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Reply by debbied2007

19 Aug 2013, 5:17 PM

Hi TracieBugs,

Our trip and anniversay went very well. We've been together for 18 years, but married for 11 years. Thank you for the anniversay wishes

!! We did a 9km hike on Thursday...I was quite impressed because it's the first real exercise hubby has done since the surgery. There were moments I worried about him, as near the end of the hike he was tired! He gets upset with me when I worry about him. I guess he's so used to taking care of me, that now I am returning the gesture he isn't used to it!!! We went canoeing yesterday, brought our lil Granddaughter. We were out on the lake for about two hours. Then spent sometime at the park so she can play before we went home. She was so funny, wearing sandles, and walking gingerly through the sand one slow step at a time, so she doesn't get sand in her toes. That was so funny to see. Then when I told her to just walk through the sand, you can clean your toes later, she did. But cleaning the sand off her toes took a good 10 minutes, as each grain had to be removed! Hmmmmm...unsure who'e influence that is!

Once we got home, Don checked his temperature, as he was not feeling well. It was quite high, not too sure if it was because he exposed himself to too much sun. But today, he said it has gone down quite a bit...WHEW! Unfortunately, I'm back at work as the surgeons haven't firmed up the day for his next surgery yet! The waiting game continues

!

Selling the house sure brought on a mixture of emotions for you! I know it is a financial relief, but having to let go of something that belonged to your mom brings on the grief. I'm sure you will have a lot more crying to do! My heart and thoughts will be with you during this difficult time! How was your picnic? I'm sure it went well and you told lots of stories and shared wonderful memories of your mom and the girls grandma!

Well, work beckons me! Just wanted to drop you a line to let you know I'm here for you, and I am sending you sunshine (did it return?), hugs, smiles and lots of happiness! Take care my dear friend!

Deb

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Reply by marstin

21 Aug 2013, 5:54 PM

Hi Deb,

Wow, it sure sounds like Don is doing good, except for that problem with his temperature. Hiking, canoeing and playing in the sand with the grandaughter (I could picture your grandaughter worrying about the sand between her toes). I couldn't keep up with all of that without being exhausted.Actually I'm tired just thinking about it. Lol!

It's been quite a week so far. The picnic was pretty good. My niece joined us, no one else could come, and we just sat and munched and talked. My oldest was in a growly mood and kept taking shots at me so I just walked away. I'm sure my niece will mention it next time we get together. My youngest and I went back to the house the next day and took Bella with us. I figured it would be the last time that she would get to run around the yard. Just before we were leaving I went downstairs and noticed that there was a leak of some sort, not bad but a leak. I called my brother when I got home and told him and he started freaking on me. He asked why I hadn't called him sooner. Uh, I just got home from there?! Then he went on a tirade about how he just knew something would happen with us going in and out of the house and asked I had turned off the water to the toilet in case that was where it was coming from. When I said no he told me to go back over and do that. He didn't ask, just ordered. Wow! God help anything that rocks his boat. I asked if he had talked to the cow from the lawyers office and he went off on me again.

Yesterday we had to go to the lawyers office to sign off on the house. I made the mistake of calling him to see when he was going in because they never have us come in at the same time. I grumbled a bit about the secretary and he blew up at me again and said he was sick of my negativeness. I said 'right back at you' and he shut up. I told him that I was tired of paying someone who talks to me like I'm a 6 year old and never allows me to question anything. I said I would be so glad when I never had to see her again and in my mind I thought 'or you'. He used to treat my mom the same way (just like our dad). He figures if he roars that he will shut up anyone around him. He forgets that his little sister never backed down or put up with that garbage in the past and definitely not these days. Anyway, when I went to the lawyers office he had already had his appointment. I listened to the receptionist talking to a gentleman that was there and none of the condescending tone that she uses with me. I think my brother must have said something to the lawyer because he handed me papers to read then whisked me into his office without a word from her. I would guess my brother told him that I was in need of money (yes, his pathetic little sister) because he said that the money had to go through another process before we dispersed it and that it wouldn't take place until about late October or early November. He did say though that if I was in need of some money until then that he could find a way to allow me to have some. At least he didn't talk down to me and was quite kind about it. I am so glad that we are almost at the end of this process. I don't want to see my brother for a very long time. He's either quiet spoken or a raging jerk and I have reached the end of my rope with him. It's not like he's been much in the way of support the past year anyway. Sorry for dumping all of that on you, but I really needed to vent.

My youngest told me the other day that if her dad was here he would have figured out by now where we were going and how to make that happen. Funny, her honesty wasn't said in a mean way but I was a little hurt. All I could say is that I was doing the best that I can. I have a plan but unless we have some money from either the sale of my mom's or the sale of ours I couldn't move ahead. I also added in that we couldn't put ours on the market unless we got it cleared out and there hasn't been alot of help in that direction. Her standard response is to say that her dad and I gathered all of this stuff so it's not hers to deal with. Some days I would like to turn her over my knee.... Lol! What I need is a vacation away from everyone here. I'm so tired of everyone making me feel like a loser. Kind of like being in the ocean and the waves coming at you and smashing you into the rocks over and over again. I'm sure you know that feeling.

Well enough with feeling sorry for myself. Today the sun is shining and I'm going to meet my stepdaughter for lunch. That should be good. She's offered to come back over on the weekend and help go through some more stuff. I guess at some point I have to meet up with the realtor to hand over the keys to mom's place today too. I haven't managed to get much done this week but part of me just doesn't care. Once mom's stuff is done I'm sure that I will be able to refocus. At least I hope so. Lol!

Well time to get moving here. Hope the sun is shining on you and good things are happening.

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by debbied2007

26 Aug 2013, 6:29 PM

Hi TracieBugs,

How are things with you these days? I haven't forgotten about you, but I've been having some really tough and emotional days. It seems the weekends do that to me, nuff about me! LOL.

I'm glad to hear your picnic went well, except for the oldest taking shots at you. I guess when things like that happen, the best thing to do is walk away and not get caught up in the "fight"! I'm sure she was emotional and perhaps it was easier to express it through anger than to deal with it by crying and feeling the pain!

At first I was going to rant about your brother and the way he treats you...however, I'm trying a new approach in life (yes, we can learn new tricks!) by trying to understand people, rather than judge...which is way easier I might add. Good for you for standing up to him! I'm sure the lack of control in his life is hard on him, and he tries to control what he can. Once all the legal stuff is finalized you can pick and choose when he is in your life, and not the other way around. I'm quite happy you can vent with me...we're good that way, huh!?

It's amazing what anger/grief brings out in people. I know your youngest daughter's statement was innocent, but I also understand the pain you felt from hearing it!

I feel like a spoilt princess...Don has taken such good care of me and does so much to keep me happy, that the last week was tough on him and me. He's been sick with the flu since last Sunday and basically stuck in bed! I don't mind taking care of him at all; but I've been going through some emotions. I took Friday off, and all I did was cry and feel sorry for myself. I'm going to have to get used to not being busy and staying home as his surgery is next week. Then he will be bedridden for 4-5 weeks...I need to quit feeling sorry for myself and just move on! It's also hard on him too! He doesn't like being helpless physically! He's always apologizing. Hmmmmm...now that I'm writing it, it seems to me that I am a very spoilt wife! I better smarten up and start thinking about him, rather than feeling sorry for myself...bad DEB!!!!

We've had such awesome weather this month...July was basically written off, I'm sure it rained every day! The first time ever, I planted flowers and they all died as they were water soaked! I'm going to have to learn to garden next year and plant them properly I guess!

So, Don's surgery is next Thursday, then he has another one in October...then he has 6 chemo sessions...which will take him to March 2014! Wow, over 1 year of treatment and surgeries. We are hoping to get a vacation in between the surgeries and chemo therapy! I will be off work for most of September...again...hopefully, my daughter will be gainfully employed so I have my days to myself.

Well, I'd like to stay and continue our conversation, but work beckons once again. Take care of yourself! HUGS, Deb

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Reply by marstin

28 Aug 2013, 1:40 AM

Hi Deb,

Ah life can be so difficult at times. You say that you have had some tough and emotional days lately and with all of the ups and downs in your life it is no wonder that you feel this way. It's difficult to deal with everyday things but when you add in the trips to the doctors, hospitals, operations, holding your breath waiting for results, work issues and family matters, it's got to be exhausting. You go ahead and feel sorry for yourself, you've earned the right!

I think finally I am free of my brother for awhile. I thought that the other day then he messaged me to say that we both had to sign off on the house insurance for my mom's house. Dang! It's ironic that we would do it yesterday on what would have been my dad's birthday. It's almost like we were pushed together one more time. Our way of thinking is so different and as I listened to him talk about his health issues (he talks constantly about his aches and pains) and how his wife has this pain and that pain, all I could think of was I guess money doesn't buy happiness. He got on his soapbox about how I should consider letting the cabin go so that the girls would have less to worry about in case something happens to me. I'm sure glad he's so optimistic about my future here on earth. He spends alot of time talking about my demise. Sheesh!

Things have slowed down around here, or should I say that I have. The guy that helped haul garbage away from here hasn't been back although he did call last week, and my stepdaughter was going to come out on the weekend to work with me then changed her mind. I am so tired of dealing with this place and just want to run away. I guess having to deal with two deaths and two houses in the past year is just a little too much. I know that I will perk up again and move forward once more but this week doesn't appear to be the time.

So, the next surgery is coming up soon. It sure has been a long haul for the two of you. On the bright side at least you have been getting positive results but I know how stressful it all is for you. I truly hope that you do get a holiday in the near future. You definitely deserve it.

I think tomorrow the girls and I are going to go to the PNE. They are forecasting rain but I think we'll go anyway just because. Last year we had to leave early because my mom had taken a turn for the worse. This year I hope that we can have some pleasant memories to take home with us. Mostly we shop in the buildings, the girls go on a few rides, I go to the casino there and we take in some of the free shows. It felt so strange last year because we didn't have Len or Mom with us. This year will start a new chapter in our lives.

Well it's time to go. My young one is looking for dinner. Lol!

Take care & give yourself a hug from me,
Tracie

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Reply by marstin

08 Sep 2013, 3:38 PM

Hi Deb,

I've been thinking about you and wondered how things went with Don's surgery. I hope things went smoothly without any hiccups.

Not many changes around here. Friday was the one year mark of my mom's passing. It was a weepy day. My one girlfriend kept texting me to make sure that I was okay. She was crying at her end of the phone as she relived moments from when we were growing up and how much more of a mom mine was to her than her own mom. My oldest put a beautiful tribute to her on facebook and again I had to wipe away the tears. Quite the soggy day.

That guy came back out and hauled another load of garbage away for me. The garage is finally starting to clear out. We even came across a doll of my nieces that went missing when we moved here nearly 15 years ago. It was still in pretty decent shape so I've washed it up and will give it to her today at a family gathering for her birthday. Oh yay, a family dinner at my brothers house. I am so not looking forward to it. I just don't have much love for any of them these days. Even my niece has pretty much deserted me aside from a rare text message. My brother has indicated that his wife will be going away on another trip and will be away on mom's birthday which is on the 16th. She usually chooses dates that have some signifigance to go on her trips. Please do go do your 'mourning' by yourself you self centred woman. When my oldest turned 16 they gave her a trip to Disney World with them. My daughter was heartbroken because it ended up that she was away on Mothers Day. She hated every moment of her trip but did manage to get a phone call in to wish my mom and I a happy Mothers Day. Anyway, it almost sounded like my brother was telling me that she would be away and that he might be available to help me with some things around here. I'm not sure that I want his help with anything if he can't do it when 'She' is around. If I were him I'd be ashamed of myself for leaving my sister to depend on strangers to help clear things out. Just saying.

Aside from having that guy come and haul more stuff away, I have been at a standstill on the work around here. I am so depressed and tired and just want to walk away from it all. Len's friend that was helping a bit around here 'fell off the wagon' and had a binge night so he is now focusing on getting himself back on track and hasn't been around. My stepdaughter is back to work full time and although she keeps saying she'll be out to help, it hasn't happened for weeks. Sorry, it sounds like I'm having a pity party. I understand that people have busy lives. I just can't escape this mess and can't even figure out what I need the girls to help me with. I'm out of time, money and energy and yet I still can't escape it all.

Well, I guess it's time to get my butt in motion. I hadn't planned on dumping all of this on you but you know how that goes sometimes.

Write back when you have a moment so that I know that you are okay.

Hugs to you,
Tracie

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Reply by debbied2007

09 Sep 2013, 4:18 AM

Hi TracieBugs,

I didn't mean to abandon you too! I'm so sorry for not responding. I felt the guilt everyday, because I knew you were thinking about me and wondering how the surgery went. Let's get on with it and get the guilt out of the way

.

His surgery went well.  It was a 5 hour surgery, as they did his liver and reversed the ostomy. So far he's doing pretty darn well. He's such a strong minded individual, I admire him so. The surgeon is impressed with his recovery. He looks so much better from the last surgery. His main issue is being nautious!  But they have gravol for that!  He's still in the hospital, and should be there until Tuesday or Wednesday! I'll be working part time until he comes home, then will be off for 2-3 weeks, depending on how long he needs me.  It's funny how the hospital involves family in taking care of the patients! This has changed so much, I guess because of the cut backs there is only so much they can do!

Hahahaha, I just finished talking with my daughter about events at the hospital and how certain things bothered me. She totally validated my feelings; which you did in a previous posting...and I thank you for that. It was to do with my pity party.

I'm sorry, but I had to chuckle about your brother's constant comment about your demise. Do you think he's worried about his? and just transferring on to your's? I don't understand it, because it's not something I worry about...my sibblings demise. Goodness, I worry about my own...don't need to worry about anyone elses, it's not like I have control over any of that!!!!

How was the PNE? I hope you and the girls had fun...did you win at the casino?  We took the girls there when the youngest was 7 (she's now 24); and they sure had a blast. our second youngest, at the time was probably 8, was on one of the rides and just bawling for her mommy....LOL!!!!

Well, I'm sending you a great big wrap around hug for Friday! Your tearful day!  I'm actually at a loss of words right now

. I know it was a weepy and sorrowful day! Great big hugs for you my dearest friend. It's tough and we all mourn in our own way. Some days it seems like we aren't going to make it through because of the sorrow we feel...but yet, we somehow do make it through...

How was your family gathering? I'm sending you positive vibes so that it went well. Especially because you had to be in the presence of your brother and "She"! Wow, a doll for your niece, that is just so flipping excellent, I hope she enjoyed the extra special gift!!!!

I definitely agree with you about your brother and his being ashamed! Wow, that unfortunately is not a good attribute to have!  I guess all we can do is wish his aches and pains away and that hopefully one day (probably won't happen) that he realizes the errors of his and his wife's way!!!! Treating family like they are beneath them is just pure RUDE!!!!! Feeling pity for them is another story...and I believe family should respect and love one another!

Please my friend, never apologize about your feeling sorry for yourself.  You are here for me...I am here for you! No pity party, just a place to vent, that's all we need.

You seem to be surrounded by people who need help in one form or another, which brings people who are undependable. I've always wondered why I attract such people! We are two peas in a pod with no room for a 3rd pod!!!

Well, it's been an interesting time! Before his surgery, we lived it up like we had limited time, of course, which we did. We were busy...went to the mountains, and enjoyed each other's company. I would wake up in Canmore, do my morning run in the beauty of the mountains, then we would go for breaky...then a tour. We didnt' do any hikes, just touristy stuff. We left Edm on Wednesday and just basically partied it up...lol...on Thursday, we took the Lake Louise ski lifet up a ski hill to see bears; but we didn't see any. Thank goodness. I felt so exposed on a lift and if we saw a bear, I thought we would fall from the lift, just to be eaten by the hungry bear....my mind works in mysterious ways!!!!

Then we went canoeing for 2 hours. Of course, after such an exhausting day, we went for a delcious lunch.  Our goal was to fatten the mister up...he lost 12 pounds due to his flu,...the unfortunate thing about that is I gain weight too!!!!  We knew, which is true, that once he had surgery he would be on a liquid diet and lose weight.    Friday, we left Canmore and drove to Red Deer. We visited our daughter in the hospital, as she had surgery the day before. She was fine and now is at home recovering quite well.

During the Sept long weekend, my brother and his wife came to Edm to purchase a vehicle and visist. they live in Inuvik, so the drive home was 3 days!!!! I didn't invite them to stay, after our last visiter, I'm not inviting anyone to stay with us. They did spend an evening with us, as my brother needed to spend time with his brother in law!!! I of course cooked big meals for all to enjoy. On their last night, they took us out to our favourite pizza place....YUMMY!!!

It's been quite a stressful week. My sister in law didn't make it any easier...let's just say, I now have a new person to rant about. I absolutely dislike her!!!! I won't get into it, but both Don and I are quite amused by her actions!!!! She's one of those people who has to get involved in everything, know everthing...she's actually a marketer, so I guess I know why now!!!!! My new best friend, hubby's bud...previous houseguest...has been texting me...but I refuse to answer him.

I think one of the "things" i need to work on is my resentment issues...I guess...LOL...

As you can see, I'm very emotional.  I have a lot of frustration and people piss me off quickly. On a good note, my hubby is doing well, so am I. I hope you are doing well my friend. You are in my thoughts daily!!!! I know I've been silent of late, but, I do think of you every day and with nothing but good positive vibes your way. I saw this on FB the other day and thought of you...there are so many people who say they will be there for your...but when you need them in your time of need, they are not there...that was basically the statement, not the actual words! This is so true in both of our lives. I've really found out who my friends are.

GREAT BIG HUGS my FRIEND, Deb

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Reply by marstin

09 Sep 2013, 4:10 PM

Hi Deb,

I'm so glad to hear that everything went well with Don's surgery. I truly don't want you feeling guilty about not responding right away to my posts. It serves no purpose except to make us feel crumby and I don't want you to feel like that. Of course I'm always happy when you respond. Lol!

Our family dinner went quite well. It's always a little dull and my oldest never likes the food they serve but other than that it was okay. My niece's face lit up like a little girl on Christmas morning when she opened her gift. She said 'You always find a way of giving me such special gifts'. She said that she had brought out the card I gave her last year and had a little cry over it. Because her birthday was the day after my mom passed away I had given her a card to a granddaughter and written a little poem in it with words that my mom would have said if she could have been there. I'm not sure that anyone else really understood the meaning behind this years gift except her and I. My nephew's wife is such a nice girl and was asking how things were going with clearing out the house and lamenting the fact that she couldn't do something to help us. With three little ones aged 6, 4, and 6 months she doesn't have much spare time. She really tries to at least involve us in family get togethers and would love for us to come and visit more but I don't drive the distance (about a half hour drive) and the girls are always so busy. On the way home my youngest was saying how she missed the connection we had with my nephew's family and felt like we didn't know much about them these days since my mom passed away. She also said she hated the feeling of pity from everyone. I had a hard time responding to that. Some actually feel so bad for us and some, like my brother and his wife, just seem to be looking down from their ivory tower. I guess it's that we don't need pity, we need help to move forward. I mentioned to my niece about my brother talking like he would be available once his wife went on her holiday and she laughed. She said that maybe we could have a family clearing day but did I want to have the judges come in and sneer at all of the stuff in my house. Good point. Lol!

I think when you deal with so many highs and lows at one time while other peoples lives go on normally, resentment builds. Less tolerance for fools or people who think they have all of the answers to your problems. Less tolerance for those who have so much to say but do so little to actually help. What can I say ' resentments r us'. Lol! I love that quote that you found on FB. How true it is. Yay for you! You did not cave in and let your family members stay with you.

You and Don sure keep busy. You don't like bears eh? Lol! My brother was talking yesterday about the fact that they have been warned that there are bears in their area. He went out to check the locks on his garbage cans and just when he had checked the one, he looked over and noticed that the third one was being gone through by a black bear. He calmly backed off and let them do their thing. In our area there has never been that issue but I have heard that this year there has been bear sightings about 5 minutes from here. Last week, two days in a row our garbage bin had been knocked over and because we live close to a park and they've been clearing trees, I'm a little nervous about what caused that. I have had to warn the girls to be aware when they walk home from the bus because it's a treed area that they have to walk past. It's one thing dealing with coyotes, raccoons and skunks but bears? Scares the hell out of me.

I met an older lady yesterday while standing in a line up at Tim Horton's and she was admiring the angel pendant that I was wearing and said she had never seen anything so beautiful. I told her that my oldest daughter had worked hard last Christmas to find a perfect angel and explained what had happened in our lives. She was so sympathetic to what I told her and then went on to tell me about how she had lost the love of her life years before. She said that she had been determined to never go through that type of pain ever again in her life by allowing anyone else to get near her. Time went on and as she was walking into the church to be remarried, a man she had known from years before, you said to herself 'What are you thinking?' and said that it has been wonderful. She told me never to give up hope that a new life awaits me and to not close the door on getting close to someone else. I swear that there are angels living amongst us. My youngest will not entertain the thought that anyone else could come into my life while my oldest pleads the case that she should not expect me to live the rest of my life alone. I know that I am not ready to get involved with anyone else at this point but I truly cannot see myself being alone forever either. I don't think Len would want me to stop moving forward. Does that sound horrible? I hope not. This lady shared so much wisdom with me in the 5 minutes that we were in line together and I felt so good after talking to her.

Well, my friend the sun is shining and I truly need to get something done around here.Whether I will or not is another thing but I will try.

Hugs and sunshine and laughter to you my friend,
Tracie

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Reply by debbied2007

11 Sep 2013, 8:53 PM

Hi TracieBugs,

That was the weirdest thing...I didn't receive an email advising me you posted on my page. I was however, a bit bored last night and was going to re-read what I had sent you, and I had a nice present waiting...you responded quickly.

Such a nice gift!!!

Well Don is home now; and I have to come into work tomorrow. My daughter has two interviews for jobs...so life is getting back on track. He's still a wee bit nautious, so his eating is limited. Our granddaughter will be so happy grandpa is home. She was quite excited about it this morning when I told her he was coming home!

I'm so happy your niece liked her gift!!! Wow, that has to bring back so many wonderful memories for her! You have such a huge heart and are very thoughtful. If only those who don't know this, realize the strength you have and the abilities you hold near and dear!!! I know about the "feeling pity" for us! When I talk with family and friends, you can hear it in thier voices. A lot of friends and family tell me about my strength and how strong I must be to go through this. My thoughts are, I'm not going through this...my hubby is. I'm here to support and help him get through his journey.

It sounds like you have an awesome relationship with your niece! That's such a great thing to have. I have a huge family, and with 4 daughters, me being the oldest, I didn't really get close to my younger sisters (whom I've helped raise) and their children; but I am really close with my oldest brother, but for some reason, his family is a lot younger than my family...LOL...it's because I started really young!!!

Yes, Don and I are very busy. One of our friends from the NWT works in the same hospital as my daughter; she said to her "Do your parents work? They always seem to be travelling!!" LOL, we do love the mountains and what they have to offer. The beauty, serenity and absolute solitude when we go for our walks/hikes. I know that we are watched by creatures, whether it be bears or cougars, but I'm always close to my sweetie, just in case they think I look like dinner! He's the one with the bear spray!

I love that you can just talk with anyone! I mentioned in an earlier posting I'm like that too, any stranger! It's because there is no judgement; and sometimes they have the best advise because they don't have any attachment to you and they can see the answer much clearer! AND NO, it does NOT sound HORRIBLE; as a young vibrant woman!!!! Once the grieving and mourning process is over...well, let's just say, as a young vibrant woman, I don't think it is expected of you to be alone! Your youngest will get over it; she too, is grieving the loss and cannot understand or picture you with anyone else.

Well, the sun is shining; it's going to be a gorgeous week; I wish I could jump on the plane and go help you for one week! I'm going to send you positive thoughts, so that someone/family/friend will pick up on it and will rush over to help you!

Well, I gotta header, it's sunny out and I'm going to head out. Take care, sending you great big hugs, positive thoughts (because we all need it these days), wonderful sunshine and a great big SMILE :) Your friend, Deb

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Reply by marstin

12 Sep 2013, 4:15 PM

Hi Deb,

How wonderful that Don is home again. Now he can heal and get ready for the next round. It's always so much easier to get better at home than in a hospital.

Lol! So you're a yakker too eh? I used to be so shy and introverted and would never have talked to anyone that I didn't know. When the girls were young and I was newly out of work, my ex-sister inlaw came to me with a business proposition to sell Watkins products. It was a frightening thing. They had me work the PNE booth early on and I nearly peed myself, I was sooo nervous. There was so many people. From that point on, I began to feel more comfortable talking to strangers and never quit. My kids always laugh when I talk about how shy I was because they don't remember those days at all. Every once in awhile that side of me kicks in and I have to push it away. I never want to be like that again. Len always attributed the shift to me being thrown into such a huge venue and having to sink or swim. I'm sure that being secure in a relationship played a major role in all of that too.

My niece is such a little girl at heart and in many ways still is childlike. She just turned 37 but is so filled with magic, love and can sit for hours playing with little ones. My brother really can't quite understand her because she isn't money focused. For me she has been a huge help emotionally and always has supported me on this journey. When I get down on myself she boosts me up by talking about all that I have accomplished. It's been tough the last while because she has such a full life these days and I rarely see her anymore. Still though, every once in awhile I get a loving text from her checking up on how I'm doing.

The realtor for mom's house called me the other day wanting to sit down and talk about selling my house. Panic set in. As much as I know that it has to be, I just don't want to go there. I have been sick all week with some wierd virus and am having almost asthma like symptoms and am having trouble breathing and I'm too weak to want to take anything else on until I'm through this. I took my oldest to the dentist yesterday and while I was there I thought I'd better let them know that Len would not be returning there. The girl was so apologetic for the calls to the house for him that it brought me to tears. I had to go out and sit in my car for awhile. It's funny how little things can trigger such a huge reaction. Normally I can handle other people's reactions but I guess because I'm feeling so lousy it started the waterworks.

I had a battle with my youngest last night about this house. I said that if we can't figure out a way for them to help me clear it then they are going to have to take on the day to day cleaning and start picking up after themselves. I said there was no way that we could put the house on the market with it looking like it does. She's feeling stressed with work because they have cut her hours back and she has to consider a second job to be able to pay her bills and go to school so she was as emotional about everything as I was. We had gone to pick up something for dinner and when we returned she went upstairs and I went into the office. A few minutes later she came in and said she had forgotten something and gave me a big hug. We sat and had a good heart to heart and I told her how much I loved her. I said that the three of us had to sit down and have a good talk and formulate a game plan since there was no way that I can do it all on my own. She agreed. Now to get my oldest on board. Lol! She's the queen of avoidance and fills every minute of every day with something so that she doesn't have to take on responsibilites around here.

Sheesh, how yakky I am. I guess I should drag myself off to the shower and see if I can manage to get something done today. It's been super hot and muggy which is making it even harder to breathe. Maybe I should go see the doc but I am so stubborn.

Next week I'll tell you some good news. I promise! Lol!

Wishing you sunshine and laughter.

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by debbied2007

16 Sep 2013, 2:38 PM

Hi TracieBugs,

Well, it's been awhile and now I'm ready to post again! It's been a long week, since bringing hubby home! There has been so much demand on me from my family, that I basically fell apart on Friday and Saturday. Somedays, I think that I just can't do it anymore, then have a good cry, pull myself together and move on.  I repeat as often as necessary until I am ready to just get on with it. Which is today!

I saw this on FB and thought of you...not too sure if I posted it already, if I did, then you get to read again :) "isn't it good to know that trying to change someone was a waste of time? The very thought of wanting to change someone is saying they are not good enough as they are, and that thought comes from judgement and disapproval. That's not a thought of appreciation or love, and it can only bring separation between you and that person. Look for the good in people to have more of it appear. As you look for the good things in a person, you will be amazed, stunned and wowed at what happens. If you don't want to look for the good, then don't look at all." - Rhonda Byrne. This made me think of your brother! I know this is something I've done in the past, but slowly but surely, I try to accept family, friends as who they are! It definitely isn't up to me to change them. Goodness, I have enough of a difficult time, trying to change myself!

Well, I hope you are feeling better these days. I hope the weekend brought you sunshine, love and some form of happiness, whether it be in one form or another. It's tough moving on, especially alone. Remember Len and your mom are always by your side, guiding you and helping you make the right decisions and or choices!

Don got home on Wednesday and he slept most of the day. Thursday, I had to go into work to pack up my office, as we are moving to a different floor. I was so relieved one of my staff helped me by making the boxes for me (taping and labelling). Rather than being there for a longer period of time, her helping me cut it by a couple of hours. Then on friday, I had to pick up my daughter to drive her across the city for a scope. Then pick her up from the hospital and drop her off at home.  I felt so burdened by this, as I didn't want to be away from Don too long. But of course, when it was all done, no burden at all. But I did feel the heavy weight of it all, it just didn't go away. Then we had our granddaughter Friday night, as her mom went out for dinner at a friends. Which is all fine, but somedays, I just wish the family would quit depending on me. Then I think...hmmm...wait, one day I will need their help, so I will always help them! We didn't do much on Saturday. Both Saturday and Sunday Don and I had some pretty heavy discussions. We were trying to find our groove, what works best for him, what works best for me...and what works best for us. I'm a very sensitive person; wrong tones, looks, I will take it as disapproval and will break down. As indicated in my heading, I'm the caring, giving nurterer, and he's the independent one! This is a horrible mix when he's the one recovering! Wow!!!! I'm always asking what can I get for you, what can I do for you? Should I do this, get this...? On and on! He finally told me what was going on with his body, which really helped me understand why he's not eating! On Sunday, we came to an agreement - I will not ask him if he needs or wants anything, he is to ask me! I've also decided I need to reframe my questions, so that his answers are not always no to me...because I take the "no's" personally! It's only been one day, but I feel so much better and he's looking a lot more content too! The last time we couldn't work through this, because we had "the houseguest"!   This time it only took two days to work through it, thank goodness. I know we will both have our moments, but that's ok. I'm keeping busy being domesticated; he's still immobile, basically, in our bedroom. I will occassionally go up and watch TV with him, or visit.

Yesterday, I wanted to respond to your post, but thought I would get a few things out of the way. I baked two batches of cookies (chocolate chip and shortbread); cleaned the bathrooms; and then made stew. Then invited my neice over for dinner; had to go pick her up as she is not comfortable driving in the city (she's from the NWT and is down for university). So we spent about 4 hours together; she's such a sweetie, very quiet spoken and tiny. Before you know it, it's time to watch my two favourite shows, Breaking Bad; and Low Winter Sun. At the end of the day, I was exhausted; so I just crawled into bed and fell asleep. So, today, I thought I'd better get this done before I start my day! Oh yes, in between this, our daughter and two grandbabies came to visit; and we had our neighbours children over for a bit to play. So it was a very busy household.

Speaking of neighbour; I saw the lady (I don't know her name); I guess she's being hospitalized right now. Anyway, her sister brought her over in a vehicle. The husband was talking with them outside. Man the lady just looked horrible.  Her head was swaying back and forth, her eyes couldn't keep focused and she was just bawling. She lost so much weight; and her eyes have huge black circles under them. At first, I thought he was abusing her, but after taking a better look I realized it was just dark circles, not bruises. OMG, she just looks horrible. When I told my daughter about this, she said she's probably heavily medicated, which is why she couldn't keep her head from swaying. My heart went out to her at that moment. I guess she is not doing well at all. I'm not too sure if it's a culture thing and her family has to take care of her, or if he's just too busy with the four children, that he can't take care of her.

When the neighbours children were here, they were talking about their mom being in the hospital. I just can't imagine!

Don's eating a wee bit now; not much, but at least he's eating something. Today, my day will consist of more baking and cooking a few meals. It's going to be +27 so I'm going to get as much done as I can this morning, as I won't be able to cook in this heat.  We are enjoying the warm weather, inside our home...LOL!!!!

I, too, was very shy until I met Don! Goodness, when I read your posting, it was like reading about myself. My goodness, I was shy! Every now and then, my introvert takes over, especially in crowds. I'm great on one on one! But put me in a crowd and I just want to hover alone in a corner. It's kind of weird, because I'm ok giving presentations in front of a crowd, but horrible in interacting with a crowd of people! Just plain weird.  You are correct on being in a secure relationship plays a major role in getting our confidence.

Well, I'm going to do some baking with blueberries; make some meatballs; and try to get to the store to get some fur so I can finish my grandbabies mocassins! It's going to be a great day; I'm going to enjoy a book sometime today, out on the deck. I need to just learn to relax and try not to do it all in one day. My list just keeps expanding day after day, as to what I would like to accomplish while I am off work; but not off duty! Take care my friends; sending you warm hugs, positive thoughts, sunshine and smiles! Cheers,

Your friend, Deb

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