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11 Mar 2013, 2:36 PM

Hi Deb,

So good to hear from you. I'm so sorry that the system crashed and that you lost your thoughtful and long update. We would have loved to have read it. Was the forum that crashed or your computer? If it was the forum, please let me know and I will investigate. When I plan to write a long post (or one even a short one that I know will take me a long time), I write it first in Word or Notepad and then cut and paste it into the forum. 

In any case even with your short update it was great to hear the good-great-better. I look forward to hearing more. I'm so glad that Tracie popped in this thread to check up on you.

Tracie, I think you are going to soon share the mother-hen badge with me. Thanks for reaching out to other members and seeing how they are doing. It means a lot to me and I'm sure it does to them too.

Talk to you both soon.
Colleen 
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Reply by debbied2007
11 Mar 2013, 6:12 PM

Hi Colleen, it was the forum that "crashed".  I'm not too sure what happened.  I was rushing out the door, and hit send, then the screen went blank.  I will update in a moment.  Thanks again Colleen, take care.  Deb
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Reply by debbied2007
11 Mar 2013, 6:56 PM

Hi Tracie, as indicated before, things are going much better.  Having accepting the cancer and that my husband won’t die from it, was quite freeing.  It was about late January that I had the breakthrough!  Thank goodness, as I was falling apart fast. 

 

As for my daughter, well, things aren’t going well at all.  She’s bi-polar and started having manic episodes yesterday and this morning.  It’s all new for me, so trying to adjust is quite stressful.  When this happens, we take care of our granddaughter; we try to protect her from this as much as we can. 

 


I see my doctor every 6 weeks, and she tries to keep me on track – but right now I’m so stressed.  I try to exercise and eat right.  But of course that falls to the way side when stress is involved.


 It’s been such a difficult time for you Tracie, and now you have to deal with the fall out after someone you love and were close to passes on.  I know this is cliché, but time heals everything.  At this point, there hasn’t been enough time for you to heal.  I know after my father passed, it took me 3 ½ years to go through the grieving process.  I still miss him, but now I can think about him without crying.  Give yourself and your daughters’ time to grieve and go through the process.  Your husband sounded like such a wonderful man/person.  Very caring, loving, giving and thoughtful!  


I’m not too sure if I also told you, about 1 month ago, when we were at the surgeon’s office, he went over the PT scan with us.  The original doctor failed to mention that there is cancer in one of my husband’s lymph node.  I cried my heart out when I heard that.  But we didn’t ask the question…not knowing right now works for me.  I try to stay positive and keep sending positive vibes out there, I know he can beat this; and I know he wants to beat it, that’s enough for me right now.  He’s lost so much weight too!  I cook big meals for him, but he eats very little.  This is fine, as long as he eats. 


Take care of yourself Tracie!  We are heading to Kelowna and Kamloops on Wednesday until Sunday.  A bit of a celebration – to help celebrate his completion of Chemo/Radiation and a little celebration for his 50th birthday.  Give yourself a big hug!  Deb
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Reply by marstin
11 Mar 2013, 10:03 PM

Hi Colleen,

I think my 'mother hen' sydrome brings me comfort in a strange way. Rather than dwell so much on my own sadness I find that reaching out to others in pain helps me deal better with whatever comes my way. Does that make sense? Lol! I'm sure it does as you are a 'mother hen' too.

Hi Deb,

I'm glad to hear that things are going fairly well for you and that your husband's treatments are behind you. I'm sorry to hear that you are dealing with the additional stress of what is happening with your daughter. I don't know why life tends to bring a truck load of problems all at once but I sure wish it just give us one thing at a time to deal with. My stepdaughter is going through major mental health issues lately and her mom is at her wits end too trying to protect the 13 year old granddaughter from being totally traumatized. I am unable to reach out to the stepdaughter since it would cause pain for my daughters and more turmoil in my life right now when I need to focus on all that I have to deal with already. Len's ex and I are really good friends so she fills me in on all that's going on and checks in with me to see how the girls and I are doing.

The stress is a hard thing to try to conquer. I find for myself that lately I wake up really early in the morning and my mind is going a hundred miles a minute and I just can't get back to sleep. My niece tells me that you have to pick a place that means the world to you and close your eyes and start to visualize being there, touching things, smelling things and just allowing yourself to stay in that zone for as long as you can. I keep forgetting to try it but I'm sure that it could help, It definitely wouldn't hurt to try it.

It's great to hear that you are taking a mini vacation this weekend. It's funny in a way because I'm finally going on one also this weekend... to Vernon! I leave on Thursday night and come back Sunday night. It will be great to get together with my best friend who lives there and a few other close friends that live nearby and are going to meet me for lunch. It will be interesting to see how my daughters do with 'Mom' away since they've never been left totally on their own.

I have a couple of really good guys working hard on my house to finish off work that Len started and to paint it up to help with the resale value. It at least brings me a bit of comfort to see all of his hard work being completed by guys with high standards like he had and to hear how impressed they are with the work that he did.

I hope your weekend goes well. I will be thinking of you and will send a wave into the air at you as we both will be in the same area at about the same time.

Hugs,
Tracie
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Reply by debbied2007
16 Mar 2013, 7:55 PM

Hi Tracie. I hope all is well with you and your weekend getaway!  Ours started off pretty stressful but my daughter finally pulled herself together. We are driving through Vernon today, on our way back to Kelowna. I will wave and wish you all the best as we cruise through. Take care and here's a big hug for ya!!!!!  Deb
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Reply by marstin
20 Mar 2013, 12:14 AM

Hi Deb,

I'm sorry that you got off to a rocky start. I hope that the rest of your weekend went better. We certainly picked the right weekend to go there with all of the sunshine. I was asked today where I'd been since I looked a little tanned. Lol! For myself it was nice to not have to do housework or worry about the dog or pack anything. The girlfriend that I stayed with had to work on the Friday so I got together with two childhood friends, one of which I hadn't seen for 25 years. We had so much fun talking about the old days. The rest of the weekend was so relaxing and my friend and I mostly kicked back and talked about our lives. When I was growing up I lived beside 3 really cute boys, one of them I hadn't ween for about 40 years so I was shocked when I was walking through the Walmart in Vernon and heard someone call his name. I spun around to look and sure enough it was him. Of course I had to run over and talk to him. Still really cute! Lol!

Did your husband enjoy the trip? I'm guessing that he was a bit tired from all of his treatments. I hope the mountain air helped his appetite a little. I know how hard it is to feed someone who doesn't have much of an appetite.

Please fill me in when you have the time.

Hugs,
Tracie
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Reply by debbied2007
20 Mar 2013, 4:06 AM

Hi Tracie,


I'm so glad you had a great weekend with friends, you sure deserve it!  Taking time for yourself is needed, and I know having "children" we tend to put ourselves second.  But that's ok - like you I am a mother hen who nags her children...but oh well.  Like my step father used to say as he and I spoke on the phone, he would tell me aren't you looking extra beautiful today... Tracie!  

Our trip was awesome, other than our daughter falling apart.  BUT, it did force her to "wake" up, as no one was there to take care of our granddaughter but her.  I did "hire" my cousin to stay the weekend at our home, but he ended up getting sick and couldn't stay there.  Like I said, this forced our daughter to start functioning.  We had a bit of a scare yesterday, she went to Emerg and they ended up doing a bunch of blood work as they were concerned about her kidneys failing (she was at emerg for 7 hours), but in the end, it was a kidney infection.  It was scary...thank goodness all went ok - now I have to do a good deed to pay back this good deed. 

My hubby did enjoy the trip and yes he was tired - we only did as much as he could do, but it was a lot more than we have been able to do since September.  AND YES, his appetite has increased, he is eating more and more...and now that we are home, I'm cooking more also.  Previously, it was hard to cook, knowing he would try to eat, but was only able to eat a little or refuse to eat.  The drugs that are to save him, can also kill him...weird!!!!!  

When we were in the Okanagan, LOVEDIT, the first day, we checked into our hotel (DELTA Resort) and then went wine touring...my hubby is a hockey nut, so of course, our trip was based on a couple of hockey players who were drafted by the Montreal Habs - we went to two hockey games, one in Kelowna and one in Kamloops.  We did one hike, 3.1 kms (we usually do 10-20 kms, based on the elevation gain), but this was progress for him as previously we could only do 1 or 2 kms.  He wanted to do another one for 4 kms, but I told him I really didnt' want to do it...it just felt eerie...I'm not used to the Kamloops area and the vegetation...I'm used to AB mountains and not the type of vegetation in the area of Kamloops/Kelowna.  Oh well, I will have to get used to it, as we are planning on retiring there.

It's amazing, not only how time flies, but how life just leads you in a path to see people you haven't seen in years.  Being from the NWT, and when I used to travel a lot for work, I would end up talking with the person beside me on the plane, and there was always this connection to the north, whether it was they lived there, or knew someone from there, and we would some how connect someone we knew.  Just amazing how small our world is hey! We like to go to the Okanagan every few years, just to tour and see our future community, and a few years ago we were wine touring around Osoyoos - I cannot remember the winery, but it took two minutes from walking into the winery to having a discussion with the owner to find out he lived on the same street in Whitehorse as my grandparents in the early 80's!!!!!! 

Anyway, enough about me!  How are you doing, it sure sounds like you had a good visit with your friend(s) AND relaxing.  How did your daughters cope without you?  I'm sure they were fine!  You are such a wonderful mother, friend, wife, and perosn someday, I plan on meeting you!  Whether or not it happens, it's all up to the will of fate!  I've always believed there is a reason for everything...unfortunately, it isn't until later, that we sometimes find out that reason. 

I have to tell you, honestly, I am TERRIFIED right now.  I am strong for my husband, and I do a damn good job at it.  It wasn't until they told us that he has cancer in his lymphnodes (sp?), that AGAIN, I started having thoughts about his demise!  The only person I told was my daughter who resides with us.  I had to....long story, but anyway, other than her, we haven't told anyone else.  I don't know what to think or say anymore.  I just go with the flow now.  If he wants to shop, we shop.  If he wants  to eat white bread, I make a sandwich with white bread.  If he wants doritos, we eat doritos...LOL...

Well, once again Tracie, thank you for listening.  I cannot believe you are comforting me!!!!!  I truly am very apprecitative of this virtual friendship and thankful for all that you provide me.  Take care, be safe and make sure you give yourself a great big hug Tracie, Deb       

         
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Reply by marstin
20 Mar 2013, 6:39 AM

Hi Deb,

Wow, it sounds like the two of you had an amazing time. So many new memories for you. It's beautiful up there. I'm not sure that I like Kamloops very much with it's wind and how hard it is to breathe there in the summer months but I really enjoy Kelowna and Vernon. My friends are all telling me to move up there but my roots and the girls are here on the coast and I couldn't take them away from their friends. Maybe in the distant future when they have left home I will think about it.

I'm sorry to hear that your daughter fell ill but thankfully it was nothing too serious. I think our children will always need us. My youngest phoned and texted alot while I was away. She kept running into problems and needed my advice on them. They managed to get through the days without me and the house was all cleaned up and they'd been doing laundry when I got home. Our Bella was a little annoyed with me for leaving her but she got over it. Lol!

I think my weekend away really helped me to relax a bit. After spending so many months dealing with everything it was great to just let it go for awhile. Yesterday I managed to get lots done with paperwork. Today was one of my sad days. I went out to get groceries and all the songs that were playing in the store were 'our songs'. Then I ran into a lady who runs a restaurant that we always went to and she asked after Len and my Mom. She was heartbroken when I told her the bad news and I got all teary eyed telling her. Needless to say, today was a write off and I never got anything done. Oh well, there's always tomorrow.

The guys that have been working on my house said that they talked to someone that is extremely interested in buying my house, mostly they want the property.  They wanted me to phone him but I'm not quite ready to commit to anything. I think I have another month before I have to go in that direction. I know it may sound silly but as much as a pain this place has been, it has been my home for over 13 years and will be hard to walk away from. I know it has to happen just not quite yet.

I wish there was something I could say to calm your fears. I do know that the radiation/chemo keeps 'cooking' for weeks after the sessions are finished. I also remember the waiting game to see if it had worked. When Len finished his he went on a retreat to his family cabin with a friend for a few days. He came back so much happier and at peace. What we learn with this disease is that it is unpredictable and that hope is always there. I know how difficult it is to keep the fear away and focus on being positive. It's one of the few things in life that we have no control over and we can only hope for the best possible outcome. I will keep praying for you and your husband. Just keep doing what you are doing and enjoying your time with him. I'm here whenever you want to share. You won't be alone. Sometimes it's easier to walk with someone who has been down this road before. This forum has given us the gift of meeting each other and bringing a little comfort into each others lives.

Hugs to you,
Tracie
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Reply by debbied2007
23 Mar 2013, 5:38 PM

Hi Tracie,

My husband received "good news"...if there is such a thing when cancer is involved - anyway he was at the thoraxis (sp) - the spot on his lung is round, and cancer is not round, so they will be doing a byopsy within the near future - also, what we thought would be a complicated procedure for the surgeon to get at his lymphnode isn't complicated at all - they will also be doing a byopsy on this too.  I pray they both come back benign. 

I'm glad you had a restful weekend away, as it was well deserved.  Also, with your house getting fixed, and all is going well with that too!  I know it's going to be hard to walk away from your home, especially if you are not ready.  My thoughts and prayers will be with you and hope it gets easier (I know it won't).  I haven't checked my Lotto Max yet, unsure where it was won either, so as far as I know, I'm still a winner...until I check the tickets, then reality will set in!  Take care, have a great weekend.  Hugs, Deb
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Reply by marstin
24 Mar 2013, 11:08 PM

Hi Deb,

Well, I checked my Lotto Max and didn't find a single number. Oh well. I guess it's not meant to be....at least not yet.

It's good to know that the doctors are really on the ball when it comes to looking after your husband and that things sound a little more positive. Len's doctor was good but had too large of a caseload and ended up dropping the ball after his treatments were over. We kept asking to see him to find out how things had gone and finally after many weeks the doctor in palliative care sat down and told us the bad news. I was so shocked that I refused to know how long they expected him to live. There are too many gaps in the health care system and knowing now what I do know, I would have stalked his doctor until I had answers. I did notice when my Mom was in the hospital that a man next to her with cancer had Len's doctor's 'associate' come to visit him. Maybe the doctor realized he couldn't do it on his own anymore because there was no 'associate' when we were waiting for answers. I hope that things are better there for you and you don't have to fill in the gaps by yourself, it's so unfair.

Yes, my weekend was good except that when we were heading back I realized that I had no one to share it with. Of course I had my girls but it was so different than sharing it with Len or my Mom. I had a little catch in my throat but managed to choke it back. The house is really coming together and I think the guys will be ready to start painting in the next couple of days. I'm really struggling with clearing things out but at least I managed to take Len's income tax for the past few years in to have it done. It has been a huge burden on me worrying about what he's going to owe but I figured it was time to face it and deal with whatever happens. It's times like this when I really miss him since he always had a calm reassuring way about him when I would get stressed over things. I still haven't finished all of the will papers and will have to get back on that this week as well as apply for some co-ops in the area to try to find some housing for us. The mountain of things to do just never seems to shrink. I have come so far but still seem to have so much ahead of me to do still. Oh well, step by step.

I hope you are taking good care of yourself and that life is kind to you.

Hugs,
Tracie
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