I had a very profound experience friday morning. I don't know if anyone has experienced anything similar. It is kind of spooky, but not in a bad way. I had been almost paralysed by grief since I knew Dad was dying, and especially after I knew he was gone. It was difficult going upstairs to where his bedroom is/was unless it was really necessary... which is hard because the only shower/bath is on that floor. I was also having a hard time coming home and walking into the living room and not seeing him in the easy chair he essentially lived in for the last year.
When I started to wake up friday morning, I felt warm and safe, almost like I was in a sunbeam... a lot of loving, warm energy. I felt happy, I woke up with a smile and a sense of "OK-ness". I don't know if that makes sense. I can't remember what I was dreaming, or even if I was. It is as if I was dreaming about my Dad, or he visited me in my sleep. It was very, very bizarre, and nothing I have ever experienced before. But it is the first time in a long, long time that I felt happy and even hopeful. Like I said.... a very odd experience.
Another thing I have been feeling in the last day or two is a sense that my life is no longer stuck, or "on hold". My Mom shares that feeling, saying that she has felt like she has been treading water for at least the last year. There are so many things we couldn't do while my Dad was sick. We couldn't make any plans, we couldn't do things that would disturb/annoy Dad, we couldn't do any work around the house because Dad
didn't want the mess or to change anything, we couldn't even cook anything outside the standard "meat and potatoes" because he wouldn't touch it. I never really realized how much our lives were restricted. I am now feeling excited about re-doing the back garden as it was really let go over the years Dad was sick. That's new.
Has anyone else ever felt similar emotions?
Love and Peace..... NiteLad