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Reply by marstin

17 Sep 2013, 8:13 AM

Hi Deb,

Well, I'm having a sleepless night so I thought I would sit here and write back to you. Sounds like you've had a crazy busy time lately. I think you stole our sunshine. It's been raining here the past few days and it's downright depressing. It was my mom's birthday yesterday and I spent most of it on my own which didn't help. It's probably why I'm still awake because my mind just keeps going in circles. I put something on facebook about it being my mom's birthday and missing her and soon after my niece put a picture of her and my mom together on there and said that she wasn't going to grieve, she was going to celebrate my mom. For some reason it hit a nerve in me and I was a little bit pissed. Never heard a word from her either which irritated me even more because normally she would at least send a text to see if I was okay. The one person in the family that I trusted to always have my back and she has totally deserted me. I told one of my girls the other day that if we ever manage to get out of here that I won't bother letting any of my family know that we had moved on. I try so hard not to feel hurt and let down by them but I am.

So, I told you I would tell you something good this week and now I can. Months ago, Colleen had sent me a link to something called a patient impact challenge to see if I might be interested in it. They wanted you to tell them in 250 words or less on how the ability to access medical info on the internet had helped you. I wasn't sure if I wanted to do it but after going back to it a few times I decided to write about our virtual hospice site. Last week I had a message on my answering machine from a guy who mentioned where he was from. I went on the internet to see what company he was calling for and realized that it was them. I had totally forgotten about it. I called him back the next day and he congratulated me for being in the top ten from all of the entries.Sweet! He then went on to tell me that he wasn't just phoning to congratulate me, he was wanting my address because he was sending me a cheque for $500! Wow, just when I was wondering how I was going to find enough money for my next mortgage payment and knew I would be short. I wasn't allowed to say anything publicly until now so there it is, my little bit of sunshine.

How sad about your neighbor. That poor girl must really be having major problems. I sure hope they can do something for her and help her get back on track. I feel so sorry for her kids and what they must be going through.

Yawn, I think I'm finally getting tired so I guess I should head off to bed and try to sleep. I get myself up at 6 every morning for some silly reason but at least I have my quiet time.

Enjoy your sunshine!

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by debbied2007

20 Sep 2013, 2:26 AM

Hi Tracie,

I hope you are having a better week, than when you posted your message. WOW, CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I'm extremely happy for you and your writings! I knew you had the knack, for chatting and writting! I'm so happy and proud of you.

Goodness, after weeks of gorgeous weather, it went to 13 on Wednesday, and we nearly froze! It was so cold, we had to turn the furnace on! LOL, that was just pure silly! Our highs are now going to be in the late teens and early 20's, so no more summer. I guess fall will be officially here in a few days!

Well, I'm in the bad books with one of my daughters again! I'm so tired of this, it so stressful. She wanted me to take her 1 1/2 year old daughter for the night, and I said no. I'm getting good at that, saying no! Feels good, then of course, I feel guilty. But I stood my ground. She posted something on FB about how "at times like this, I wish my dad or in laws were nearer!" Crumb sakes, we do so much for her and it just never is enough. But then again, she's always been like that.

It's going to be another quiet weekend. Just hubby and I will be home. I'm thinking of making some salsa, brushetta and tomato sauce (canning/jarring). I figure I'll get ahead of the deal, since we won't be going anywhere!

Well, my dear friend, I hope all is well with you. I hope you are feeling better and I'm sending you some sunshine. I haven't checked BC's weather, so unsure if it stopped raining! Take care of yourself. I did think of you on your mom's birthday and hoped all the best for you. Take care,

hugs, sunshine, cheers and a great big smile,

Deb

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Reply by marstin

21 Sep 2013, 1:40 AM

Hi Deb,

Thanks! I was so surprised by what happened just by sharing my love of this forum.

Your weather sounds like ours. The rain did stop here but will be returning tomorrow. Yes, fall is in the air. Usually when I sit in downstairs in the office it's boiling hot, but the past few days I've been considering putting a sweater on. I've even started closing up windows and turning the fans off. Brrr! Looks like summer has disappeared.

Please put the guilt away, there is nothing wrong with saying no. I'm actually really proud of you for doing that. It's not always a one way street and I think sometimes that our kids forget that we count too and a firm 'no' can work wonders. It doesn't mean that they like it but it is a bit of a wake up call for them.

I guess I'm feeling a little better than I did earlier in the week but still having some major depression issues. I had a real meltdown on Tuesday and just cried and cried. I went out later for my Tim Horton's and ran into a guy that was friends with my brother when we were young. We see each other up there once in awhile and his dad had passed a few months before my mom. Anyway, we sat outside and talked for about an hour in the sun, then the rain, then the sun again. Lol! It was just good to have someone to talk to. My mom's sister phoned last night to see how we were doing and was surprised when I said I hadn't heard from anyone on mom's birthday. She was going to call that day but figured everyone else would. I laughed and said that nobody called at all. She just sighed and said that she missed my mom so much and had put a picture of her up that day to talk to her. We talked for over an hour and she said that she wished we lived closer so that she could help us. She's in Saskatchewan.

I took my stepdaughter out for lunch yesterday. It was her birthday on Wednesday. At least she hasn't deserted me and has promised to come in next weekend and help with work around here. Just having someone working side by side with me makes such a difference. Len's friend has disappeared. He left me a message last week saying he was having a rough patch and had fallen off the wagon a few times recently. I messaged him back and still haven't heard from him. Uh oh. I hope he can get back on track. He's such a good guy.

Other than that, not much happening around here. I haven't returned the realtors phone call and just can't seem to bring myself to do it. Thinking of listing just makes me feel sick. I just want to curl up in a ball and hide somewhere. Next week my widow's group resumes so maybe that will help me a bit.

Wow, you are a busy little bee. Doing all of that canning. Len used to do all of the canning here. He used to can salmon, pea soup and blackberry jelly. His mama taught him well. He even used to bake bread. There is still some of his pea soup here and his daughter took jars of it home from years ago and lived to say that it was awesome. Lol! I'm not that courageous.

How's Don feeling? Is he getting stronger? It's great that the two of you can talk things through and figure out what works the best for both. It helps avoid hard feelings.

Well,time to go do something.

Sending you happiness and laughter.

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by debbied2007

24 Sep 2013, 7:07 PM

Hi Tracie,

How are things with you these days? I hope you are feeling great, and getting some sunny weather! Our weather has just been fantastic, I cannot believe what a gorgeous Aug/September we've been having.

Don isn't doing all that great - he isn't eating and is disappearing before my eyes. He's basically bed ridden, so I'm his eyes to the outside world! He doesn't sleep well, and is constantly up at night! Today, he asked me, what I did with that magic pill, he gave me at the hospital...you know, the one that makes him feel better! LOL. At least he still has his sense of humour.

Other than waiting on him, to occupy my days, I've been doing a lot of cooking, baking and canning. It sure is a lot of work, with very little to show for it. I canned 3 larges jars of marinara sauce; 6 small tomato sauce; and 6 small salsa! My kitchen looked like an army kitchen, big pots everywhere, lids all over the place and sauce all over the place. It was quite amusing, but it was fun. I really enjoyed it.

I've been making homemade meals, but he won't eat it, so in order to get him to eat, I've been enticing him with ordered food, which he does it.  Which is all good, at least, he's eating. May not be my yummy home cooking, but he's getting some food in him.

Not much happening these days, as my day is really quite domesticated. My daughter is no longer mad at me (yay), so she keeps threatening to come visit; the youngest one, who stays with us is out most of the time. Which is good, as I really enjoy my evenings alone. Mind you I'm alone all day (as he naps a lot through out the day). So, if I'm not doing the domesticated chores, cooking/cleaning, then I'm reading a book or searching on FB for recipes; which I seem to find a lot of.  As indicated in a previous posting, I love trying new recipes at least once.

I'm so glad you had someone to talk with; at this point, you are basically the only one I chat with (other than Don); so I guess you hear it all. So once again, thanks!

Well, I should get busy. I have to go into work againi this week. I'm not looking forward to that, as I'll be back at work next week, YUCK!!!! Not too sure what to make for dinner tonight, but I'm sure I'll think of something.

Sending you a big hug, laughter and lots of smiles and sunshine!

Deb

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Reply by marstin

25 Sep 2013, 8:48 AM

Hi Deb,

Well here I am again having another of those sleepless nights. I can crawl into bed exhausted and then my mind starts going in a hundred directions and I'm wide awake. Worry,worry, worry. This stupid house and all of it's stuff. I just can't seem to make much progress with it. I swear that if we ever get out of here we'll be travelling really light. I don't ever again want to be surrounded by stuff again. I had truly hoped we would have been out from under all of this by the end of summer and now fall is here and I worry that we're coming into a bad time of year to try to sell. I need a miracle. The money has run out and then I get a call from the guy with my second mortgage wondering if I had any idea when I'm going to list the house. I didn''t talk to him but I guess I'll have to call him back tomorrow. Sorry, that's my big rant for the night.

Ha!Ha! I can actually picture your kitchen with all the pots and pans and tomato sauce all over the place. You do keep busy. I can't seem to find much joy in cooking these days but I'm doing more of it lately to keep costs down.

This surgery must have been really tough on Don. I guess with all that he has been through that he's exhausted. Poor guy. At least he's eating something even if it's take out food. Do you have a date for his next surgery in October? Hopefully he will have his energy back before then,

Other than working around here and trying to find things to sell on craigslist, my days have been pretty dull. I thought that maybe I would hear from my brother since his wife's away on one of her many holidays but not a word. Oh well, I guess he'd just come over and sneer at Len some more so it's probably better that he stays away. I hope my stepdaughter keeps her promise and comes over on the weekend to help out. I had a stern talk with my oldest tonight and told her that they are going to step up and help get this place cleared out. I think she finally got it. I swear that kids these days are so much younger in many ways than we were at their age and far lazier.

Tomorrow (or I guess I should say today) my meetings start up again. I hope that it helps my mental state a bit. I actually miss having the one on one apppintments where I could just spill it all. It's nice though to talk with other people that are going through similar things.

Did your daughter find a job? Ha!Ha! You're back in the good books with the other one are you? I don't ever remember giving birth to these kids and signing anything that said that we would be their personal whipping post and yet they think it's their god given right. I always tell mine that their time will come and they will have children that think it's their right to talk back and be rude. Their response is 'I wasn't being rude'. oh yea.

Well my friend I think it's time that I tried sleeping again. I think we're supposed to get a couple of days of sun after having mostly rain so that should perk things up.

Hugs to you,
Tracie

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Reply by debbied2007

26 Sep 2013, 8:57 PM

Hi Tracie,

Well, keeping busy keeps my mind busy too; I find myself going into a bit of a depression! If I don't keep busy, then all I would do is sleep. I want to get some baking done today, but just can't get up to do it. I've also been quite emotional; any little thing he says, and I burst out crying. I'm watching him wither away before my eyes. He's quite tall (about 1 foot taller than me...obviously, I'm quite short); and his waist is getting to be smaller than mine :( I'm worried, but he says, this is the down part and he's not out, he just needs to get past this!!!! I guess he saw the worry in my eyes!

I'm glad your meetings start up again; it's tough when they put everything on hold for the summer; like your pain and need for talking just goes on a vacation too!

YES, my daughter finally found a job.   We had a chat about her recent actions, and she said she basically fell apart, after pulling herself back together when she fell off her meds! She just couldn't get it together, no matter how hard she tried. I guess that's a part of her illness. I'm going for lunch tomorrow with my two oldest girls. They are both in the city for the day. The 2nd oldest is expecting, and the doctor's are sending her here to get an ultra sound. I'm sure I'll find out tomorrow why!!! Never a dull moment in our lives hey????? The oldest is just picking her sister up from the airport and driving her around. So I promised them banana/blueberry bread. Mom's never stop giving hey??? I agree with you about the "children/kids" now a days.  But, I take full responsibility for the way my girls are. I taught them to stand up for themselves, because I wasn't raised that way! I also taught them to speak their mind, which blows up in my face way too often. However, I know they do speak their minds, politely too....just not to mom :0

I hope your daughters help you out with your home! I'm sending you a lot of positive vibes/thoughts to get you through this hard time right now. I know it seems like it always is "hard times" but one day, you will look back and realize how strong you were (and still are) because not only did you live through it, you fared pretty darn good through it too! I keep trying to remember the "good old days" when things were so easy and my life was quite simple. I'm not too sure for the reason we are put in our current situations, but I know I will find out one day...I always seem to find out the "why".

I just re-read my posting, and my depression is shining through. I could just sit her all day and just bawl my eyes out.  Right now they still hurt from this mornings cry. Geesh, I need to pull myself together. I was feeling sorry for myself this morning, thinking I'm always the caregiver, ever since I was a little girl and had to help raise my brother's and sisters. I guess that's why Don and I are together. The higher power knew he would need someone someday, who gives and gives. Mind you, he's been taking care of me for a majority of our relationship.  So, it's time to give back.

I spoke with my mom last night; the good news is her cancer is now in remission. She would like to visit us, but at this time,I just can't think of a good time for her to visit.  Hubby has another surger on October 22, then afterwards, 6 bouts of chemo every 21 days. I guess I'll research the internet for flights and get her down here to visit!

Well, I hope your session went well and you managed to get it all out...for now...take care my dear friend. I am sending you a big hug, positive thoughts, sunshine, smiles and prayers. Take care,

Deb

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Reply by marstin

27 Sep 2013, 2:39 AM

Hi Deb,

I had a feeling that all was not well with you. I think part of it is that we are quite similar so I can read between the lines. I so understand that it's either the frenzy of activity or the deep depression that stops you in your tracks. Have you talked to Don's doctor lately to see what he thinks is going on? I can hear the fear in the words you write and I wish that I could comfort you somehow. Just know that I'm here for you and ready to listen. You're not feeling sorry for yourself, you're just plain scared. I get it. Just close your eyes and mentally picture yourself curled up on your daddy's lap and remember how safe and secure that felt.

My session went quite well. It's strange though that each time I start to talk, I find myself fighting off tears and have to pause in what I'm saying. I don't even feel emotional until I speak so it catches me off guard. First session you have to tell your story and I think that's what unhinges me. I try not to dwell on it day to day so speaking it is a huge reminder of all that I've lost. Anyway, the rest of it went well. Still though, I find myself in a bit of a slump for the rest of the day.

Well, that should be good to get together with your two oldest daughters. I hope you all have fun. I laugh at you saying that mom's never stop giving. I spent part of my day taking the fish tank out of my youngest's room and dumping it all out. She stopped taking care of the tank when Len got sick since he always helped her clean it and although I tried at one point to clean it enough to be able to tell if anything was still alive in it, she didn't keep up the cleaning or feeding the one lonely fish that was still alive. I'm positive nothing could live in that filth and without food for so long so I figured enough was enough. It took a long time to clean the gross thing out. I'm not going to tell her that it's done, I'll wait and see if she notices. She always left distastful things to her dad and he'd jump right in there and help her do it. Mom's not quite so easy on her which is why the tank has sat so long. I've always encouraged them to be independant but Len loved having all of us dependant on him so it was a struggle.

That's good news about your mom being in remission. Maybe some time with her will be just what you need and you can have a good visit.

A guy was here today buying a rock grinder and he was telling me about his son having cancer at just 4 years old. It took so long to figure it out and by then it was everywhere and they didn't give him any hope. One doctor out of the team talked about a new form of chemo that was a long shot but they decided to try it anyway. Long story short, by the time it was all done there wasn't a cancer cell left in him and he went off to kindergarden. Miracles do happen.

You know, I do believe that people are put in others lives for a reason. The years I had with Len gave me so much and I would do it all over again given the chance. I am so thankful for the strangers and acquaintances that have passed through my life and given me reason to believe that there are good people out there even if they aren't family. This journey has taught me so much and although I'll never be the same, I have stretched and grown so much.

Did I tell you that my youngest has moved back into her room? She's been with me since Len passed away and so this is quite the challenge for her. I asked how she feels being back in there and she said it was okay but she seemed a little nervous about it. I guess I should tell her that she can come back in anytime she feels the need but it's a huge step for her. She still has nightmares and panic attacks so I wouldn't be surprised to wake up one morning and find her there.

Well sweet friend, I guess I should go find something to eat. Wishing you laughter and sunshine.

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by debbied2007

27 Sep 2013, 5:32 AM

Hey Tracie,

Well, a sleepless night for me. My doctor has prescribed me sleeping pills, but I refuse to take them...I don't know why I have to be so stubborn about taking them. I just don't want to be groggy the next morning. It would be so easy to fall into that sleep all day mode, that I resist daily. Today, I stayed in bed until 2:00 pm...I never stay in bed that long. I'm up at 5:30/6:30 am, depending on the mood and 6:30 is late! I didn't do a damn thing this afternoon. I really need to get out of this funk, it's driving me crazy...my house is a mess...but I did manage to go visit my daughter and grandbabies; spend time with my granddaughter who lives with us; and bake muffins this evening.  My drive to make the muffins is due to seeing my girls tomorrow...YAY!!!!

I bawled when I read your posting! It's so hard to be so caring, so strong and yet feel so weak at the same time. I of course, am relating this to my emotional outbreaks and your sessions.  You are such a strong person, I so admire you! I've always been one of those people who wears their heart on their sleeves.  I don't mean to put you on the spot, but that is how I perceive you! Through the rough times, you always have that extra special "give" to give to those who are in need. And damn, I'm needy these days.  this is just my perception, because I'm so used to giving and not getting! That's ok, I know...

I talked with Don today about his symptoms, and yes, this is normal. He said the surgeon said it could take up to 6 months before his GI system is back to normal. He's eating more each day, but he also has his days where food is not interesting at all.  Today he wanted chicken cordon blue...so I prepared it with mashed potatoes...he actually ate the whole CCB and the potatoes I gave him...but he didn't have any dinner

I guess for every step forward, there is 2 steps backwards.

It is strange how our emotions take over us, especially at the most in opportune time.  But, I do believe, our bodies and mind is telling us something. Grieving is one of the most difficult porcesses we need to go through, but it still has to happen. I've noticed I'm always speaking in the 2 or 3rd person; I guess I don't want to offend you, which means I'm feeling vulnerable right now, so I do apologize for this...geesh, I keep trying to not make it about me, and wish to be there for you too!

These days, I've been taking care of my granddaughter...which is quite weird, because, her mom seems to be stable...which I guess, leads to an active life...which leads to grandma taking care of grandbaby...not weird at all...hmmmmmmm....guess I'm just a convenient babysitter, nothing bad about this, but I guess I'm HAPPY!!!

Well, the daughter, 2nd youngest is going to apply for the Edmonton Police Service...wow, I'm so happy right now!!!! Currently, she owns her own cleaning business, but wants to help those in need; she wanted to take correctional services, but that was full. So now she's focusing on policing...wow!!!! She is such a bright girl, so when she went into hair dressing, I was a bit disappointed; then she started her own business, so I was happy about that, but now...well, let's hope she follows through!

Tracie, I hope you are doing ok - you are always there for me, I would like to return the gesture.

Your posting was very comforting as always. It's so great to hear from you, cheers my dearest friend, sending you lots of hugs, sunshine and smiles!!!!!

Deb

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Reply by marstin

30 Sep 2013, 6:03 AM

Hi Deb,

How did things go with your daughters? Did you have lots of laughs? I sure hope so.

You're so cute, You can't offend me, you're far too sweet. I'm what I used to call other people, a 'toasted marshmallow'. I appear tough on the outside but on the inside I'm all mushy. I wish my kids would figure that out so that they would quit attacking me. I had a battle with my youngest last night and although she is normally really kind, she can be a little bit selfish. It started off with her asking if I could buy her a hamper for her room (not sure why she can't do that) so that her clothes didn't get buried by her sister's mountains of clothes. I was stressed because both the washer and the dryer are threatening to quit. One thing led to another and I blew up about how neither of them so much as picks up a dish around here, let alone helps get this place ready to put it on the market. Her response was that she goes to school and work and that I don't work so I have no idea what it's like. I was furious. I told her that they had had months of warning that I needed help and now here we were at the end of our money and no closer to getting out of here. She stomped off to her room and I headed downstairs. I had so many things I wanted to say so it was better that we went our own ways. It frustrates me so badly that they just don't get it. I talked to the older one today and said that I had done a printout of how much money goes out each month, and that it should be a wakeup call as to how much money we wasted by allowing me to try to do this all on my own. We should have been done long ago. She was a little more understanding and offered to work with me on Wednesday since she doesn't work that day and school is in the evening. My stepdaughter asked me yesterday what our mortgage cost each month and she was shocked. She said' Wow! We have to get you out of there. Mine is a third of what yours is'.

My young one went out the other night to look at a car. Her car bit the dust the week before. Well, she came home with one (good thing her dad and I had put a bit of money aside for them years ago) and was so excited. She went up to her room to grab something, then came running downstairs and said,'Mom, my fish tanks gone?' I said yes and she said 'Who did it?'. Her jaw dropped when I said I had done it. Yes, little one your mom does many things that you normally don't notice. Lol! She was thrilled.

Nothing else new around here. My stepdaughter was supposed to come out to help me this weekend but she was exhausted and postponed it till next weekend. It's been a pretty crumby weekend anyway with lots of wind and rain so I just puttered around here.

I get what you say about the sleeping pills. My doctor gave me antidepressants months ago (he's good at giving samples so that I don't have to spend money on prescriptions) and I have yet to touch them, I'm afraid to not be totally clear headed although maybe I would feel better able to deal with things if I took them. It would be nice to not have to feel so much but I have to stay strong until we're out of this mess.

That's awesome news about your daughter. Huge switch in careers. Sometimes they just have to figure out what their true path is. My oldest is focused on being a paralegal although she loves working retail. The young one is in a psychology program but really enjoys working at a juice bar. I can only hope that they keep moving in the direction of real careers and not get sidetracked but I guess that's up to them to decide. I just keep telling them that they have to get really good jobs so that they can support their old mother. Ha!Ha! I am so proud of how they have managed to stay on track in spite of what they have gone through and only missed a few days off of work when Len passed and took no time off of school and work when my mom passed. Strong young ladies.

So good to hear that Don was able to reassure you about why he's not eating like he normally does. That must give you some peace of mind.

Well my friend I think it's bedtime. Hopefully I can climb in and actually fall asleep.

Hope you're still having sunshine. Ours comes back later in the week.

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by marstin

11 Oct 2013, 5:45 PM

Hi Deb,

Just tiptoeing in to see if you're okay. When you're silent for awhile I get worried. Did you manage to arrange things to have your mom come out for a visit? I hope Don is starting to get stronger so that he can have his next surgery.

So, I went back to the doctor and got a prescription for a really mild antidepressant. I took one and felt so off the next day that I haven't taken them again. I might give them another try this weekend to see if I can get back to facing this house and moving forward on clearing it. Right now I'm feeling very 'stuck' and just want to run away from everything. My stepdaughter was so shocked when I told her that I hadn't taken anything up until now.

Oh yay, we get to spend Sunday with the family at my nephew's house. The only reason I accepted the invitation is because I enjoy my nephew's wife's company. She seems to be the only one in the family that doesn't stand back and judge us. She would like to spend more time with us but with 3 little ones, her busy schedule and the half hour drive keeps us apart. I truly thought that I would hear something from my brother while his wife was away for 3 weeks on a holiday but he didn't so much as pick up the phone. Nothing from my niece either and yet she only lives 2 minutes away. What a wonderful family. They make me feel so loved. HaHa!

Money has become a huge issue around here and I'm struggling to keep us going. I still haven't received the money I won which would at least allow us to go get a big grocery order. The clearance on my mom's estate hasn't come through either so we can't move ahead or even consider putting this place on the market. Funny thing is, I talked to a friend of mine (her dad passed away just before Len) and she said they had gotten their clearance months ago and just now sold his house. Our lawyer wouldn't apply for it until the house was sold. Seems a little fishy to me. She also said that they had released their lawyer long ago so something tells me it's all about our lawyer trying to get every penny he can from us. Of course I don't dare say a word to my idiot brother since he doesn't care or need the money and will only blow up at me again.

My meetings started back up a few weeks ago, so that was a good thing. At the one this week, while we were having a break, I mentioned about my brother talking Len down nearly every time I saw him. This one guy who is very calm and quiet half jumped out of his chair in outrage. All I could say was that I think that Len intimidated him by doing so much more for my parents than he ever did and the guilt eats at him. I guess money can't buy a good son.

Not much else happening here. I've been selling things off on craigslist to clear some more space in the garage and the house and to have grocery money. I'm beginning to think that I might just have to take the pressure off of myself (providing the estate money comes in soon) and just resign myself to waiting until after Christmas is over to put the house up for sale. It will cost me big time to do it though and I wanted to use the money to get us into a new place. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what feels right when the time comes.

Well, the sunshine is calling me and Bella is circling me wanting to get outside so I guess I should go.

When you have time, no hurry, drop me a line to let me know you're okay please.

Hugs,
Tracie

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