Discussion Forums

 
Reply by marstin
07 Dec 2013, 4:05 AM

Hi Deb,

Well, I wrote you a long message and just as I was getting near the end of it the power went out for a minute and I lost everything.

My dear friend I wish I could just give you a big hug. I can imagine all of the emotions that you went through when you heard what the Oncologist had to say. The two of you have gone through so many challenges and now this. It's a big one but as long as Don is set to fight and the Oncologist hasn't given up, you mustn't give up hope. Don reminds me so much of Len with his strength and determination. I'm praying for you two.

I'm happy that your Mom is coming for Christmas. Who better to lean on and share your fears with. Mom's make everything feel better.

Have you ever wondered what it would have been like if you had given birth to son's instead of daughter's? Guys would probably punch each other if there was an issue and it would be over with. Girl's are so darned catty. Terrible thing to say but true. It makes you wonder why your second youngest didn't just confront the youngest instead of believing the ex-boyfriend. Just what you need right now then to be mad at you for something you have no part in. Sounds like someone is just is in the mood to fight. Facebook is a great thing but it can create some big battlegrounds. I've been watching my niece and her Mom duke it out on there the past few days and just shake my head. Message each other instead of putting it out there for all to see. Sheesh! I may put quotes on there that some may feel is about them (guilty feelings?) but I try to avoid starting wars in public.

My girlfriend from Mackenzie came into town on Tuesday (she was supposed to show up the second week in December) and stayed here on Wednesday night. We hadn't seen each other for years and ended up sitting up until 2am drinking coffee and talking and talking. It's been a long time since I got to do something like that. She'll be back on Tuesday and her son said he's going to see if he can do the plumbing for my ensuite. It would be so nice to complete that before we put the place up for sale. I guess we'll see.

Still nothing from that stupid lawyer's office. I'm getting so frustrated with the delay. Both girls have to pay their tuition by Monday and while the oldest managed to save her government cheques for it (they get a small check each month because of Len passing as long as they stay full time in school. This last's until they're 25) the youngest spent hers. I was really annoyed. I had to take money out that brings me almost to nothing, just so the young one can pay her bill. All she does is complain about lack of money and spends hers faster than she makes it. I sometime's feel like she expects life to be like it was when her Dad and Grandma were here and she refuses to face the facts that there is no money coming in to subsidize her. Talk about frustrating.

I took my oldest up to work today and had to wait for the bank to open so that I could get the money out for the young one. I ran into a guy who's kids went to the same school as the girl's when they were younger. I run into him from time to time and we chat a bit. Anyway, since nothing was open yet he said ' let's grab a coffee while we wait'. I said sure and we sat and talked about our kids and houses and safe things like that. Then the conversation turned and he asked how long Len had been gone. I said just over a year and he questioned why I was still wearing my rings. I said that I wasn't ready to take them off and used them as protection because I wasn't ready for anyone to think I was available.  He started getting pushy about how I should move them to another finger and I got a little irritated. He then said wouldn't I want someone to hug me and give me a kiss. Uh, no! I finally said that it was time to get moving since the stores were open. He said ' Do you want to give me your number so that I could take you out for lunch or dinner?'. I said 'No thanks' and nearly ran off. THAT is why I wear my rings. I was really ticked off. I'll do things in my way and my time and never would I consider dating someone so pushy. Grrrr!

I've managed to do some shopping for the girls. I don't have many people to worry about this year since my family has deserted me. We'll pick up a few things for my nephew's little ones and my stepdaughter and granddaughter but that's about it for family. It's hard to believe that it was only 2 years ago when life was filled with laughter and family. I really miss those days.

Well, we're not as cold as you guys but much colder that we're used to. I just want to hibernate. Lol! My relatives in Saskatchewan I think are expecting -52! That's insane. I guess it beats snow but we're sure not used to any of this on the west coast.

Sending you hugs and warm, loving thoughts
Tracie
Report this post      
 
Reply by debbied2007
17 Dec 2013, 9:46 PM

Hi natR, thank you once again for your kind words and hugs.  I know most, if not all, families have their moments, but sometimes the moments and drama's are at the wrong time, but then again, I guess there is never a right time!  Yes, my hubby is in a fighting mode, and I am very greatful about that, it makes it less stressful.  It is one day at a time, and some days those days are extremly long!  Thanks again natR!  Deb


 
Report this post      
 
Reply by debbied2007
17 Dec 2013, 10:12 PM

Hi Tracie,

Once again, I was AWOL!  It's been a long week and I've been in such a bad funk that I just can't get out of.  I haven't decorated the house...not one teeny weeny decore!  I, however, did manage to pick up one more gift for my grandson (4/6); and picked up a few more for my granddaughter who just moved out.  She's such a little talker; we had her one evening last week and she just needed to have a bath!  So, I put her in the bath, and the whole time she just talked and talked and talked, on and on she went!  I didn't realize when we lived with the constant talking it's really nothing; but by this time she was out of the house for about a week and man...it was soooo sweet though.  We had a bit of a scare with her on Friday.  She was admitted to ER, as her breathing was laboured; she had an asthma attack and her oxygen was down to 60 (normally 100); so she was basically admitted most of the day, until they stabilized her and sent her home.  She also had a touch of pneumonia, so she is now on antibiotics!  I get to pick her up after work today and bring her to sparks.  She'll probably spend the night, as her mom is going to a movie!

I haven't given up hope on the fight for a cure - but the emotional rollercoaster throws me for a loop every now and then, and when I can't function, then I'm no help for anyone!  Let alone myself.  Thank you for the prayers, we sure need them these days.

I'm also glad my mom is visiting.  We both aren't talkers (goodness, when we talk on the phone, she'll say, OK, we're just listening to each other breathe, we should hang up now).  LOL.  No, our conversations are very limited.  She'll tell stories and make me laugh, but we don't have the kind of relationship where I could tell her everything and just cry.  It's not a bad thing, since it's something we've never had, so I don't miss it.  Mom's do make everything feel better, in their own way!

My sister has 5 sons...and they are no better than girls!  So, no, I've never wanted sons.  I'm happy with my girls...frustrated, but...I think everyone is so stressed right now that they need to all just go to their own corners and wipe away the tears and hurt, mend a little, and then get back together some time in the future. 

I hear ya about FB - I've hidden my daughters postings, just because they are so hurtful.  I completely forgot I hid her posts and was wondering why she was so quiet; and was quite proud of her, LOL, geesh...somedays I don't know whether I'm coming or going :(

I hope your visit with your friend and her son went well!  Did he manage to get the plumbing completed?  That would be such a wonderful gesture if he did :)

OH, I know about money and kids only too well!  My youngest purchased a brand new vehcile (with me stupidly co-signing) and now she's in debt up to her eyeballs and probably to the ends of her hair.  It's so frustrating when they think they can just get what ever they want, without saving!

It sounds like the "guy" was trying to take complete advantage of you!  How frustrating is that, especially since he knows your Len isn't here to protect you.  Good for you for standing up for yourself. 

I'm sending you a great big hug - it's crazy how a minute, let alone two years, can change everything in your life.  Some day you will have laughter in your life again...some day soon. 
I'm feeling so sad these days.  I don't know what it is, but it really affects hubby when I'm in these moods.  It bother's him that I am quiet and distant.  Then I feel all guilty and become more withdrawn, one big ugly cirlce it becomes. 

It's been a warm week, however, it's getting cold again tomorrow.  Supposed to go to -20...YIKES, what's up with that.  LOL...that's the Canadian winter for you. 

Once again, I hope all is well with you.  Sending you a great big hug and lots of positive thoughts, hopefully, these will rub off on me too.  Take care my dear friend, Deb
Report this post      
 
Reply by marstin
21 Dec 2013, 9:01 PM

Hi Deb,

Sorry for the delay but my friend has been staying here the past two weeks and it has been somewhat good to have the company, it has also been frustrating and expensive. Within a couple of days she had run out of dog food and money. Not a good thing when I'm already struggling. On the plus side, a devastating trip to the lawyers office nearly knocked me off of my feet and she was there to support me. I had to go into the lawyer's again to get a cheque and that's when I got a dose of reality. The lawyer told me that they were just finalizing things and had to get my brother in to sign off on it, then they'd call me. I asked why he always was called first and the lawyer informed me that my brother 'hired' him and therefore he is the client. What!? I flipped and said that was why my mom had put us both as executors so that this wouldn't happen. My brother has lied to me all along saying he didn't know why we got called in seperately. That was only the beginning. I was called in the next day to sign off and as I went over the paperwork, I saw that not only did he lie and say he wasn't going to claim any costs, the legal costs were what appears to be nearly $80,000! My friend nearly had to prop me up. Damn him! He has taken a huge sum of money out of everyone's pockets including his own kids. I told the lawyer that I want detailed copies of every thing my brother has claimed and I refused to sign and said I would do a list of the hours I spent at my mom's clearing things out. I feel so betrayed. I called my niece and she was so upset. After all of the years my parents slaved for that money and he just threw it away. Not to mention the years that I looked after my mom and I end up getting so screwed in all of this. I don't know how he can live with himself. Apparently, he's been in the know of the fees because the lawyer sends them to him. Something tells me that it's illegal for him to keep that information from me as I am still an executor. I just don't know what to do but I did tell the lawyer that I will not sign anything until I have a copy of all expenses that I can take home and go over without being under the gun in his office. I can't afford a lawyer of my own or I would be challenging him. All trust is gone and when this is all over I will no longer claim him as my brother. He has made that choice. Tonight I will take the time out to sit and have a good cry (company just left). My niece had already agreed to a dinner at his place tonight and she is so upset by all of this and is just in shock. She's still going to go but is going to try to bait him to see how he reacts. What a lowlife he is. I see now why the psychic had a strange look on her face when the estate was discussed. Shame on him!

Not much else happening here, I shared with my grief group about that guy at the mall being a jerk and one guy in the group apologized on behalf of all men.

We had a whack of snow here yesterday but fortunately I had nowhere to be so my friend and I  just stayed home and drank coffee and talked.We finally got the tree in the house ( my oldest daughter's ex helped us get it) and upright and my friend put the lights on it. Nothing else is done and at this point it will be a struggle to even celebrate Christmas this year.

Sorry, I just can't write any more right now.
I will message you again in a day or two.

HUgs,
Tracie
Report this post      
 
Reply by NatR
23 Dec 2013, 12:38 AM

Hi to both Deb and Tracie,

oh my I am so sorry that each of you are having such a struggle of late.... 
It sounds overwhelming what you both are handling.  I am so glad that you are each able to share and lean on each other.

Deb, it's scary that your granddaughter is dealing with breathing issues, for sure.
so many other challenges seem to be happening lately too.  Some days you wonder if it's a test to see if you can take that last Straw added to the bale you are carrying.

Tracie, I am sorry that you are also stressed with both family and financial concerns....something I can understand.  For me, the Holidays are also difficult.  I have family members who don't talk to me....hard to understand isn't it? 

Sigh, but we keep on putting one foot in front of the other:) and with understanding friends we manage to keep going.

i wanted to wish you two gals a special Holisay wish...hoping that at least one thing happens that gIves each of you a reassurance that you are important and that there is hope fir the future....the new year coming.

Hugs to you both,
wishing you peace,
NatR 
Report this post      
 
Reply by marstin
24 Dec 2013, 8:18 PM

Hi Deb,

I wanted yo take a moment to wish you a Merry Christmas. I hope that you enjoy the time with your Mom.  My Mom and I were rarely able to share the deep emotions either but the love was always there.

I have heard nothing from my brother although he managed to find the time to visit both of my girls while they were at work. He has touched base with the entire family except me. What a cold man he has become. My niece came home from having dinner at his house and was extremely hurt that he hadn't so much as bought one gift for her. As she said 'She won'. My sister in law has managed to destroy the family with my brother willingly going along with it. How sad. One day they will regret what they have done.

Anyway, I should get to work and get my gifts wrapped. We finally managed to get the tree decorated last night. Not a very happy household these days. Still, as with all things, we will get through this and find strength in each other's love. Tonight we will go out for dinner, have a drink or two and watch Christmas movies. Tomorrow we will have our own little Christmas and kick back and relax. I'm sure it will be good.

Loads of love to you and Don,
Tracie
Report this post      
 
Reply by debbied2007
24 Dec 2013, 8:24 PM

Hi Tracie, here's wishing you and your family a very Merry. Christmas and a joyous new year. I've been bedridden with the flu since yesterday morning. But wanted to touch base. The flu tabs are kicking in so sleep here I come. Take and enjoy this special time with your girls and puppy. Hugs and sending you sunshinedeb
Report this post      
 
Reply by marstin
28 Dec 2013, 1:37 AM

Hi Deb,

Well I'm hoping by now that you are back on your feet. Hopefully you were able to enjoy Christmas.

Ours was quiet but nice. The girl's and I went out for dinner on Christmas Eve with the younger one's friend who worked at the restaurant that we chose. We laughed and talked and had a great time. The manager kept coming by and pestering the friend and it was hilarious. When the bill came, they placed it in front of this young girl and the look on her face was priceless. Her boss had covered the entire cost of the bill! Omg! I nearly cried. What an awesome Christmas gift. We came back home (minus the friend who had to be at her mom's) and decorated the tree some more and watched movies,wrapped presents and had a few drinks. My stepdaughter contacted me during the day and was in emergency. She is deaf in one ear from chemo years ago and the other has been declining quickly lately. She woke up that morning totally deaf! They did a CT scan and found nothing and are giving her very little hope that she will get any hearing back. My heart just broke for her. I keep hoping that they are wrong. She has to go back in on the 27th I think and they will do more testing.

Christmas day we had our traditional brunch and then opened gifts. Oh, how we spoil each other. My niece and her new guy came over for awhile. She was feeling pretty crushed that her dad didn't so much as give her one gift for Christmas. I guess she talked to him throughout the day and expressed her sadness about it. Like she said, it wasn't about the gift, it was more about the love behind it. She always tries to soothe the waters.

Yesterday the war began. I sent my brother a long email and explained how betrayed I felt in all of this. I tried to reach out to the human side of him and the response I got was cold, cruel and clinical. I swear the words came out of his wife's mouth. What can I say, the gloves were off! Since then we have been exchanging some nasty words. I have said I will get some legal advice before I sign anything and he is threatening that I am creating the issues and that if I incur any extra costs that he will make me pay for it. How inhuman he has become. I know his greedy wife is ticked that I didn't sign the papers and he is probably in hot water for blowing the funds on a high priced lawyer. She is sooo money hungry. His response to me is that he never did anything wrong and that I am 'slandering' the lawyers good name. I responded not to put words in my mouth and that the lawyer has been perfectly honest with me on every question I've asked. I can so see that creature hanging over my brothers shoulder telling him what to say. She is downright vicious and he is her instrument. She wins. She can have my brother all to herself. I lost him years ago anyway. I talked to my brother in law last night and he encouraged me to go through legal aid and he will go with me to see a lawyer. This loss in money will have a huge impact on how the girl's and I move forward but we'll tackle it and move on. Time to light a bomb under my butt though and get this house prepared to be put on the market so that we can get out of here. I sent a message to my favorite psychic and asked what she thought was going to happen in all of this and her reply was 'You will need to force his hand as all he is seeing is $$$$ signs in front of his face. Yes, you will force him but I am unclear if you will need legal help. He is uncertain of himself at this time and someone keeps whispering in his ear'. She then told me to stand tall, that they see me as weak but that I will show them how strong I am. Lol! Sounds like me. 'Knock me down but I get back up'. I haven't fought all of the battles that I have been forced to all of this time to just lay there and take their garbage.

Well, on to other things. When did you say that new baby was due? Such an exciting time. I told my girl's that someone needed to start having babies then we looked at my niece and her boyfriend was smiling from ear to ear. I think he wants to get that started. Lol!

How is your state of mind? Are you able to hang on to those positive emotions? I think about you every day and send you warm healing love. How's Don feeling? Is he getting stronger? Know that I'm here for you my friend.

Hugs and loving thoughts,
Tracie
Report this post      
 
Reply by marstin
05 Jan 2014, 2:37 AM

Hi Deb,

Just wanted to check up on you and make sure everything is okay. I hope to hear from you when get a chance.

Hugs,
Tracie
Report this post      
 
Reply by debbied2007
05 Jan 2014, 3:07 AM

I'm ok. Let's Facebook. So much easier. I hope u r ok with this????!!!!!
Report this post      


Our Partners
Asked and Answered
Asked and Answered

Find out what Canadians
are asking

Ask a Professional
Ask a Professional

Our team of experts answers
your questions about
life-threatening illness and loss.

Just want to talk?
Just want to talk?

Join the Discussion
Forums

Books, Links, and More
Books, Links, and More

Recommended by our team

Programs and Services
Programs and Services

Find local, regional,
and national services

eNews Sign-up
eNews Sign-up
  • logo
  • Copyright 2003-2024 Canadian Virtual Hospice. All Rights Reserved.