As Brayden said you have taught us all. You have privileged us by letting us follow along your journey. We're still here for you. Peace.

Tian

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Reply by Cath1

21 Mar 2013, 12:34 AM

Dearest Trueheart:

First let me send you my love and my sympathies for the very recent loss of your mother. My message comes to you with warm hugs and tears and wishes for hope. I pray too that you will be blessed by the serenity found in the escape of sleep where sweet dreams will comfort, console and calm your sorrowful spirit. Essentially, I am sending you love that cannot be translated into words, but I trust you will be able to feel your way through my message to decipher my heart’s code.

I have not contributed to the forums for quite some time as my life has taken me swiftly along in other directions, but yesterday when I received a notification that Colleen had posted a message to you, I felt compelled to revisit your thread. Revisit I did. I ended up reading and re-reading many of your inspired messages since you began sharing with us all your insightful, detailed and soulful expressions about your Mom’s journey and yours, as she and you and all of your family began to prepare for her passage from this life to another.

While I had expected to hear the news about your Mom when you responded, I still feel deeply saddened for you that your Mom’s journey has come to its final destination. Endings are always profound experiences and none more so than when we must face the death of a beloved parent. Crying I was yesterday when re-reading so many of your posts because you have a gift to reach straight into the heart of the reader, as you do mine, with your integrity, your talent and your compassion. I was thinking about how special and especially cherished your Mom felt always, but especially in these last very difficult and never-ending months as you showered her with enduring and selfless love, candid conversations and endless amounts of personal attention. Her suffering was eased by you, Trueheart and I hope that truth helps alleviate the suffering you are feeling in your time of loss.

You often sacrificed much of your own life and feelings to ensure that the last part of your mother’s life would allow her the best possible experience of life. I know that the connection you had with your Mom and the mutual nurturing of your close relationship helped her come to terms with her diagnoses and dying, and most poignantly you uplifted and encouraged her to feel content with her life and the choices she made right to the end. You are forever your Mom’s angel and she is forever yours. You are gifted, Trueheart, in the helping and healing of broken spirits and many times your words have helped heal the broken spirit in me. Your patience, perceptiveness and your sensitivity add depth to your character that is overflowing with kindness and care. You honoured your Mom every step of the way even when your own heart was breaking, fearful and unsure, and you bravely carried on to ensure that her wishes were respected. That kind of courage not everyone can claim for themselves, but you can not only claim it, you should celebrate it!

In awe of you, Trueheart, I have been from the first time you posted here on VirtualHospice. It’s hard to describe to people who do not communicate with others online the depth of the bonds we develop when sharing with others in this safe haven of support otherwise known as Virtual Hospice, but I shall always feel a connection with you and all those in our community whose lives have been touched by death and grief, those who help others by communicating artfully and honestly their wide range of emotions and experience so that others may feel less lonely in their time of sorrow as they search for answers, acceptance and peace.

I treasure the rapport we have shared, Trueheart, and I want you to know that my heart is with you as you begin to fully process the immensity of your cavernous and conflicting thoughts and the endless and echoing emotions that will undoubtedly accompany your mourning. Each day may be different. From week to week, month to month, year to year you may feel afloat on a changing sea of sensations that fluctuate between shock and sadness, numbness and rage. Never forget that while you ride every wave of sorrow, from the ones that will crash mercilessly into you without warning to those that wash over you gently as the tides ebb and flow, grief will refine and restore your hurting heart with a renewed sense of hope, resilience and the promise of a bright sun rising on each day’s new and brilliant horizon.

Blessings to you, Trueheart. I am far away and right there beside you . . . so is your Mom.

With endless affection xo – hugs – xo
Cath1

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Reply by TrueHeart

09 Jun 2013, 1:51 PM

Good morning dear friends,
It has been just over three months since mom's passing. I still feel very fragile and a little lost. Many times I have tried to respond to this thread and all your supportive and loving comments, but each time, all I could do was cry at the thought of it all.
Mom left us all a little insurance, so with that money I took a trip with my two adult children. It was very helpful to get away, spend time with friends and relatives, the beach and the sun. I visited my friend's grave and spent a lot of time with her daughter. I've been back home now for just over three weeks ~ everytime I drive the route that I travelled everyday to care for mom, I just want to turn around and go in any other direction.
I miss her so much and sometimes forget that she is gone. I'll think to call her for a split second and then of course, I catch myself and then feel very sad. It is times like these when I wish I could call my dear friend and talk to her about my feelings ~ but I can't, because she is gone too.
Sometimes, I just quietly talk to God in my heart and ask why? Why both of them? They were my support system in life and now I am supposed to be brave and just carry on without both of them.??
I am taking it one day at a time, but some days are harder than others. I try to remain positive and optimistic and keep busy and mostly, that is working for me.

Thank you all for being so kind and supportive during my darkest hour. I hope you all know how much it meant to me. Wishing you all comfort and joy upon your own paths.
Bright blessings, TrueHeart xo

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Reply by moderator | modératrice

11 Jun 2013, 2:17 PM

Dear TrueHeart,

So good to hear from you again. I hope YOU know how much you mean to us and how much your sharing has helped many. I also invite you to explore the discussion threads in I am living with loss and grief

You may wish to contribute to some of these conversations and find support among people who have lost a loved one.

We're here as you take it one day at a time.
Colleen

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Reply by NatR

11 Jun 2013, 4:39 PM

Dear Trueheart, as Colleen said - your sharing your grief and your journey is helpful to so many others..its something that you put into words...you and others...that cannot always be explained.

Here, being able to type out feelings, frustrations, disappointments, heartaches...we all get a better understanding of one person's journey...and how we all share some parts...we all feel the loss...the sadness, the lost feelings...where do I go now? how do I start over? when will it stop hurting?

Its not the same answer for all of us, at the same time...but it happens...sometimes very slowly, and sometimes...quicker than we imagined it could...regardless of having that empty spot in our hearts...we keep on functioning.

We are human beings. We are living our separate journeys. We can all learn from one another.

Your gift to readers and contributors is priceless
Your point of view is important and reaches deep into the hearts of others.
I thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts.

Being able to respond to others on the forum may help you heal as well...as you know full well the pain it causes to lose a loved one. BUt without love...we have nothing...without the experience...we learn nothing...we are stronger because we are loved...thats just my feeling.

Its remarkable when someone loves you back...and its hard to lose that person.
I hear you...
Your life is blessed by those you love and who love you in return.
I am glad you managed to take some time away.
Sending you my best wishes,
Sincerely,
NatR

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