Hello friends.....
I am doing OK. Not great, but better than yesterday. And yesterday was better than the day before. We have had lots of friends and neighbours drop by with flowers and meals, so we have not had to think too much too soon. I saw my family Doctor on monday morning, and got some anti-anxiety medication for a few days to get me through the worst part of the grief. I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping and eating. I am glad the memorial is not until next week because I think my head would explode if it was sooner.
I had a shower the other morning when no one else was home, and used up ALL the hot water. That sort of thing used to drive my Dad crazy, so it felt kind of naughty and made me smile. I also had ice cream for dinner the last two nights as it is all I really felt like. Seems like I am still feeling like a little boy, not a grown man..... but that's ok. I am sleeping a lot - medicated sleep - but I am OK with that as well. I went out for a walk today, and for the first time felt like I was starting to come out of that dark cave.
My Mom and Sister are the ones mostly organizing the memorial, which is fine with me. I think that is how they are coping with things. I just can't ... especially with how controlling and rigid my sister is getting about "how things should be". I have almost told her to F* off a few times. That is the only thing really upsetting me family wise. For the most part I think we are still in a bit of shock.
Hanging in there.....
NiteLad