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Reply by debbied2007

26 Oct 2013, 4:41 AM

Hi Tracie,

I'm always so amazed with your quick response; and your postings a nice and long, so that it isn't a short read! I like that, I usually go back a couple times to reread before I respond to you. I read my previous response and your response, just to remind myself what our topic of discussion included! I'm amazed by your responses, as it takes me such a long time to respond, because I really have to think long and hard as to what i'm going to say :)

Yes, our granddaughter has a very special place in our hearts. So do all the other grandbabies, but because we've helped raise her we have an extra special bond. It was so funny yesterday; her and her mom come in from the day home; she's asking her mom a question, then starts bawling. I asked her what's wrong, her mom says, she wants to eat out, but I told her I had no money so told her no! LOL...I said you don't have to wish to go out to eat, grandma will take you out! AND of course, we invited her mom! It was good, because I was wishing to go out, but because Don hasn't built up his strength my dinners out are usually alone!

I am very happy the surgery part is over and done with - the pathology will take about 3 weeks; but basically, we have no worries. Chemo is next, 6 bouts every 21 days. He's not looking forward to it at all!  So now we are talking about taking a vacation in May 2014; that seems so far off, but with all the holidays coming up and his chemo, I'm sure the time will fly by.

Forgivness is such a tough and yet freeing gesture! I know I have a lot of forgiving to do, but like you, it will happen without me knowing it's happened. The biggest one is my dad's wife. Oh man, Tracie, she was pure evil to me and my family. She wrote the euology, and basically skipped over his first family...like we never existed or happened! I was in such grief I didn't notice for a few months. I see pictures of her on facebook and she is not aging well. Oh well, enough about her - I'm sure your forgiving your brother has a lot to do with how he looked the last time you saw him. I hope he is ok, and if he isn't that he is getting the "medical attention" he needs.

...and yet another stranger to the rescue! There are kind people out there, I know!!!! Because we are kind hearted too, so we know we exist!!!! LOL.

I love it when our angel's come to visit us! Every now and then my grandma or grandpa visits me in my dreams. Those moments are cherished, as I miss them so much.

Well, today is the 5 year anniversary of my dad's passing. It was a good day; last night was a tough night, because I really didn't want the day to come. But it's a lot easier than what I expected. it was around this time he passed. I posted his obit on facebook and received quite a few hugs and kind words. Then on Wednesday, is my step dad's 4 year anniversary. For awhile there, October was a horrible month; but to even it out, one of my grandsons was born in October; I thanked my daughter for having him in early Oct as it helped with the pain of going through the anniversaries.

Today was a good day too - we ended up going out for lunch. Then I made dinner this evening. As I was making dinner I was thinking "if you told me one year ago, that I would be home on a friday night...and making dinner, I would have laughed at you and said, yeah RIGHT!"  Our friday night tradition was to go to one of our 3 favourite pubs, have a few beer and eat appetizers. LOL.  Life throws you curves, you just need to learn to bend this and that way!

I've gotten so lazy these days! I've got so much to do, but just can't muster up the motivation to get any of it done! I guess when I'm back at work, I'll think about all the stuff I wanted to get done over the summer and realize that nothing got done. It's supposed to snow on Sunday, so I have to winterize my deck and yard tomorrow. I have run out of time!

Well my dear friend, I hope all is well with you! I didn't look at Vancouver's weather, so unsure if you received sunshine today. Take care of yourself, sending you hugs, sunshine, positive vibes and a huge SMILE! Take care,

Deb

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Reply by marstin

26 Oct 2013, 4:20 PM

Hi Deb,

I think that the reason that my responses are quick and detailed is because I'm long winded and I do my talking by typing. Lol!

I find anniversaries are always feared. Most for me are never as bad as I expect them to be but hit me in the butt days after. Today for me is an anniversary of sorts. It was 25 years ago today that I had a massive heart attack and was on my way out until a wise nurse brought me back to the land of the living. It is still etched in my mind but I also met Len very soon after and within a few months my oldest was conceived. I believe I was meant to live this life but I'm still not sure of what my purpose is.

Your relationship with your granddaughter reminds me of the one that I had with my niece. She was the light of my life and we were always so incredibly close. I guess that's why now I feel so crushed that she deserted me at such a painful time. Her mom was never much of a mother and so I took on that role and always was there to bring her comfort. Maybe someday she will regret what she has done but she has severed that bond and I don't think there's much hope of repairing it. It makes me very sad.

I'm sure your stepmom has had time to reflect on the pain she inflicted on you and maybe life has taught her some invaluable lessons. People do dumb things when they are grieving. I didn't have to worry about my mom's obituary being done wrong because my brother left that up to me. He didn't even want to do one or have a memorial for her. I felt such satisfaction when her house overflowed with people coming to pay their respects and my brother stood with his mouth open. He had no idea of how many peoples hearts that she had touched because he wasn't really present in her life. I look back now on that time and chuckle that I guess he thought I was a pro at these things, having just gone through it with Len, and so he left it all up to me. I don't know what is wrong with him but our younger years were pretty scarring, my dad physically abused my mom then in later years verbally abused her, so that might be part of what is wrong with him. I became the one who roared and he ran away from anything that caused friction.

This stranger thing is pretty amazing. I guess that my problem is that everyone has expected me to reach out to them if I need something. I have never been good at asking anyone for help and have learned through this whole process that for many people the 'let me know if you need anything' is generally nothing more than lip service. When you're broken it's very difficult to ask for help. Maybe not for some but feeling so much less than in my family, has made me feel undeserving of anyone's help. My dad talked me down and now my brother looks down on me and yet I know I am so much stronger than their opinions. They could never deal with what I have gone through and still be standing. Am I making sense?

You and I are in the same laziness boat. It's like I told the mortgage guy the other day, I need a vacation away from all of this. I have such a love hate relationship with this place. I look around and see Len working at making this old place into something that he took pride in and yet I see all of the crap he gathered over the years and the half jobs that he never completed that cause me so much stress. If I could have a wish, it would be to get this house cleared and finished and find the money to pay off my mortgages and stay here. So far this isn't looking possible and I'm having so much trouble trying to motivate myself to keep pushing ahead on clearing it out. I know I have to get at it but I'm exhausted. I need a motivator! Lol!

Last night I thought that I had a spider or something tickling the back of my wrist and got a little freaked. When I looked down and tried to brush away whatever it was, I realized that there was nothing there and the sensation continued for a few seconds more. I felt like it was my mom, not Len, but I don't know why. She keeps popping up lately and I try hard not to think about her too much. I'm not ready yet to deal with all of these things.

Well, it's a gloomy day here in BC which makes me want to just climb back into bed and not deal with the day. No! I am going to go into that stupid suite and get to work and make some progress. It's really ticking me off. My stepdaughter was supposed to come over on Thursday night to work with me but she cut her thumb doing dishes on Wednesday night and had to go get stitches. I keep thinking that I'm supposed to be learning something from all of these people not being able to give assistance but I'm not sure what it is. I can't believe that I should be expected to do all of this on my own. Sheesh! Now I'm talking crazy.

Anyway, it's time to hit the shower and get to work.
I hope the snow bypasses you and you get only sunshine!

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by debbied2007

03 Nov 2013, 2:33 AM

Hi Tracie,

It's been such awhile since I responded...but I'm here! I hope all is well with you and I hope you are finding your groove to get through what you need to get through.  Ahhhk, my laziness continues, I just can't get it together, and it isn't like me...usually, I'm such a neat freak...however, my latest passion...was...menu planning. Took me 3 days to plan a two week menu then go shopping for groceries, but by day 4 I was sick of the "planning" and all the extra food that is wasted.

I'm back at work full time...and they have put me in a different position, as of Monday. However, as of Friday, my new manager didnt' contact me...so I have no idea who I am reporting to. OMG, this is just too bizarre! At least, for now, it alleviates some stress, how...I really don't know at this point!

It's snowing right now...but the temp is warm enough, so when it falls on the pavement, it melts!

As I read your last posting, I was TRULY amazed at everything that you've been through!!! In fact, I was speechless. I cannot imagine going through all that you've been through...and live to tell about it. Those have only touched my life, I've never experienced them personally, and yet, I fall apart...I just say WOW!!! You are truly a strong person!

Well, my dear friend, as I said earlier, I'm ok. Hubby is doing well, we are trying to get out and do more, which is good. sorry for such a short message, but I didn't want it to be too long between postings. Take care, hugs, sunshine and great big smiles,

Deb

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Reply by marstin

03 Nov 2013, 4:15 AM

Hi Deb,

As usual I was so excited to get a message from you. I love your menu planning idea! I have tried to do things like that around here but it never works out. The girls are always grumbling that there's nothing to eat in this house and being the good mom that I try to be, I run out and buy all of this food that I think that they want. I then try to plan great meals only to be met with them being on the go all week and never finding their way home for dinner. So, the meat gets stuck in the freezer, the fresh vegetables go bad and I just make myself a sandwich or something like that. I hate cooking for one. I did finally make a pot of spaghetti sauce the other day and by some miracle they both came home at some point during the night and had dinner. I so miss the days of cooking for the family and taking leftovers to my mom for her next nights dinner.

Well, work sounds like it's going to be quite interesting for you. Sheesh! You'd think they'd at least let you know who your manager is. Sounds a little crazy.

Today we've had a day of pouring rain. I was going to do a bunch of things and then decided that I just wanted to eat, sleep and watch tv. Lol! Both of the girls worked today and are out now for the evening. I sure wish I could figure out something to do with someone once in awhile. It gets pretty lonely especially at night and Bella doesn't converse very well. Lol!

Ah, my life. I don't ever remember a time when things were easy. I think the happiest times were after my girls were born and I had a reason for being. My dad and my brother's wife had lots to say about it when I got pregnant the first time. My dad's heart totally melted though when he met his tiny ( 3lbs. 4 oz) granddaughter. The second time wasn't much better ( it was an oops pregnancy) and when the subject of abortion came up, it cemented the deal and I chose to have my other little girl. My mom smiled and said 'I knew you would have this baby'. She never judged and totally loved those girls.

So, there must have been a blue moon in the sky yesterday. My niece texted me and asked if I wanted to meet for coffee. My youngest was excited about it and so I said sure. Then she texted me back and asked if I wanted to do lunch too and I said that I couldn't afford it but coffee sounded good. She offered to pay for lunch and I declined.I didn't want to owe her anything. Just before we left to meet her, my youngest started talking about how long it had been since we had seen her and started to get very angry. All of the emotions that I have been bottling up over it came spilling out of her mouth. Wow! As I said to her, 'I've gotten past the pain of her deserting us when we needed her the most, gotten past the anger and now it just doesn't matter any more'. She agreed with me. How sad. Anyway, we met her for coffee and she seemed a little nervous at first. We chatted for about an hour but I think she could feel that the dynamic had changed. Her loving, always there aunt was not so warm and fuzzy. We had an okay visit. She told me that the last time she had seen her dad and stepmom that the stepmom was going on and on about how strong of a person I was. Unbelievable! I wasn't left with much choice with all of my family deserting me and the girls. Anyway, as we were saying goodbye she said she wouldn't wait so long to get in touch with me again. I just smiled and said, 'Yea, we might be moved if you wait that long again and you wouldn't know where to find us'. She got a funny look on her face and I just walked away. Okay, so I am still hurt by it all. I thought that it was because she had a new guy in her life but he's away two weeks at a time so it's not that. It's a funny thing because she deflected every time that I talked about clearing the house and said that her brother should come and help me. Yea, him that has 3 little ones 6 & under, works full time and lives half an hour away versus her that lives 3 minutes away and works part time and has no responsiblilties.

I talked to Len's younger brother today for the first time in about 9 months. Another one who left me stranded on my own. He asked what work needed to be done around here when I brought the subject up and then said he wasn't good at doing finishing work on houses and said that his wife's brother might be able to do it. Lol! It must have run in that family. So much attention to doing things the right way but never finishing them off and not doing their stupid taxes. I gave him hell when Len passed away to get his taxes done, divorce his first wife and get all of his ducks in a row so that his partner wouldn't go through the same hell as me. He did get his divorce at least. He is so much like Len. I must admit that the similarities bother me. He works in the same line of work as Len ( he got him his first job in the mining industry) for about the last 5 years that Len was alive. He's now been laid off and is struggling to find another good paying job in the same industry and is having no success. Just like Len. He's also the next brother in line at risk for cancer. I'm sure it scares the tar out of him.

Well, enough yakking. I'm off in search of something to eat. Lol!

Hope your snow keeps melting as it comes down so that you don't have to shovel or try to get around in that stuff. Can you tell that I hate snow? It snows, I hide in the house and don't drive anywhere.

Hugs to you,
Tracie

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Reply by debbied2007

04 Nov 2013, 3:15 AM

Hi Tracie,

It sure was nice to wake up to your nice long posting this morning.   We also work up to lots and lots of snow!!! Wow, I guess it will be here for a few days, but it's supposed to go above 0 later this week, and should melt the white stuff. Makes for very slippery roads too!

Menu planning is a FARCE!!! I really enjoyed the planning and getting the recipes together, however, I have to admit, it limits you as to your creativity - I like to make different recipes each day. I usually think about what to make for dinner through out the day, and then look for the recipe to make either the same night, or later in the week. But planning a two week menu...well...isn't for me.

I know what you mean when the girls say there is nothing to eat...I'm sure you have plenty of food in the house, but just not convenient or perhaps junk food. I used to go through that with the kids...they would look in our full fridge and say, why isn't there anything to eat. While there would be veggies, fruit, casseroles to heat up, sandwich meat...just no canned soup, or ready made sandwiches...or potato chips. Crazy kids hey! I know what you mean about cooking for one...it's tough, especially if you were used to cooking for the family, and leftovers for lunch or your mom. I still find it hard to scale back recipes, at one time I was cooking for six, now we are down to 2, sometimes 4. But for some reason our granddaughter doesn't like my cooking. She's getting really picky...doesn't like peanut butter (neither do I, but this is recent for her); doesn't like beef, but will eat chicken and pork. Doesn't like potatoes, but will eat fries.  She'll eat veggies but is also picky about that. Some days, I'm actually making 2 meals...one for her and one for us.

Reading your posting about a reason for being when you had your children...well, TracieBugs you still have a reason for being. Goodness, look at all what you went through. I'm not too sure if you know what it is, if you don't, it will appear one day. I think that everything that I've gone through has helped me to be the strong person I am today, for my hubby. I never ever imagined I would have to care for anyone. When we were up north taking care of my father, during his last days, I just couldn't imagine being his wife and having to do that for the last 5 years, only to watch him die. I give her credit for the love and joy she gave him...at the expense of his children. But she did love him with all her heart and it showed in her care for him during his last 3 months as he deteriorated in his health. I digress, anyway. I think for now, my reason for being is to help my hubby so he can get better. Sometimes, I look at our life and STILL am shocked we are going through this. We actually had the world in our hands, we had such a great life; and now he's fighting for his life, so we can have it again. I think the lesson here is that NO, we didn't have the world in our hands and we needed to be shown that life can be whisked away from you at any given moment. Take advantage of those precious moments you have with loved ones and make each second count!

Reading your posting about your pregnancy and the opinios of others makes me...well...just a little protective. However, there is nothing I can do...it's all over with, so I guess I should just smile :)...there!

Well, I'm really happy you got to see your niece; I'm happy your daughter vented and you listened. At least you got to spend some time with her and let her know you are not happy with her. I hope she realizes what's she missing out on!

Being deserted...I can relate only too well. The lonliness, well, I can relate on a different level. I know the nights are the toughest, especially as winter is approaching and the nights are going to get longer.

We've been going out each day. I took friday afternoon off, our granddaughter was sick with a bad cold so she stayed home with grandpa in the morning. So in the afternoon, she was feeling a bit better so we took her to our National Park about 1/2 hour away, Elk Island (it's not an acutal island). We went and toured and saw some bison; a few muskrat; she used my phone to take pictures, while grandpa took pictures with his nifty camera!

Like I said earlier, we try to get out each day, even for a little bit. Saturday, we had a bit of a lazy day.  With this menopause thingy, my memory is so bad. I'm sitting here, trying to think what we did on Saturday, and I just can't remember....it was only yesterday! ArGGGGGGHHHHH. I know we had our granddaughter most of the day, until I contacted her mom to come home as we were going to head out. Anyway, today, Don and I went out for lunch; then had a drive around the city to look for places where he can take pictures. His latest hobby is taking pictures...of birds, sunsets, animals...any animal. We have a rabbit that resides in our yard, so he's taken a few pics of him as it turns from various colours to white!

So how are you adjusting to this hour back stuff. It feels like it should be later...but it isn't...LOL.

I talked with my mom on Friday...that was the day her husband, my step dad passed away in 2009. I asked how she was doing and she seemed ok. I started talking about my menopause and she just chuckled. Then she started talking about what she went through, so this opened the door for me to ask questions (previously she wouldn't talk about it with me); so I guess this will go on for about 1 year, then will slowly diminish over year 2. I told her, 2 years I can deal with...10, nope. Don asks me continously whether I'm hot or cold. LOL.  I've actually been monitoring the hot spells (shortly after hot comes the really cold spells); and they can be every hour or every half hour...and usually within 10 minutes. Having one right now...LOL.

It's so strange right now. Our daughter and granddaughter stays at her boyfriends most evenings. So it's usually just hubby and I...and our cats! They also don't communicate with me...only to let me know they are hungry or want to be petted!

Well, I finally got off my duff today and partially cleaned! I did about 5 loads of laundry; vaccumed the living room and stairs; swept and mopped the dining room and kitchen and front foyer; we had weiners (dinner of champions) for dinner tonight. I was too lazy to cook, geesh, after all that hard work, a gormet meal is out of the question.

I just remembered why I was talking about my mom...LOL...she wants to spend Christmas with us; I'm so excited about that! The only thing is we do not know when his chemo will start and what days they will be. Once this is known, then I can start planning her trip. My daughter is also having her baby around the 20th Dec, and I want to go and visit once my granddaughter is born; I probably won't go until January. My first grandbaby I won't see immediately after she is born. I'm actually quite sad about that!

Well, I hope your day had sunshine in it, whether it was by direct sunlight or some other way! Tomorrow is a work day, but first, I have a doctors' appointment. She wasn't happy about my high blood pressure the last time I saw her so I'm back to going back once a month! ARGGGG. LOL. Take care my dear friend, I think of you often,

Cheers! Deb

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Reply by marstin

09 Nov 2013, 3:23 AM

Hi Deb,

You are such a grandma! Making two meals was my mom's thing and my oldest still tries to manipulate me into carrying that tradition on. Not happening my dear. Lol! Wait until I have grand babies and then I'll do the same thing.

I totally dislike this time of year with the colder weather and the darkness. I find it so depressing. The first morning of the time change, I got up at my usual time and got the coffee going only to realize that it was 5:30 not 6:30. I just shook my head at myself and stayed up anyway and drank my coffee and played on the computer.

What a rollercoaster week this was. I don't know if I told you that Len had left his taxes undone for 3 or 4 years. He had worked some really high paying jobs for a few of those and was scared at how much he would have to pay. I finally took everything I could find to an accountant to see how bad it was. (I wanted to start with a clean slate when we get out of here.) Well, his worst fears were realized and I just about got sick. The accountant was really kind and did all that he could do to bring the total down but the total, well, it's many,many thousands. My stepdaughter was coming over that day to work around here and when I told her the news, she just came and sat with me and we talked for hours. The accountant doesn't know how it will all unfold since Len has passed away so I guess I just wait and see what happens. I went back to the accountant today to pick up the forms to send in. I told him the story of when Len passed away and he was so sad about it. We talked for awhile then he asked if I would write him a cheque for $800 for his services. He's a funny little man and when I first went in he asked me for $250 in cash since he doesn't take debit or credit cards. I gave it to him and heard nothing else about the costs involved. Call me dumb, I have no idea about these things. Anyway, I nearly choked and explained to him that I had no money right now and was waiting on the money from my mom's estate. He asked what I could give him at this point and I had to tell him that I had scraped together everything I had just to make my mortgage payment. I did tell him that I would call the lawyer's office next week to get an advance on my inheritance. I was really hoping I wouldn't have to do that. That money should have been here by now. It's past the time that the lawyer expected it to be here. Anyway, he was fine with that. Thank god. I will be so happy when all of this financial stuff is done, it's too stressful. I need to win the lottery. Lol!

Oh, I hope things work out for your Mom to come out for Christmas. That would be so special. Christmas always reminds me of my Mom and was her favorite time of the year. I can picture her sitting back in her Christmasy sweater with her fancy earrings (always minus a backing), her glass of wine and the rosy cheeks she got from indulging. Every Christmas Eve I'd go over to her house and wrap the gifts we had bought and we'd figure out who was giving what to the girls. It had to balance. Lol! Okay, enough I'm starting to get a bit weepy. I guess we'll be in our house for Christmas this year but it will be a meager one this time around. I guess most importantly is that we will be together but without any other family members.I don't know if my niece will be in town this year but I know that the rest of them will be away.

Well, my stepdaughter is coming over again tomorrow so that we can start clearing this place out some more. I must admit that things have been at a standstill and I just don't have the energy to even care. It's a good thing that she understands how tough this all is for me to deal with alone. I've noticed that my niece's mom keeps asking her questions on facebook and my niece just ignores her and answers other people's questions but not hers. Too bad she hasn't figured out how badly she herself has hurt other people.

So Sunday would have been Len's 64th Birthday. I'm not sure if we are going to do anything special for it. Neither of the girl's work that day so maybe we'll bake a cake or something like we did last year.

Well, I guess it's time to get my butt out of this chair and do something, even if it's moving from the basement to the upstairs. Lol!

Hope the snow has disappeared and the sun remembers to shine on you.

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by debbied2007

11 Nov 2013, 3:56 AM

Hi Tracie,

Well, the snow is here to stay...oh well, at least it didn't snow until November! I hope you had a good weekend, I still have 2 more days off (Mon &Tue); looking forward to Tuesday, as my daughter and granddaughter will be back on their schedule! It's been such a trying weekend! Do you want to hear about it? LOL. Well, I shall tell ya about it.

I took Friday afternoon off, so hubby and I could spend it together, perhaps get out and go for lunch. Well, he wasn't feeling well, so we just hung out at the house! He's been in a lot of pain since early last week and it just didn't get any better. At least today, he's eating a wee bit, not much, but he's eating!

On Friday night, my daughter and I got into a huge argument. I can't even remember about what...it was about her not taking her pills! I of course, contacted a friend on FB then called him to talk about it. He basically said, you're a good mom, tomorrow you will make up with her and all this will be water under the bridge. I really didn't think it was going to happen...but on Saturday morning, she comes up stairs all happy; so I apologized and told her I'm just concerned for her and don't want her to have any episodes! We talked abit and all is good now. Then on Saturday, my sister came to visit! Well, that was quite the experience. She is about 5 years younger than I and looks about 15 years older than me. My goodness, when they rang the door bell I went to answer it, and I didn't recognize her at first because she's aged so much and has lost so much weight! Her and her hubby came in and started arguing right away. My goodness, they were supposed to stay the night...and I was going to listen to this all night. Anyway, my sister proceeded to drink her rum and coke...anyway, to get to the point, they didn't stay the night. I don't think I could've handled it! All they did was talk about what the other did to them and tried to make the other spouse look bad! Her hubby wasn't drinking, which was good, as he was driving back home (about 1.5 hours away from our home). She kept saying how she wished she had my life and how good I have it! Goodness, I've worked hard for this life; I've suffered for this life; and I just told her, to be careful what she wishes for! My life isn't all what it's cracked up to be...especially this weekend. It took a lot out of me to have them visit. Earlier that day, she called my mom and told her she's going to visit Deb because Deb needs her...sheesh! There was definiately no taking care of Deb going on!

Now we're onto Sunday!  Hubby still isn't feeling well; he's basically bedroom ridden again! What a fall back. So this morning we were talking and he said he wanted breakfast, so I went to go make it. While making it, he made a comment about eat...so I asked him, "does that mean you have your appetite back?" He said, Deb, that's not what I said, don't assume that! Wow, well, that started the tears and fireworks. I was making chicken stew and toasting his bagel.   When I brought it too him, I said, I wasn't assuming anything. And you don't have to be rude to me...I don't deserve that! Then I got my winter clothes on, and went for a nice long walk in the cold...bawling my eyes out...wondering why those who I take care of feel they can hurt me over and over again! ARGGGGGHHHH.  When I finished my walk, I finished cooking the stew. Took my granddaughter out to go sliding...when I came home, it was about 3 hours since our little spat. I went up to our room to start getting ready (shower) to start my day...LOL...and he apologized; so of course we hugged and made up! then I took my granddaughter out to the library to pick up books for her to read; then we went out for a late lunch (lupper... lunch/supper). that was my weekend so far! Just give, give, give. Sometimes I get so tired of all this crap and wish to just walk away from it all.

Ahhhh, the memories. At least we still have that hey! yes, you did mention Len and his taxes; what a horrible burden to have to go through.  You could've saved yourself a lot of money; if you sent all the papers to CRA they would've done your taxes for you! Did you know that?
I don't know what's going on with my family...I have one daughter who just broke up with her boyfriend (3 years); she wasn't happy and they continuously argued; he's now stalking her. The bad thing is...he's our neighbour!!!! She had to change her cell number; so he moved on to FB; then she blocked him. I told her next thing he'll call the house. He hasn't yet!!!!  That's my youngest. My oldest was supposed to get married in Mar/14; and on Friday, she told me they're breaking up!!!! Don't know what's in the water! the only thing about the youngest breaking up with her beau...is she's home all the time now. Before, she would be at his place for the weekend, and during the week (our granddaughter would sleep her though).

Well, I hope your niece came over to help you out...I've been purchasing lotto tickets, hoping to win so I could share the wealth!

Happy birthday to Len today!  Let me know if you did anything special. Take care my dear friend; I hope you had a sunny day today, the sun shone on us for about an hour, before sunset. I had a great day with my granddaughter...oh yes, we made banana chocolate chip pancakes Saturday morning! I don't know what I have in store for tomorrow. I don't have any plans. I purchased meat to make braised beef and beef bourginon (sp?); so I may do that tomorrow. On Tuesday, well, that's going to be a cleaning day!

Hugs to you, Deb

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Reply by marstin

11 Nov 2013, 6:16 PM

Hi Deb,

Wow! It sounds like you had quite a weekend. I wonder if maybe the planets were lined up strangely or something because it wasn't much better around here either. I guess I should be thankful that I don't have many family members around or I may have lost my mind, or as my daughter's are quick to point out, I have.

Saturday my stepdaughter came over and we worked for a few hours on clearing things. She has a tendancy to push too hard sometimes and then I shut right down. I hate to have someone take charge of things and push me. I guess I have had to take charge for so long that I can't handle someone else coming in and wanting to do things their way. We discussed it and all was good. I appreciate the help and that we can be brutally honest with each other and not hurt each other's feelings.

Yesterday was horrible. Both girls had been out and about most of the weekend (the youngest partied the whole time) so they were tired. The young one had been to a party on Saturday night and had to deal with her ex who is psycho (sound familar?). He really was trying to manipulate her like he used to and she was not having any part of it. Anyway, she came home around 8am and we talked about it all. She didn't get any sleep and then she was off to have brunch with a girlfriend. She never got home until about 6pm then went straight to her room to sleep. Meanwhile the oldest was studying for finals and I walked into the kitchen, that I had just cleaned up, and found a load of dishes in the sink. I got a little annoyed and confronted her on it. The war was on. I had told the girls that I wanted them to go through the safe that day to pick out what coins they wanted because I assumed that they both would want to spend the day together with it being Len's birthday and it was a perfect opportunity to finally get that done. I came downstairs and heard my oldest thump across the floor and open the door to her sister's room. They both came down and started to go through the stuff. I was on the phone with a friend and everything seemed to be going good. I hadn't planned anything to celebrate the day because the oldest one had been trying to pick up a shift for that day. Anyway, I made the mistake? of offering to buy us dinner (money is tight but I wanted to do something nice for them) and things went crazy from there. Apparently both of them had made plans and I just put a kink into it. I said we didn't have to do it and omg they both started coming at me. My young one (the kind, gentle one) was brutal and basically told me what a horrible mom I was and that I didn't love them and that I expect so much from her. Ouch! I got mad and threw at her about how the two of them don't seem to think they have to do anything in this house and that I am exhausted trying to work alone. Anyway, it didn't get much better and the older one sat and bawled her eyes out and the younger one stormed out of the house.. Things went quiet and the older one calmed down and we just went and got mc donalds for dinner. The young one came home a few hours later and I could see that she felt bad for being so cruel. It didn't take the sting out of what she said but I didn't say anything. So, here I sit today feeling hurt by the accusations and so wanting all of this bs to be put behind us so that we can get out of this stinking house. Granted, I don't understand the stress that they are under but they sure as hell do not understand how much pressure is on me to keep everything moving and keep us from floundering. I so want to just run away from home.

Whew! How was that for unloading? Lol! I put a status on facebook yesterday about it being Len's Birthday and had so many awesome responses. As usual, nothing from my niece or my brother, just my nephew's wife. I love my family.

Len and his taxes. I think I am becoming so used to bad things coming at me that I couldn't even react much to the news. I think that I will call legal aid this week and see if I can get in to see someone to find out what they think will happen with all of that. I know that CRS can't come after what I own but the house is a tricky matter since I already put it into my name and the mortgage guys own 2/3 of it. I can't even put it on the market I don't think with that hanging over my head. What a mess. One day I will sit back and look at all of this and have a break down but for now I just have to keep pushing myself to move forward.

Well, enough doom and gloom. I have to get my butt in motion and get back to work on the clearing out today. I hate this house!

I hope today finds you with sunny skies and a reprieve from the snow.

Hugs,
Tracie

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Reply by debbied2007

14 Nov 2013, 4:35 PM

Hi Tracie, All I can say is WOW…what a weekend you had; sounds like it was just as chaotic and stressful as mine!!!! Well, I’m back at work, and I hate to say this, but I’m glad. It’s very stressful in my home, with hubby being in so much pain and there is nothing anyone can do! On Tuesday, he wanted to get out of the house, so we went for a drive; well that was a mistake. Every bump in the road caused him pain; and Edm roads are notorious for pot holes! I just find it stressful to be with him when we are out. It never is a good experience for him and because I react to his every facial expression…well, just adds stress all around. My 2nd youngest came to visit yesterday with our granddaughter; it sure was great seeing them, as we haven’t seen them for over 1 month! They stayed for a few hours, had dinner with us and visited. When she went home, she posted on FB that she is now officially homeless…what!!!! I sent her a text asking her what’s going on. She just said she’s going to her friends house for the night. That’s 3 out of 4 relationships falling apart for my poor babies. The weather has been quite gloomy ! It’s cloudy, gray and raining…in November…in Edm!!! It’s supposed to be snowing! I don’t know why our girls think they can call us awful/bad parents. We should turn around and call them bad children…LOL…that outta start a huge fight! With the stress around our home, it brings on more “discussions” than normal. However, what is normal these days…I’m not too sure! Well, I’m at work…and I guess I should get back to work. Not much happening in my life these days; I sure hope it isn’t the calm before the storm as I’ve had enough of the storms. Hubby is doing better (I think) these days. He’s eating more, not much more; but I’m happy he’s eating. His appt has been set for early December to meet with the chemo doctors. He’s ok with that, as it gives him more time to recover! I hope all is well with you; as well as it can be I guess. Take care, sending you hugs, no sunshine as it is gray here, smiles and a positive thoughts. Deb

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Reply by marstin

15 Nov 2013, 1:08 AM

Hi Deb,

It's amazing how alike we are in so many ways. Yes, when I read about your crazy weekend, it made me feel like maybe I wasn't losing it or at the very least that I had company dealing with family issues. Lol! What I do know is that I am fed up with feeling like everyone's personal whipping post.

Well, a little bit of good news today. I talked to the lawyer (I was handed straight over to him) and he said that things should be finalized within 3 weeks. He asked if that worked for me and I had to admit that I had been hanging on a thread waiting for the money to arrive and that no, I couldn't wait that long and would need something to get me by. He was fine with it and said he would call me tomorrow to try to give me an advance. He's such a pleasant man. I can't figure out how he could have 'pure evil' working for him.

Things have been okay since the weekend. The youngest every once in awhile gives me some attitude like she thinks she runs things and I just stand and stare at her. I don't know what her issue is but I'm afraid we're going to have another run in soon. When we were battling on the weekend, I blew up and asked her what either one of them does around here to help out. She responded with 'You chose to be a stay at home mom'. I nearly lost it. Apparently my job is to run around behind them and clean up, do all of the housework, clear the house out, find us a place to live etc. It took everything I had to not kick her butt out the door and say fend for yourself. Spoilt little brat.

I can imagine how much easier it is for you to be at work than at home. I can remember taking Len places when he was sick and him cringing when I'd go over a bump in the road. Some things we have no control over although we wish we had. Having the diversion of a job lets you focus on something other than pain and illness. I have often wished over the years that I had an escape like going to work to get me away from the house. Once I took on the role of doing everything for my mom, I didn't stand a chance. I don't regret doing that, just that I gave up my whole life for family and ended up losing my entire support structure and having no one to turn to. It's hard to start all over when you don't have any friends around or anything to take your mind off of things.

The weather here has been a mixed bag of rain and sunshine. They're warning that there may be a hint of snow this weekend. Guess I'm going to have to get my snow tires back on. At least I should be able to afford to do that now. It's funny, I have held out hope that I could get my ensuite done (I have everything for it) and now that I could possibly do it, I'm not sure that I will. I don't know if I want to put another cent into this place. I confuse even myself. Lol!

Your girl's are sure going through alot of things. Are they close to each other so that they can share their stories? Mine fight like crazy but when one is in need (usually the young one) the other is there for them.

I guess it will be good for Don to get started on his chemo although it's not the best time of the year with Christmas coming and all. Hopefully he will be able to indulge on a big Christmas dinner. You guys have gone through so much, it will be good to get this next part of the journey over with. Is your mom still planning on coming out? Where does she live?

I hope that I can start to do a bit of Christmas shopping next week. Normally I'd have started in September but it's been impossible without any money. I pretty much only have the girls to buy for since everyone else will be away at Christmas. Of course we'll get something for my nephew's little ones but that's all. I'm actually looking forward to having one last Christmas in our home. Already my oldest is asking about a tree. We have always had a real one but I don't know how we can get one this year unless we can find someone to help pick it up and get it into our house. I guess we'll wait and see on that. I hate fake trees. Lol! I'm excited about cooking a turkey in my mom's old roaster and making a dinner that she would be proud of.

I've made a decision that I know is going to send my girls into a tailspin so I will have to wait until the time is right to spring it on them. I can't afford to buy us a 3 bedroom place, the money won't stretch that far, so I'm thinking that we may have to get a 2 bedroom and get a sofa hide a bed for the living room. Not ideal but when I look at the big picture, I don't want to have to downsize again in a few years time when one of them decides to move out. It seems a little selfish but at least by doing that, I would be a little more secure in the future.

Well, time to get off my butt and get some dinner happening. Hope the sun peeks through those rain clouds for you!

Hugs,
Tracie

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