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Reply by debbied2007

05 Aug 2013, 3:31 AM

Hi GF...welll, a melt down is good...I know...I know this will cover a lot of what you stated in your post...brother...etc. when my dad passed away, it took me 3 1/2 years to get over the loss. I cannot imagine how long it would take to grieve the loss of A husband. My heart is with you my soul is with you!!!!

Being a survivor is such a different experience...I don't know what to say anymovre. I'm so lonely, so sad, and yet feel like the luckiest person alive, because my husband is alive...I listen, I watch, I talk with friends...yet, I wonder, why am I so lucky...so lucky I have the love of my life here with me...my friends are going through break ups...we re going through cancer...and our love for each other is just amazing...the unfortunate thing TracieBugs, is my daughter, has totally lost it..and I don't know what to do about it...she's like totally lost all her work ethics...blames me for everthing...I wish we could just talk...I'm so lost right now...there is a sense of loss...and there is a loss, some days I just wish to be in my daddy's arms...in his lap!

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Reply by marstin

05 Aug 2013, 7:39 PM

Hi Deb,

Isn't it funny (not) how our kids have a way of hitting us emotionally for all of their screw ups. I guess it's easier than taking responsiblity for choices they make. Were you a perfect parent? Probably not since I don't think there is such a thing. Did you do the best you could with circumstances the way they were? I would guess that you gave it your all even if it isn't how you would handle the situation now. Although parenting and perfect begin with the same letter, that's the only thing that they have in common. We all have baggage in our past that may or may not mould our lives, it is our choice which way we view it.

Well, I think we may have sold my mom's home. I wish we had gotten this realtor long ago instead of the lazy guy, we probably could have sold it far earlier and made more money. Although I'm not a money hungry kind of person, the fact that I'm running out of funds quickly has me so stressed and even if this moves ahead at a good pace I'm not sure if the money will come in quick enough to save our butts. Of course selling it brings a whole new mixture of emotions. It is hard to say goodbye to that place that I spent nearly every day at for many years. I wish I had someone to help me move forward and get our place ready for selling. I just feel like I'm dragging my heels because I am so scared of what the future will bring. I was thinking we could possibly buy a smaller place like a condo or a townhouse but when I look at the money we might end up with and the fact that I haven't worked in nearly 20 years and have no real income, it seems like a crazy plan. I guess what I need is a financial advisor or something. Len was always the one to know the right answers to things like this. It's strange but his scent (not the good one but the one from when he was sick) has been in the air the past few days. I mentioned it to my youngest and she said that she had smelt it too. I'm not sure why he's here but there must be something I need to know. I had one good stroke of luck when I was looking at the size of our lot in paperwork from when we had bought it (nothing ever got thrown out around here) and realized that it was 10 feet bigger than I thought it was. It's a contractors dream because it is a corner lot with street on two sides, a lane on the third and one neighbor behind us. Of course contractors want to pay as little as possible which is why I chose to fix it up to appeal to a homebuyer. It also has a suite in it. I think if I had been able to keep it, I would have suited the entire basement and just used the upstairs for us. Oh well.

My gardeners finally came back today to finish clearing the yard. I don't trust them very much now since they took so many things from the yard and under my deck that I didn't okay but I definitely needed that yard readied for putting the place on the market. It just blows me away how many untrustworthy people there are. I guess I just assumed that people were good and kind since that's how we lived our lives but apparently not. Every day is a learning experience. I'm just tired of having to learn the hard way.

Just because things have been going well for the two of you it doesn't mean that your emotions haven't been tossed all over the place. It's hard to stay 'up' when your future is still uncertain. It's a great thing that Don and you are so close. I guess life is about challenges and we all have them. It would be awesome to be able to go back in time to when we were young and being sheltered from the storms of life. What my youngest misses the most about her daddy is that he always was able to come up with solutions to things and if he didn't have all of the answers, he would find them. He also could fix pretty much anything that was broken. He was the calm in her world and she misses that so much. I look at her way of dealing with things in life and know that he lives on in her. In my older one I find that she loves a good debate and never backs down. That she inherited from him. She also holds things in and suffers the most from her loss. All she ever wanted to do was please him and yet they had such a difficult time communicating. Life and death are so compicated.

Well my dear friend, I must go see what the gardeners have accomplished. I hope today is a sunny day in your world and that you take a moment for yourself to celebrate what a good person you truly are.

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by debbied2007

07 Aug 2013, 10:03 PM

Hi Tracie,

Children...what can I say. Yes, mine do blame me a lot for their issues...I think I told you earlier, every year, one of the four gets really mad at me and just rants about everything I've done to them or what I didn't do for them! They don't recall the good times. Before I met Don, I was a single parent of the four girls for 7 years, and it was tough! Going to school, trying to get educated and not getting any help from their father! Oh well, that's all behind me now!

Yay, for the possibility of selling your mom's home...also, sad too! Perhaps with less stress of this heavy burden, things will fall into place (ie. financial planner; moving forward). My thoughts and prayers will be with you as you try to find your way through these very difficult times! These days, taking all the little "luck", may build into a one big luck...LOL.

I know what you mean about untrustworthy people - I'm the same way, I cannot believe how untrustworthy people are, because I would never think of taking advantage of anyone! Let alone someone who is in need of assistance!

Well, we have two possible dates for the surgery; end of August. I'm now back at work and, today is my first day. Back into the swing of things and being surrounded by people, and yet, not really. Our dept. has downsized so much, there are probably over 12 empty cubicles around me. Just lil' ole me. If I want company, I just have to walk over a few cubicles to talk with someone. Private and yet...not private. Being back at work is hard though! For two reasons; the first, well, I'm used lazing about in the morning, having my coffee around 9 and then having a nap in the afternoon...not today, up bright and early; still out of sorts as I slowly get back into my routine; the 2nd reason is being in the "politics" of the dept. Our dept is downsizing, and as mentioned earlier, our jobs will be moved to Winnipeg; so my staff are getting offers for other positions in Edmonton, and once they leave, there is no one to do the work. Same amount of work, with a lot less people! Oh well, them's the breaks for us I guess.

Yesterday was a gorgeous day here in AB! Sunshine and hot! Don and I spent most of the day wandering around Edm; being tourists. The day before, I went for a job and Don walked; so he basically walked around the hiking trail and I jogged it twice. It was good to get out and do that, but boy was it hot with lots of bugs. I won't do that without deet again!

So, next steps...hubby will have two more surgeries (liver then lung); one near the end of this month and the other...we don't know when...still up in the air...still waiting.

Well, I hope your gardeners did a great job for you! I hope you figure out the message your Len is trying to send you! And my wish for you today is that you are happy. Just happy that's it. Somedays that's all we can wish for. At least we still have our health...right!!!!?

Sending you sunshine, hugs and lots of prayers. Take care my friend, you are well loved by all, and my thoughts and prayers will be with you as you struggle to find answers to your many questions and struggles. Deb

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Reply by marstin

08 Aug 2013, 4:16 PM

Hi Deb,

Well I wrote this long post to you and with a touch of the keyboard lost it all.Lol!
Yes, our children love to try to make us feel guilty for what we haven't done for them and forget the sacrifices that we have made. Sounds like you did a great job considering what you had to do on your own. We are after all just human beings not wonder woman.

The week has gone quite well. Our new realtor is incredible and now has 2 solid offers in writing for my mom's house. I just wish we had found her earlier. I questioned her about what she thought that my property might be worth and she is going to check into a few things and let me know. At this point she thinks it will be worth far more than I ever expected and may even be possibly a duplex lot. That would be incredible! I would sell it in a heartbeat if that is the case and leave all of these problems behind. I just want out. The gardeners did come back and finish their job. They filled not only my refuse bin but my garbage bin and with garbage day a week away it caused me to just shake my head. My oldest and I bagged all of that stuff and took it to my mom's and filled her garbage bin so that we have room in ours for actual garbage. Lol! Everthing seems to have some crazy thing attached to it.

My niece took me out for breakfast the other day and we had a good visit. She's been so tied up the past couple of months that we haven't had much time together. My stepdaughter has been quite distant since our trip to the island. I don't think she's annoyed, just caught up in her own world and I guess she is finished helping us. She kept questioning me about some guitars that she thought might be here and when I told her I found them, including one that had been hers, the only one she wanted is the most expensive one. I told her we were keeping it and I don't think she was very happy about it. Conversations with her are difficult because she has no interest in our lives at all and just wants all of the focus on herself and her daughter. My girls just laugh and say 'We told you mom'. I'm not used to people like that. Oh well, she was a huge help for awhile so I should be thankful for that.

It's good to hear that you and Don are still managing to get out and enjoy life. Even if you had to battle the bugs. Lol! So, two more surgeries. Hopefully they will be a huge success so that the two of you can move on in your lives. The important thing right now is that you continue to take each day as it comes and enjoy it.

Company restructuring is quite a stress in itself. I remember so well going through that with my job of 21 years and when I had the opportunity to take a first aid course and be able to stay on in some capacity, I finally had had enough and allowed a single mom to take the position. There had been too many months of watching friends get laid off and feeling resentful that they had moved the main part of the company across the border. I think we went from about 500 people down to about 20. I only wish that I had taken on a part time job at least after that to keep myself in the world where I had social contacts and some income. I appreciate that I had the opportunity to spend so much time with my kids and my mom but....

Well, time to get myself moving and clear out some more stuff. My oldest and I took a bunch of stuff to the hospice thrift store yesterday and I think I'll load up my car with more things today. If I can get some things out of here it will be easier to organize the rest that we are keeping.

Sending you sunshine and laughter today!

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by debbied2007

09 Aug 2013, 5:25 PM

Hi TracieBugs,

Here’s a beautiful post I read today…just had to share with you!

Everything you do is based on the choices you make!

It’s not your parent’s, your past relationships, your job,

the economy, the weather, an argument, or you age

that is to blame. You and only you are responsible for

every decision and choice you make!

There, enough said for our children…take back our life and let our girls know exactly what it is…if only it were that easy hey? LOL.

I’m glad things are moving forward with the realtor – there is a reason for everything, and I think the other realtor was sent as you may not have been ready to sell the house…? WOW, that is awesome news about your house, I sure hope it works out for you…you definitely need some sort of good luck on this!!!

I hear you about how everything seems to have some crazy attachment to the end or ongoing result! It just seems to happen and I’m sure we just shake our heads and wonder for a moment, and then move on to the next item/issue. If we stay too long on one item, it will just eat us away and it makes it that much harder to actually move on with life!

Well, it sounds like your step-daughter still has her issues to deal with – I’m so glad you are strong and able enough to know what exactly you want to keep and what you are willing to share with the family…especially the more expensive items. I believe memories are more important than items, as items cannot replace the memories. The only item I have from my grandma (other than my good looks…LOL), is a bowl…just a plain old bowl, but I remember it so well. It’s one of those bowls made of some sort of “enamel steel”…and she kept buns or fruit in it. So now, I put my fruit in it to display..and eat! I have a few items from my dad; every time he came to visit me in the NWT, he would have a gift for me. Plus the items over the years, a painted gold pan from the Yukon; a broach with my initial – every now and then I find something he gave me and think about when he gave it to me…awwwww, memories!

Like you, I sometimes wish I could have done somethings, like stayed home with my daughters, but I know each decision and action made, was made or decided for a reason. Our choices are ok, they were what our situation was at the time, as you stated earlier… J

Well, I’ve had an epiphany! I had a very stressful evening – our daughter is NOT behaving AT ALL! And it is causing stress to me, as I know Don has held her to such a high standard and is not meeting it these days. Sleeps in, not looking for work, we’re not sure if her bills are getting paid and just doing NOTHING! She isn’t helping with the cooking or cleaning, or doing her daughters laundry. I stopped doing my granddaughter’s laundry about 1 month ago and it shows. I feel bad for her, but I cannot take on that responsibility anymore. We used to drive her to the dayhome if our daughter wasn’t up in the morning – nope, not anymore. I feel taken advantage of, and feel that our daughter has just pure lazy! There!!!

Anyway, on to my epiphany…I was thinking about all my stressors (I think I counted 9 previously) and I was wondering why am I so unhappy…why can’t I just be happy, because our guest left the house….I should be happy, then it dawned on me…as one stressor is gone, another automatically takes its place. I can’t take all 9 stressors on all at once, so as one is eased, I have about 1-5 days of happiness, and then I’m completely stressed again!

I’ve also realized who my friends are – one friend of 30 years actually deleted me off of FaceBook…what the heck! I couldn’t believe it. I’ve also had several friends fall away from me…good friends too, and others who had no obligation to me, step up to the plate and check up on me on a regular basis. This is so strange as I never expected it to happen this way. I really expected my long time friends to help me through this, or at least communicate with me once in a while…WOW. My lil’ sister also tries to comfort me…LOL. I find that amusing, as I am the comforter in our family and when she does it, I just smile and tell her, not now…I will let you know when I need you.

Well, work is calling – I’m going to have my lunch then do some work related stuff.

Keep on moving forward, it’s great to hear your accomplishments regularly. You are one strong lady and I admire your ability to take the good with the bad and move forward regardless of what needs to be done. Sending you some AB sunshine today. Take care my friend.

Deb

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Reply by marstin

09 Aug 2013, 7:05 PM

Hi Deb,

Can I tell you that everytime I see that you have responded to my post, it's like Christmas day. I can't wait to open it and see what you have to say.

Love yoru poem. It is so true. I had a funny little conversation with my youngest yesterday about how different things are going to be when we move. I said no more of mom doing all of the cooking, cleaning, and laundry . She appeared shocked and said but you're our mom. I told her that at this age, my job as a mom is now to be there for emotional support not be the maid. She tried the 'well I could just move out on my own if that's the case' and my response was 'yes, you could do that and pay rent, utilities, cook, clean, buy groceries and do your own laundry in addition to work and school'. What a diva she is. Lol! Those girls never had to learn how to do for themselves because no matter what I said to push them to do work around the house, Len would sit quietly back and never stick up for me. I think he just figured that since I didn't work outside of the home, I should do everything inside the home. My mom spoilt them so badly even down to cooking something different for them if they didn't like what she was having at the time. Now I get to deal with two lazy kids and the one being so picky about what she eats. Grrr! It sounds like your daughter suffers from a huge case of the lazies too. Good for you to back off and let her take care of her own responsibilities. I think that it's a case of them taking advantage of your kindness and nurturing to an extreme.

I absolutely love our realtor! She is so sweet and very smart and an open book on how this whole process works. My brother really likes her and of course he has to remark on how attractive she is. I am so glad Len was never like that. He always had so much respect and even if he thought something like that he would never speak it or ogle another female. No wonder my brothers wife sees every female in his life as the enemy. Anyway, one of the subjects in the contract is out of the way and the home inspection happens on Tuesday. She has yet to give me an idea on the worth of my property but told me to pester her if she forgets, she likes to be pestered. What an easy person to be around and not an ounce of negativity. Her upbeat attitude just boosts my spirits.

So, you've hit the moment of shock when the people you thought would always have your back are the ones who turn their backs on you when you need them the most. There are definitely lessons to be learned in that but it hurts so much when it does happen. These are generally people that you thought you knew so well so it makes it so much worse when it happens. I have found that strangers and acquaintances sometimes have more heart than the ones we trusted with our lives. Just know that it's not your fault or anything that you did, it's just more a case of them either not being able to deal with your circumstances or that you may ask more of them than they are willing to give. Whatever it is, it is their loss as you know that you will emerge a much wiser, a little less trusting, but a more fabulous you. I have a friend that I have known for most of my life and this girl phoned me the other night and chided me for not keeping in touch with her. Really? Then she went on to tell me that I needed to find a smaller place and not to get one to accomodate my daughters because they would soon leave me and then I would have too much space and it would be costly. She proceeded to sneer at me for not wanting to drive out her way and said that I was too dependant on my kids for everything and that it would be difficult when they left me. She just went on about how I always say that no one helps me but that I should have figured it out by now that no one will unless I pay people to do it. The whole conversation was like this and by the time I got off the phone, I was steaming mad and well, I can't say on here what I wanted to say to her. Dare I say that long time friends are not always people worth keeping in your life when you are already facing major challenges. You will find the gems through this whole process and they aren't the expected ones.

Well my friend it's time to kick my butt into gear and clear some more of this place. Although my finances are worrying me, I am feeling a little more upbeat these days and trust that things are going the way that they are intended to go and that I will be okay. After all, I am a survivor!

Sending you hugs and our nonstop BC sunshine,
Tracie

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Reply by debbied2007

09 Aug 2013, 10:29 PM

Ohhh TracieBugs you are such a sweetheart! Thank you for the Christmas Day comment. I too, enjoy reading your posts and am quite excited when I receive an email, letting me know marstin has commented on my status :).

It seems you raised your daughters the way I raised mine - spoilt them, I'm wondering if it's our generation, to pamper our children, as we had to do everything...and unfortunately, that has cost us and our children - for the most part, because they are so dependant on us. Mind you 3 of my daughters have left home, for quite sometime now and it's only the youngest who resides with us...hmmmmm. I chuckled at your comment about your mom cooking something different for her granddaughters...I do that too. I know what our granddaughter likes and dislikes, so my meals are always planned with such variety, that it covers her little picky taste buds and the variety adults like

.

Well, I see beautiful ladies as eye candy for my main man - doesn't bother me, I know his eyes don't stray and I know how much he loves me. Just like I like eye candy too...

, but will never ever think of straying. I'm so glad you found a realtor who has such an upbeat attitude and boosts your spirits - see, there is a reason for everything! It sure helps to be around positive people; and also around those who will listen and talk with you, not at you! I try to stay away from negativity and when I become too negative, I sit and think about why am I this way...what brought me here - I may get an immediate response from myself, or may have to sit and ponder, sometimes for a few weeks. Once I figure it out, or while I am trying to figure it out, I move on with life...

Yes, the moment of shock when the people you love and always thought they would be there for me has been a real hard shock! It didn't bother me, or I didn't notice, when my dad passed away, because I was in so much grief, I didn't really expect anyone or want anyone around me except Don and my girls. So no one had to step up to the plate and call me. I think I just shut down and dove into home life and work for 3 years...when friends came to visit, I would talk with them about the grief and where I am at...and didn't expect anything other than an ear at that moment. Yes, it is a real strange feeling - especially getting the love and hugs from aquaintences...or at least I thought that's what they were, until this...wow, SLAP!!! LOL.

I really don't like the message your girlfriend was sending you...hope you don't mind if I express my feelings on this one. It bothers me that she thinks that she can talk with you this way, ESPECIALLY, after what you have been through. Goodness, it's only been a year and you haven't really started the full grieving process...(correct me if I'm wrong here). I think as much as we complain about our children, actually I know, that no matter what, they will always be our first/second priority. If they need a place to stay, we will ensure this happens. The whole conversation just seems too much, and very opinionated!

I can definitely agree with you, long time friends are not always people work keeping in our lives, when we are already facing major challenges. The gems are out there, and they find a way to shine through when we need them...and we will reciprocate the love and caring when they are in a time of need.

Well, I just thought, since Don is late picking me up, I would send you a quick response. I'm not too sure what the weekend holds for us - but hubby has been getting out and about and enjoying his "freedom" from the bed of recovery...our bedroom...LOL. I wish I had taken some annual leave so I could enjoy it with him, rather than bringing him his meals in bed...but that was awesome too...well, have an awesome evening/weekend. Remember to relax with a cup of coffee/tea/water...wine...on your favourite chair and enjoy reading that book...and...whatever else you wish to do. You've earned it my dear friend! Cheers, smiles, take care, and spoil yourself in every little way that you can!!!!

HUGS, Deb

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Reply by marstin

11 Aug 2013, 6:33 PM

Hi Deb,

Well it's a rainy day here in BC and it's a bit of a shock since we haven't really had anything but sunshine for well over a month. Well at least I don't have to water the plants. Lol!

I saw this quote on facebook and had to share it with you.

'We are the captains of our own ships sailing the sea of life, but in times of stormy weather, you will discover true friends when they don't hesitate to be a lighthouse'.

That is so in tune with what we were talking about. That crazy friend of mine is toxic right now. I used to always be there for her when things were dragging her down (I thought that was my mission in life with all of my friends) and yet now when I need understanding people, I find that so few of the ones that I supported in the past have the ability to do the same for me. I'm okay with that though since I have found the ones that are meant to be with me on this journey and they are incredible. This girl belongs somewhere far from me. She is looking at her life experiences not mine.

Yesterday was a really 'up' day for me. I'm not sure where it's coming from but I sure like the feeling. When Len first passed away I bought a deck of 'Angel Cards' which I used to read daily and they brought me comfort. The past few days I have started to read them again and once more they have brought me a sense of peace. Maybe it's due to with tapping into the inner me and knowing that no matter what happens we will be alright.

I had a couple of rock hounds come out yesterday for the second time to purchase some of the equipment from here. They are such sweethearts and are very sympathetic to my situation and willing to advise me on many things. Today I had a guy come by to buy something from me that I put on Craigslist. We started talking then I showed him the garage and as we talked for a good half hour (mostly about contractors and people that are not worth having in your life) he looked around the mess in the garage and said that he could see things that he wouldn't mind buying but that it was difficult to get at them. He then offered to come out another time with his truck, and possibly his sons, and haul the garbage away and close the garage in properly for me. It sounds like he would do it in exchange for some of the tools which would be fine with me. I was floored. Another case of a complete stranger coming to my rescue. He told me to think about it so I'll wait a few days before I email him with a 'Yes, please'. I think he was sent to me. Kind, caring and in case you're wondering....happily married. I throw that in because my friends would say, 'hmmm is he single?'. I am so fortunate these days to be finding some really incredible people and I know that in the future I will happily pay it forward.

It's sure good to hear that Don getting out and about. It's great that the two of you find new adventures to do together and enjoy each others company so much. Not many couples can say the same.

Well time to get to work again. At least it's cooled down enough to be able comfortably work around here.

Sending you sunshine and laughter.

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by debbied2007

14 Aug 2013, 2:13 AM

Hi TracieBugs,

Just a quick note to say hello and let you know I'm still thinking of you. I'm so glad you've met this wonderful person who is willing to help you anyway he can. See...that is something we would do...so it is so nice to have this paid back to you...not that's why we do these gestures, it just seems to be in our nature.

It's been a tough couple of days...hubby had his follow up with the surgeon and the surgeon was impressed by his recovery. There were two comments (one from the DR and one from hubby) which really bothered me...but I guess I should be happy! The surgeon said he was impressed he was having such a positive conversation with us, because, normally, these types of situations (numerous cancers), he is having a totally different conversation with the patient and family...well, I just about started crying, but held it in, because, I needed to be strong...he's seen me cry too many times. The 2nd comment was on the drive home, Don said, you know, initially, they were only giving me 2 years...WHAT!!!!!! I guess when it was initially diagnosed in the lymph node, if the biopsy came back positive, they said he would only have maximum 2 years. There were so many things said at the follow up appt...hubby has to go back every 1 1/2 -2 years for blood work...5 years for colonoscopy (I told Don I guess when I book mine, I'll book your's too...his and hers!) :) So if after 5 years of remission and he's cleared then it is just monitoring...but in between it is constant checking to ensure the cancer doesn't come back!!!!

On the brighter side, we are heading to the mountains for a few days of rest and relaxation...and also, to celebrate our anniversary early. It is on Saturday, but we will be celebrating on Wed/Thur and head home on Friday night. We have our granddaughter on Saturday night (happy anniversary

); and then taking her canoeing on Sunday.

I'm so happy to hear things are finally looking up...all I can say, is I hope they are still looking up. It's about time hey bud!!! So happy to hear your mood is on the up side...you so deserve it. Well, we are off early in the morning, so I'm going to say good night. Take care my friend! Sending you sunshine, hugs and lots of love.

Deb

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Reply by marstin

17 Aug 2013, 4:47 AM

Hi Deb,

How was your trip to the mountains? Relaxing I hope. How many years have the two of you been married? Happy Anniversary!

The house is sold!!!! The other realtor tried to say that the sump pump wasn't working (it had been the last time it rained) and they wanted to have $10,000 knocked off of the price. Our realtor told them that she had a second person waiting for this deal to fall through with a full price offer and they backed right off and said they'd take it. Lol! As soon as she phoned to say that it was done, I hung up and the tears just came pouring down. I don't know if it's relief or sadness or a mix of the two. I have cried off and on since then at the drop of a hat. The girls and I are going over there on Sunday to do a little picnic and say goodbye to the house. Since they were practically raised in that place I'm sure that it is upsetting them too. I went over the other night and stood out on the sundeck listening to the rain pound down on the deck cover and could picture my mom and I sitting out there every day drinking our Timmy's and her cursing the rain. I've always loved that sound. I miss those moments so much.

So, that guy came over today and we started hauling the junk out. We made a pretty good dent in it but still have a ways to go. He opened up a barrel that was in there and found a bunch of parts for Len's old MGA in great condition. They should be worth a fair amount of money if I can find the right buyer. We worked for hours and uncovered all kinds of goodies and a lot of garbage. Lol! He left with a full truck and said he'd be back either Sunday or Monday to do some more. Incredible. My stepdaughter came over for awhile after he left and we did a bit more work in there. I told her it just creeps me out to work out there on my own. She's coming back tomorrow to help some more. Yay! This working alone just doesn't do it. She's doing a graduated back to work starting Monday but since her job is so close to here she's going to start coming over after work to help keep me moving forward.

That sure must have been quite the conversation with the surgeon. That darn rollercoaster again. At least at this point it's all good news and that in itself must be a relief. Each hurdle you cross is a step in the right direction. It's just all of those moments when you feel like you're hoding your breath that are so difficult.

I ran into a girl the other day that used to work at our drugstore and my mom and I knew her for many years. We started talking and I told her about this past year. She was so sad that mom had passed away. I asked her how she was doing and she blurted out that her husband had just found out moments before that he has kidney cancer. They were just on their way to get blood work done. I asked for her number and gave her mine, then told her that Len had passed away from bladder cancer so I've been down this road and would be glad to support her along the way. As I watched them leave I could see the fear written all over their faces and it brought back so many memories of when Len was first diagnosed. I felt so bad for them.

Well my friend I guess it's time to settle in for the night. It's been a long, busy day. Sending you happiness and laughter and.... if you see our sunshine can you send it back this way!

Hugs,
Tracie

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