Discussion Forums

Reply by marstin

03 May 2013, 1:05 AM

Hi Colleen,

Thanks for asking how my meeting went. I think it went fairly well. It was difficult at first but it got a little better as we talked. Once she heard some of the background she determined that maybe I should have one on one councelling before joining the group. My next visit will be on May 15th, the day my dad passed away 5 years ago. Something tells me that we are getting ready to open up a whole can of worms. I must admit I'm a little frightened by what might come out.

Paula, you are so exhausted you poor girl. It's unfortunate that you missed the call from the co-ordiinator. Chances are that she will try again. Voicemail can be very annoying to deal with but unfortunately in this day and age you run into time and time again. Under normal circumstances this would just be an annoyance but in your fragile state I'm sure it feels like another hurdle to get through.

I know how difficult it can be to watch your mom decline. I'm sure she understands when tears roll down your face. It's impossible to stay in control all of the time. You've had so much thrown at you all at once, how can you not break down once in awhile. I remember spending days and days with my mom watching her slowly slip away and as much in a fog as I was, it didn't make it any less painful. Sometimes you can't stop feeling the grief or showing it. You're only human. How is your brother dealing with all of this? Does he manage to spend a lot of time with her too? I hope you are remembering to take care of yourself. You can't run on empty.

Thinking of you tonight and sending you a big hug through the airwaves.

Tracie

Report this post

Reply by lilbear

08 May 2013, 1:05 AM

Hello everyone,
It's been quite a week. My Mother has really declined quite rapidly. Her last fluid and food intake was last Thursday. She has had only a few drops of water yesterday. She spent most of today sleeping with her eyes open or partially open. She has no pain which I am very relieved about. We actually thought she had all the signs of impending death on Friday but then turned around again. My brother and I stayed at the hospital all weekend just in case.
We spoke to the doctor this morning and she thinks that we are onlg looking at 'maybe' 3 or 4 days but it's hard to tell when it comes to the brain.
My brother and I are planning to spend the next couple of days and nights staying in her room with her at the hospital. We just don't want her to be alone when she passes. Of course, she may have different ideas.
It is so hard to watch her slip away like this. She was so very vibrant and vital and independent and now there is no dignity left for her.
Paula

Report this post

Reply by marstin

08 May 2013, 2:43 AM

Hi Paula,

Thank you for taking the time to give us an update. I think you and your brother are incredible. Your mom I'm sure is feeling all of the love that you are giving her. When it is close to the end, it is a peaceful yet heartbreaking time. You have given as much as you can. I remember my mom's passing and how the family spent days with her and we all relived happier days. On the day that she did pass, it was just my brother and I by her bedside. As tough as it was, I told her it was okay to let go and soon after she did. Gone was the suffering and the struggling to keep going. It's never easy to say goodbye and losing two people back to back is incredibly difficult. There are no words that can be said to help you deal with this other than to say, we are here.

Many hugs to you,
Tracie

Report this post

Reply by NatR

09 May 2013, 3:20 PM

Dear Paula,

my thoughts are with you, such a difficult time for you.
Just remember that afterwards - you will deal with your loss over time, and you will be ever so grateful that you were there for both your mom and dad.

what a gift you are giving,
big hugs and warm thoughts going to you

NatR

Report this post

Reply by lilbear

10 May 2013, 4:23 PM

Well, I lost my wonderful Mother on Wednesday. She was my best friend and I cannot really even accept that it has really happened.
Unbelievably, she passed exactly on the 1 month anniversary of my dear father's passing. I guess the only thing that I can hang onto is that the two of them wanted to be together.
I am going this afternoon to plan my mom's funeral....too much!

Report this post

Reply by NatR

10 May 2013, 4:35 PM

My utmost sympathy to you - I am so sorry, nothing I can say will help you - but the grieving process can begin for you.

you are a great daughter and caregiver
keep posting when you feel like it :)
NatR

Report this post

Reply by marstin

10 May 2013, 5:15 PM

Paula,

My heart goes out to you. This long journey has ended for your parents and now you face a new challenge in your life. As NarR said, nothing that can be said will help you at this time except that we are here for you when you need to talk. Just take one minute at a time, and know that your parents love will guide you. You've given it your all and now it is time to care for yourself.

Hugs,
Tracie

Report this post

Reply by moderator | modératrice

10 May 2013, 6:41 PM

Dear Paula,

My sincere condolences. It is too much to bear I'm sure. Please know that we are here to listen and help carry the load if only virtually for a moment.

As you take care of the things that need to get done, console your children, support your brother and others, think of giving yourself some of you too. Nurture your inner child who has just lost her parents. As Tracie says, take care of yourself and hugs your babies tight.
Colleen

Report this post

Reply by Tian

10 May 2013, 7:42 PM

Dear Paula

I want to add my sincere condolences to you. I cannot imagine what an ordeal you've had to endure and the grief you are feeling. It may not provide much comfort now but you should know that you have been an amazing daughter. Take care.

Tian

Report this post

Reply by NiteLad

12 May 2013, 5:59 PM

Paula,

I am so sorry for your loss. Please be kind to yourself in this difficult time. Know that we are all here for you.

Nite

Report this post

Enter your email address (the one you used when you joined Canadian Virtual Hospice). We will email you a new password right away.

Email Address:

Become a Member

As a member of the Canadian Virtual Hospice, you can ask a question confidentially on Ask a Professional and contribute to the Discussion Forums. Join for free now to connect and share with others.

Discussion Forum members receive a monthly newsletter. You also have the option to sign up for the Canadian Virtual Hospice monthly newsletter.

Please fill in the information below.

Nickname:*

You will be known to other users only by your nickname. You do not need to reveal your identity by using your full name, real name or email address. Choose a nickname that is easy for you to remember.

Email Address:*

Your email will not be visible on the Virtual Hospice website. We will NOT sell, distribute or misuse your email address.

Password:*

Confirm Password:*

Country: